Am I a jerk for being sick of listening to my depressed friends complain constantly? (medication, effect)
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I have 2 friends (out of 6 in the group) with such severe depression and anxiety that they can barely get out of bed to do anything besides hanging out with friends and cannot even sit in restaurants without having panic attacks. One of them hates his family with a burning passion and admits that he wouldn't care if any of them passed away and would actually be somewhat happy. One of them, let us say Jack, is in therapy and takes an anti depressant, but it does nothing for him besides make him calm enough to not do something really drastic. And the other, let's say Bill, refuses to take any medication or go to therapy because he doesn't want to talk to anyone nor deal with any side effects. I have to hear about this almost every day in the group chat we have, and if they refuse to help themselves, they can't expect to get any help from the rest of us. Their attitudes are both abysmal, which is why they have such a hard time in my opinion. Any time I suggest that they have a positive attitude despite how their body makes them feel, they say, Nope, I'm not gonna have a positive attitude because my depression prevents me from doing so. And a week ago, we went to the shore and sat in the house the entire day, and their excuses were, My depression prevented me from having a positive attitude and enjoying the beach. No, your attitude is what kept you from enjoying it.
I have neither of these illnesses, besides isolated incidents when drastic things happen, but I am sick of being burdened with it and watching them both choose to suffer and not help themselves. I told the one that said he hated his family that I thought that was a disgrace and that depression is no excuse to hate your family and insinuated that I was sick of listening to their complaints on a regular basis. I can understand how bad these illnesses are and how they make a person feel, so please don't say that I am an incompassionate jerk. But I am sick of constantly being burdened with this, and so is everyone else, but they haven't had the moxie to tell them to cut out the constant complaining and negativity in the group chat and message each other separately if it's that horrible.
I don't see either of them getting anywhere in life. Women that don't have depression will not want to be with them because of how badly they will be burdened by their depression, and they will get fired from jobs because they will use their depression as an excuse for not being able to accomplish their work. I love both of them as friends and do not want to lose them, and I only tell them the truth because they are good friends and I don't tell them what they want to hear, I feel like they deserve the truth. Anyway, there is no way to fix this. If they won't help themselves and change their horrible attitudes, I won't help them. I'm really just venting, but am I a jerk for feeling this way?
Last edited by in_newengland; 08-01-2017 at 06:23 PM..
Reason: paragraphs for legibility
No you are not. I actually stopped contact with a friend in a similar situation. Always depressed, constant complaining, of life, family and job. I could not handle it anymore. I have my own problems to worry about.
No you are not. I actually stopped contact with a friend in a similar situation. Always depressed, constant complaining, of life, family and job. I could not handle it anymore. I have my own problems to worry about.
I love what I have going with the 5 of them, especially the other 3 who have no depression or anxiety. But don't they dare tell me that their depression is what keeps them from having a positive attitude when they ***** and put in no effort whatsoever. And then they'll randomly say depressing stuff in the group chat like "Every day is the same. Life is just so pointless." This is when I snap. It has no place in a group chat or in a social gathering, but they actually never mention it in person, only in the chat.
I love what I have going with the 5 of them, especially the other 3 who have no depression or anxiety. But don't they dare tell me that their depression is what keeps them from having a positive attitude when they ***** and put in no effort whatsoever. And then they'll randomly say depressing stuff in the group chat like "Every day is the same. Life is just so pointless." This is when I snap. It has no place in a group chat or in a social gathering, but they actually never mention it in person, only in the chat.
This is why I don't use Facebook or twitter. Too much drama.
No, you're not a jerk. Your friends don't want a resolution to their problems, they want an audience.
Unfortunately, anxiety & depression don't go away by themselves, they only get worse over the years if untreated. Your choice whether to tell your friends to stop whining and then ignore them, drop them or to just just continue to enable their complaining by listening to it.
No, you're not a jerk. Your friends don't want a resolution to their problems, they want an audience.
Unfortunately, anxiety & depression don't go away by themselves, they only get worse over the years if untreated. Your choice whether to tell your friends to stop whining and then ignore them, drop them or to just just continue to enable their complaining by listening to it.
Dropping them is the last thing I want to do, so I don't plan on doing that. But I agree that they want an audience. But it gets on my last nerve that both myself and a mutual friend tell them to change their attitudes (not natural feelings, just ATTITUDES) and they say sarcastically, "Yeah, I can probably get rid of my depression." Or "I can't have a positive attitude because of my depression." "I say negative things because my depression makes me." Smh. I am a teenager, so pretty much everyone my age has both anxiety and depression, so I already listen to enough complaining from my whole age group. I'm sure some of them just want the attention too.
I try & avoid negativity & negative people, so I restrict my time with any moaners. I try hard to be positive in my life & I don't need then to rock my boat. Maybe you need to limit your dealings with them.
First of all don't call yourself a jerk, others will slap negative names enough on us. Those words compute in one's mind. Do not do it to yourself. I didn't read everything but spend less time with the moaners....or tell them to Count Their Blessings...name some to them.
I never went to the FB world...toooooo much drama is right.
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