I need to vent and let this out. For my own mental health, because i feel my life is full of shadows. (quit, counteract)

[SNOWS.36]

This is long, but i need to get it out. I'm doing this for my mental health, as i've tried to deal with my issues alone, only letting my family know whats going on. I feel like i'm hiding from the world, and being a private person it's so hard tell anyone. I figure posting here, and venting is the best opportunity I have to help see my life in a different way. Right now I feel i'm stuck in the shadows. I'm desparately in need of some light.

for the past 5 years I have dealt with a chronic condition I have no control over. I had severe cramps, pain, and it began when i was 15 years old. My mother told me it was normal, as did my grandmother, my gym teacher, etc. Everyone dismissed it though no one knew how BAD of pain I was in.
It got to the point i was throwing up on my period because the pain was that severe. I would black out and have dizzy spells from blood loss, so I began going to my doctor.

After being in and out of hospital, after seeing my doctor weekly for 6 years, I am STILL getting worse. I am 24 years old, and i have been diagnosed with Adenomyosis, endometriosis, fibroids, congested pelvis syndrome, raynauds, and suspected uterine neoplasm (cancer)

After ALL those years of suffering, my doctor was the only one who listened and put me on the BC pills. I went through 3 different pills, from 17 years old until months ago. They lessened the heavy flow, and didnt help with the pain, but helped make my periods regular again. I'd go months without one, I'd have two some months and the irregularity was too much stress.

This year, well... the past 3 years have been the toughest. I saw a specialist obgyn who gave me pills to put me through menopause at the age of 23, and i developped heart palpitations from being on those pills. I was placed on strong anti-inflammatory drugs, as the pain from those conditions caused my insides to swell. Everything from my hips, through my pelvis, up to my stomach gets effected when I have flare ups. The pain is so bad i still black out, I cannot walk far or move much.
I had to quit my full time job due to this condition. I saw a specialist for the past two years who decided I was to stay on the birthcontrol pill for 3 months without stopping.. i ended up getting a blood clot in my calf vein, and had to be taken off of them immediately.

So here i am at 24years old. I've had blood clots, my insides are becoming worse. My recent CT scan from a few months ago displayed my liver enlarged and fatty, concerning for cancer due to the meds i've been put on, and taken off. Prescription meds do so much damage, but as much as i try to live a healthy lifestyle, i eat right and i try my hardest to push through the pain to exercise as much as I can, its still not enough to counteract the effects of meds.
The scan showed enlared ovaries, two different sizes. Along with an elevated diaphragm, meaning i have some sort of liquid pooling under half my chest, an absess, or the beginning stages of lung cancer. It gets hard to breath when im dealing with a flare up, which makes me get dizzy and its so stressful.

I am at a loss. I have lost touch with my "friends" as they were people i worked with but i'm only part time, working 8hrs a week because im physically unable to do anything more. No one wants to invite me anywhere, and i am far too exhausted by the end of a 4 hour shift to do anything but sleep off the pain.

I am tired all the time, my body is CONSTANTLY fighting its self. I went to the er last week with severe pain and after a urine and blood test they put me on antibiotics saying i had a bladder infection... when in reality my white cell count is high do to the issues my body has. It's fighting against its self.

I am only 24, I did a few years of college and want to presue more. I got into a program but had to refuse as i cannot physically walk for more than 15 mins without my insides flaring up. I couldnt walk to class, or take a bus, or go anywhere without sitting and taking breaks every few mins.

This month I have been waiting for an appointment with a surgeon, as a hysterectomy is the only way I can get out of this pain. Everyone is frowning on me for it, but i dont want kids anyways. I want my life back, and struggling to get through everyday is making it so hard to enjoy life.
I cant go anywhere without having issues with pain, and my periods are so bad i cannot work or leave the house because i physically get sick and someone has to watch over me for when i do blak out. I feel like such an inconvenience to my family. I feel like i'm useless at work, and I have no one to open up to about this. I keep it all inside and I really just wanted to rant and let it out somewhere.

Thanks for reading. I hope everyone is having a far better day than I am.

[CarolinaMoon1]

I am so sorry you are having to deal with all of these painful physical problems. Anyone would need to talk about it. Have you considered finding a good therapist for support and to help you cope?

I wish you the very best and hope things get better soon.

[NYC refugee]

You don't need a therapist. I think you're right and you need a hysterectomy. It's terrible you won't have the choice about children, but I have heard, only very rarely, about people with so many uterine problems that they have no life. They're in constant pain and bleeding all the time and would do anything for relief. I've known other people with lesser problems who avoided hysterectomy and while I was happy for them, sometimes the one thing that seems the worst is the answer. It's very hard to get anyone to face that with someone young but you sound beyond miserable and if I were you I wouldn't take even one more medication.

I know it's difficult and without a job not only expensive but maybe impossible, but I would go to another doctor and another, and another, until I found someone who had a solution for me. BC isn't it, and neither are the other meds you've taken, and maybe there's something they can do that isn't a hysterectomy, but you have to find someone who can help you. Look up your symptoms online and talk to anyone you can find on a chat board and e-mail doctors that work with your problems if you can find some.

I feel terrible about all you're going through and I know there must be a doctor out there with a real answer, not just another prescription. I hope you find one.

[CarolinaMoon1]

Originally Posted by NYC refugee

You don't need a therapist. I think you're right and you need a hysterectomy.

Last time I checked, these were not mutually exclusive.

[Berteau]

Unfortunately I've heard of other women with an unknown incurable condition similar to yours and it basically took away their life.

[nobodysbusiness]

You are young, so please consider looking into therapy or EFT.

Unprocessed negative emotions could be causing much of your distress.

Don't rule that out.

I think it's outrageous that a stranger suggested a hysterectomy! Keep your organs!