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Old 04-10-2017, 07:53 PM
 
70 posts, read 73,813 times
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Ok, so I'm back again for more advice, I really need it. any help is appreciated. It's about my dad. I feel as if he's really manipulative and controlling ( possibly abusive sometimes, but not too sure).
I feel as if I have to walk on eggshells with him sometimes. he seems really selfish to me also, like he only sees the world for what he sees ad he's not too supportive of me( I mean this is all my perception).

But here's things he has actually done and is not just my perception. There's been times he's threatened to kill me, he restrained me and said right to my face that he was going to put me in my F-ing grave. And this was all because he got mad about me having difficulty picking out my clothes for a concert I had to perform in the next night. This all escalated because he was fighting with my mother, he then hung up the phone on her and started telling me that I'm tired of you and your mother. And so we got into an argument, and so he resorted to giving me that death threat.

Another time when I was at voice lessons, he was waiting outside for me to finish up my lesson. While in my voice lesson, me and the vocal coach could hear him screaming at another person. so my vocal coach when outside to see what was going on, and it was over about my dad parking somewhere he was not supposed to park. And so he escalated by giving everybody at the synagogue( where I was taking voice lessons) threats, My vocal coach said that he started saying very anti-sematic jewish stuff towards the people who worked at the synagogue. They even called the police on him because he was being that threatening. At the end of this situation, my voice teacher said you should go home and reschedule another lesson at the temple and cancel this lesson because of the incident. So when Delete repeated word I entered into his car, he would not drop the situation at all, he was driving towards the workers who were walking away, and he said that " oh this is why I don't like Jewish people, and he was being all prejudice. After this whole situation was over and he was driving me back home, he started crying heavily saying how he misses his son away at college and like he was also crying about other misfortunes in his life, it was really uncomfortable.

Another time, when he was driving me in the car, he was screaming at his phone for not working, as a result, he ran into a car because he was on his phone, and in that car there was a crying baby. the accident t was so bad that he hit his head and he started bleeding all down his face. Thank god the baby did not get hurt though, when the cops came, he didn't get in trouble at all, and what was really interesting as that the cops said there was a warrant out for his arrest. After all of this was over, and a towing truck drove us back to my house, he said That none of this was his fault and that he did nothing wrong, and in my head I was like " yeah right, you were screaming at your phone, it was your fault.

So to end this, after all this stuff he's done, hes never apologized to me at all. He's never admitted to doing any of these mistakes. Its like he plays the victim all the time. Also, he gets in road rage all the time, when he gets mad at people, he'll literally follow them in his car ( even to their house) and strart threatening them. should I keep this kind of person in my life? what do I do with him? do you think hes toxic for me, is this abuse on me? I know its a long post but it keeps bothering me to this day. thanks for the help.
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Old 04-10-2017, 07:55 PM
 
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How old are you? Are you currently living with him?
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Old 04-10-2017, 08:03 PM
 
70 posts, read 73,813 times
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no, in my 20's now.
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Old 04-10-2017, 08:07 PM
 
6,638 posts, read 3,047,636 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brokenmadness77 View Post
no, in my 20's now.
Then I would just do your best to move on in life. He is never going to apologize. Keep him at arms length or go no contact.

I had horrendous parents as well...I had to cut off contact.
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Old 04-10-2017, 08:10 PM
 
70 posts, read 73,813 times
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do you think this is a good parent figure? you guys think this could be like ..." mental health" maybe? I always wonder whats wrong with him or why he is the way he is. I'm just curious about all this stuff I went through.
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Old 04-11-2017, 10:20 AM
 
Location: SW MO
23,601 posts, read 32,796,678 times
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Be glad you're not under his thumb unless you want to be. He's evincing behaviors consistent with someone who has borderline personality disorder unless he's an alcoholic or on street drugs. If it was me I'd just keep my distance and keep on with my own life. Life's too short to permit toxic people in it.

He is decidedly not a good parent figure but you already knew that.
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Old 04-11-2017, 11:17 PM
 
70 posts, read 73,813 times
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Originally Posted by Curmudgeon View Post
Be glad you're not under his thumb unless you want to be. He's evincing behaviors consistent with someone who has borderline personality disorder unless he's an alcoholic or on street drugs. If it was me I'd just keep my distance and keep on with my own life. Life's too short to permit toxic people in it.

He is decidedly not a good parent figure but you already knew that.
i thought he was BPD also, everyhtime I said this to people, they shewed this idea off like it was bad for me to say that. and no he's not on street drugs at all and he doesn't drink like that. and yes, I'm very glad I'm not under his thumb!
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Old 04-11-2017, 11:28 PM
 
70 posts, read 73,813 times
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my mother also had mentioned to me that she thought he was cheating on her, and that he would not be honest about it. she also says when she confronts him over this, he fires back at her and kind of like starts accusing her of problems. like if you point something out to him, he throws it back on someone else. He also lies too, whenever someone points out something, he always has another story about situations that don't match with other people's story
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Old 04-12-2017, 09:53 AM
 
Location: SW MO
23,601 posts, read 32,796,678 times
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Solution=avoid him!
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Old 04-12-2017, 11:05 PM
 
4,057 posts, read 1,870,224 times
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He definitely has personality disorders, more than one is very possible. Don't blame your perceptions when you're dealing with someone like that. That's probably what he's been doing for years, telling you your perceptions are off. Some therapy might not hurt since you could be surprised to find out how much of your anxiety stems from things you believe (because you were told) that aren't at all true. There's a big difference between avoiding him and learning not to be affected by him.
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