Struggling with everything (depressed, insurance, effect, emotional)
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I'm not doing well. Can't talk about the specifics, too personal. The truth is I am struggling in every aspect of my life. Financially, emotionally, mentally, etc... life is too chaotic- not the worlds problems per say but my own situation/ life.
I'm tired and no one and I mean no one to talk to. I have crisis lines (found a new one through a doctor!) that help. But not then same as having in person support =(
I am so worried about myself. One time I told my student teaching teacher of my worries for myself. She said yes, I know. She is the only person in my long life to notice. She couldn't help me. (She was a teacher but was not at the university.) What did it matter?
I don't understand what I'm doing in this world. I just don't know...
Last edited by Wild Flower; 10-22-2017 at 07:25 PM..
Get yourself a therapist. You sound like you're drowning. I've been there. This year swamped me with ugly stuff, and I fell into an anxiety spiral that I've only recently started to pull out of.
My therapist has been a lifeline. You need someone to talk to and help you map out a plan.
I'm not doing well. Can't talk about the specifics, too personal. The truth is I am struggling in every aspect of my life. Financially, emotionally, mentally, etc... life is too chaotic- not the worlds problems per say but my own situation/ life.
I'm tired and no one and I mean no one to talk to. I have crisis lines (found a new one through a doctor!) that help. But not then same as having in person support =(
I am so worried about myself. One time I told my student teaching teacher of my worries for myself. She said yes, I know. She is the only person in my long life to notice. She couldn't help me. (She was a teacher but was not at the university.) What did it matter?
I don't understand what I'm doing in this world. I just don't know...
Unless you want to try a therapist -- and I am NOT saying you shouldn't! -- you might find what you are looking for if you keep writing on C-D. (Just be aware that there are some VERY mean, nasty, and unsympathetic people on C-D, but with time, you will learn to ignore the unhelpful posts and put repeat offenders on your Ignore list.) This has worked for me because I have reached out to four people by DM'ing those I thought had situations similar to mine and might be interested in having me for a pen pal. Although one did not respond, three did -- and although two did not "work out" for different reasons, I now have a pen pal with whom I correspond almost daily and whom I now consider a friend. She has issues, too -- some similar to mine and some completely different -- but we are very sympathetic to each other and feel free to say anything or even just to vent, and that is what a therapist does (and unlike a friend, therapists charge for their sympathy and advice and expertise, which -- of course -- is only right). Of course, if you choose the wrong pen pal, you might also end up being hurt, but that is a risk you take with any friendship.
Btw, I have been to therapists before, and maybe I just did not find the right one -- of course, I realize that IS possible -- but none of them helped me except for allowing me a "safe place" to vent and a sympathetic ear, which my pen pal friend does at no charge, and unlike my past therapists, I consider her to be an actual friend. (And I am very pleased and proud to say that she says the feeling is mutual.)
However, I have only felt actually suicidal twice in my life, and you DO sound possibly suicidal to me, so maybe you SHOULD consider going to a therapist to at least be evaluated. That might be a VERY good idea, in fact.
I am so sorry. It sounds like you are seriously depressed. I don't have the answers but I hope you will get some counseling/help.
When you are depressed everything feels worse than it really is. Please, please talk to a therapist, go for a long walk in the sun, talk to your friends and family and be kind to yourself. You can get through this.
Sending you a big, tight hug and healing thoughts.
Thanks to everyone who reponded. Usually when I share about me it is to answer someone else's thread. It is too hard to open up about myself. Hence the few details.I truly appreciate your comments... more in ind. responses.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jaminhealth
Wild Flower: I just viewed your profile and from what is there, things seem positive.
Knowing nothing else, how can anyone comment? Then maybe others know you, I don't post here too often, give some support if I can.
Thank you for responding. Sorry it's taken me days to collect my thoughts. The sordid details (ha ha) aren't very important. I did say that I'm struggling financially (job is stressful and I can't handle more than the 15 hours I work), I'm sooooo tired for trying to figure me out and I isolate myself since there is no one to talk to let alone lean on.
Sigh... hard to take care of me when i let things go out bec of my depression. I have come a long way... moved myself back from TN to WI two years ago. Thought by now I'd be further along, maybe working full time. But I'm not ready and can't even say when I will be.
Get yourself a therapist. You sound like you're drowning. I've been there. This year swamped me with ugly stuff, and I fell into an anxiety spiral that I've only recently started to pull out of.
My therapist has been a lifeline. You need someone to talk to and help you map out a plan.
