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Not sure if this belongs here or in the psychology section. Anyway, this time of the year is beyond rough for me. Divorced for 8 years and every year since I just can't think about it. I don't decorate, I rarely participate in parties (except mandatory work ones) and just feel so sad. I wanted a family and to establish some holiday traditions. I'll be 50 next year and have never had a family of my own, other than my brief marriage to a woman who lit up my life around the holidays. I could have had a family with her, but I blew my chance. Of course, I could also say I married the wrong woman. Either way, my 40's have been extremely lonely with no end in sight. Who else feels this way, particularly around this time of the year? Cold weather doesn't help. I just want to hibernate for a month.
The holidays can be so hard for so many, so many expectations. I have enough friends who don't have a close family or S.O. and no children and they seek other avenues to fill their lives. A couple good friends over years ago got involved in the UU church community....as they didn't have family. UU was their family.
Why not Help others...the holidays come and go and we start a new fresh year. The person you would like in your life COULD appear again. So many marry the wrong people.
I've talked about a couple guys in my apt bldg in their 40's and FEAR marriage and bringing children into the world. They do have families and one travels to Phoenix for the holidays..
If you are healthy otherwise stay that way... marriage isn't always the answer.
39, Sorry to hear about this..
Have u ever tried experimenting with light therapy in the winter. I've heard from some folks that it can help with winter related depression, etc.. (?)
I think I've inherited some seasonal depression from my maternal relatives. I try to get out and exercise whenever weather's permitting, it's been beneficial for me.
Have u sought out any kind of surrogate family structure, like a church, etc. May find comfort & some nice women there (?) Stay up..
39, Sorry to hear about this..
Have u ever tried experimenting with light therapy in the winter. I've heard from some folks that it can help with winter related depression, etc.. (?)
I think I've inherited some seasonal depression from my maternal relatives. I try to get out and exercise whenever weather's permitting, it's been beneficial for me.
Have u sought out any kind of surrogate family structure, like a church, etc. May find comfort & some nice women there (?) Stay up..
Its more than seasonal, though I wouldn't be surprised if winter and shorter days contribute to it. I do exercise a lot, which helps. Its just more of an overwhelming sadness over how my life has turned out, which is worse around the holidays. As for church, I'm no longer open to that after my experiences with church where I live. But yes, I have tried to be involved in church in the past.
"Holiday" depression is not uncommon, especially since the media is geared toward it being 'the most wonderful time of the year'. Just about every place you go it's about Christmas (or whatever name some choose attach to this time of year). And for those who thrive on the holidays, I'm happy for them and glad they're having a good time.
For some, it's not just being without a family, many feel down due to lack of funds to buy gifts or celebrate the holidays in other ways. There are those who recently lost a loved one; or perhaps a loved one is dealing with a serious illness at this time.
I don't have family to celebrate with either and look forward to December 26th, knowing that I made it through another holiday season.
OP, you have posted similar threads in the past...are you better overall now? I hope so, it's true the holidays can get you down, depending on your situation.
At age 50, there is a lot of life to do....as long as one keeps themselves healthy, there is more to do in life. At least you've had one marriage experience...hopefully we learn from those experiences. For me, I had one marriage and that was a major lesson in my life, and got me to realize I didn't want to go there again.
Life is a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved...this was given to me probably 40 yrs ago and I never forgot it.
Last edited by jaminhealth; 12-11-2017 at 11:36 AM..
At age 50, there is a lot of life to do....as long as one keeps themselves healthy, there is more to do in life. At least you've had one marriage experience...hopefully we learn from those experiences. For me, I had one marriage and that was a major lesson in my life, and got me to realize I didn't want to go there again.
Life is a mystery to be lived, not a problem to be solved...this was given to me probably 40 yrs ago and I never forgot it.
If I didn't want to get remarried again, and was ok being alone for the rest of my life, I doubt I'd be sad. Much of it comes from wanting a family of my own and not having it. The divorce taught me a lot an forced me to become a better communicator with women. It also made me more self aware, so I am careful how people perceive me and quick to point out that I'm not ignoring someone, arrogant, etc., just shy and reserved.
If I didn't want to get remarried again, and was ok being alone for the rest of my life, I doubt I'd be sad. Much of it comes from wanting a family of my own and not having it. The divorce taught me a lot an forced me to become a better communicator with women. It also made me more self aware, so I am careful how people perceive me and quick to point out that I'm not ignoring someone, arrogant, etc., just shy and reserved.
There is TIME for you if you want that family. My dear departed mother said, there is a LID for every POT.
And you may end with a smaller family and that is just fine, we have an over population as it is. Do some visualization and don't come from doom and gloom.
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