Thank you for seeing.... drowning is exactly what I'm doing. When I lived in TN (moved to go to school) I was unhappy. But I accepted those feelings easier since I wasn't where I wanted to be. But now I expected everything to be better! Instead my depression deepened. There were/ are feelings I wasn't dealing with. Guess what? They don't go away like magic!
I agree with you about finding a therapist. I have one I will be meeting with in Nov. It would have been sooner but I didn't check my mail closely and i let my insurance lapse. I have it reinstated but the HBO could not be put in place in Oct, they only enroll on the 1st of the month. So it is coming!
Unless you want to try a therapist -- and I am NOT saying you shouldn't! -- you might find what you are looking for if you keep writing on C-D. (Just be aware that there are some VERY mean, nasty, and unsympathetic people on C-D, but with time, you will learn to ignore the unhelpful posts and put repeat offenders on your Ignore list.) This has worked for me because I have reached out to four people by DM'ing those I thought had situations similar to mine and might be interested in having me for a pen pal. Although one did not respond, three did -- and although two did not "work out" for different reasons, I now have a pen pal with whom I correspond almost daily and whom I now consider a friend. She has issues, too -- some similar to mine and some completely different -- but we are very sympathetic to each other and feel free to say anything or even just to vent, and that is what a therapist does (and unlike a friend, therapists charge for their sympathy and advice and expertise, which -- of course -- is only right). Of course, if you choose the wrong pen pal, you might also end up being hurt, but that is a risk you take with any friendship.
Btw, I have been to therapists before, and maybe I just did not find the right one -- of course, I realize that IS possible -- but none of them helped me except for allowing me a "safe place" to vent and a sympathetic ear, which my pen pal friend does at no charge, and unlike my past therapists, I consider her to be an actual friend. (And I am very pleased and proud to say that she says the feeling is mutual.)
However, I have only felt actually suicidal twice in my life, and you DO sound possibly suicidal to me, so maybe you SHOULD consider going to a therapist to at least be evaluated. That might be a VERY good idea, in fact.
In any case, I wish you peace and well-being!
Ohhh, have you been reading my mind? Yes, sometimes I just wish to be over! But I can't and I won't hurt myself. Maybe I am lucky that I only am angry at myself for not hurting me. Only?? It is a big anger yet it seems to protect me. Yet it is very hard to live with and i will be getting a therapist.
I've been dealing with this for 20+ years. It's taken that long to understand myself and what truly happened to me, esp. since I had no one to help me. I too had ineffective counselors.
They helped me get from point A to B but not much more. They didn't get to the root problem, really didn't follow up with the things I told them. I didnt want to talk about that stuff (i was still inside a whirlwind without understanding the storm. I thought I was just STUPID. I know better now but it is still sooooo hard!!
Thank you for the wish of peace and well being! I'm working on that.
I am so sorry. It sounds like you are seriously depressed. I don't have the answers but I hope you will get some counseling/help.
When you are depressed everything feels worse than it really is. Please, please talk to a therapist, go for a long walk in the sun, talk to your friends and family and be kind to yourself. You can get through this.
Sending you a big, tight hug and healing thoughts.
Thank you for the hug and kind words. I am very depressed. Not going to sugar coat it, it is not better. But I am strong, had to be without being able to go to my parents or ANYONE. No neighbor or teacher saw how lonely and sad i was. The closest I had was a HS friend i confided in when I was having trouble with my father. But I was too shy, too reserved to ask for support.
It was/ is up to me and I am sinking...
Well, that is true but...
I have two warm lines I can call and they have been a God send. I remember one of the crisisline workers reminding me to be kind to myself. Thanks for reminding me.
Last edited by Wild Flower; 10-27-2017 at 11:46 PM..
Thank you for seeing.... drowning is exactly what I'm doing. When I lived in TN (moved to go to school) I was unhappy. But I accepted those feelings easier since I wasn't where I wanted to be. But now I expected everything to be better! Instead my depression deepened. There were/ are feelings I wasn't dealing with. Guess what? They don't go away like magic!
I agree with you about finding a therapist. I have one I will be meeting with in Nov. It would have been sooner but I didn't check my mail closely and i let my insurance lapse. I have it reinstated but the HBO could not be put in place in Oct, they only enroll on the 1st of the month. So it is coming!
Not HBO!
HMO! My insurance.
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Yes, sometimes I just wish to be over! But I can't and I won't hurt myself. Maybe I am lucky that I only am angry at myself for not hurting me. Only?? It is a big anger yet it seems to protect me. Yet it is very hard to live with and i will be getting a therapist. 
I know better now but it is still sooooo hard!!