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About a week ago when I was out of town and had no internet access, a relative sent me an email telling me they had severe depression, suicidal thoughts, and had entered some sort of inpatient psychiatric program for a few weeks. I opened the email today for the first time and was clueless as to what to say. It's not really a surprise since I suspected something was going on, but at the same time, I'm a little surprised. Our family isn't known for sharing feelings, giving hugs, or any emotional stuff like that. We tend to just bottle stuff up and keep it to ourselves. If we dare share our feelings, it's most likely to be with a stranger than with another relative.
I'm very experienced with mental health issues and have dealt with them myself (had anxiety and depression all my life), but I'm at a loss as to what to say to this relative. Thankfully, my response will be via email so that's easier, but at the same time, I want to make sure the tone of the words I use come out right (if you know what I mean).
Any suggestions? More importantly, if I indicate that I understand, that I'm experienced/dealt with mental health issues, and am willing to help anyway I can, is that good enough? I don't have to say something mushy, heartfelt, and uplifting do I?
About a week ago when I was out of town and had no internet access, a relative sent me an email telling me they had severe depression, suicidal thoughts, and had entered some sort of inpatient psychiatric program for a few weeks. I opened the email today for the first time and was clueless as to what to say. It's not really a surprise since I suspected something was going on, but at the same time, I'm a little surprised. Our family isn't known for sharing feelings, giving hugs, or any emotional stuff like that. We tend to just bottle stuff up and keep it to ourselves. If we dare share our feelings, it's most likely to be with a stranger than with another relative.
I'm very experienced with mental health issues and have dealt with them myself (had anxiety and depression all my life), but I'm at a loss as to what to say to this relative. Thankfully, my response will be via email so that's easier, but at the same time, I want to make sure the tone of the words I use come out right (if you know what I mean).
Any suggestions? More importantly, if I indicate that I understand, that I'm experienced/dealt with mental health issues, and am willing to help anyway I can, is that good enough? I don't have to say something mushy, heartfelt, and uplifting do I?
Yes you do have to say something mushy, heartfelt, and uplifting .
That's how some of us got well, by acting our way to good thinking.
Break the mold.
About a week ago when I was out of town and had no internet access, a relative sent me an email telling me they had severe depression, suicidal thoughts, and had entered some sort of inpatient psychiatric program for a few weeks. I opened the email today for the first time and was clueless as to what to say. It's not really a surprise since I suspected something was going on, but at the same time, I'm a little surprised. Our family isn't known for sharing feelings, giving hugs, or any emotional stuff like that. We tend to just bottle stuff up and keep it to ourselves. If we dare share our feelings, it's most likely to be with a stranger than with another relative.
I'm very experienced with mental health issues and have dealt with them myself (had anxiety and depression all my life), but I'm at a loss as to what to say to this relative. Thankfully, my response will be via email so that's easier, but at the same time, I want to make sure the tone of the words I use come out right (if you know what I mean).
Any suggestions? More importantly, if I indicate that I understand, that I'm experienced/dealt with mental health issues, and am willing to help anyway I can, is that good enough? I don't have to say something mushy, heartfelt, and uplifting do I?
Well, not mushy...but heartfelt, yes. Uplifting would be a bonus.
The most important thing you can do is share your own experiences with him in as much detail as you find appropriate. Only you know what that would mean. Probably not telling him detail about your sex life, I'd guess, but maybe about how it affected your job or what medications, if any, you're taking., or if talk therapy helped a lot, or whatever. Things like that. You have to let him know that he is not alone, that you have learned how to manage your depression, that he can too, and that it might take more time than he likes. But that it can be done.
Then offer up your best wishes, your support, tell him you're available if he needs to chat, and see if he'd be willing to meet up sometimes after he is discharged.
And remember that helping someone else can be a good way to help yourself.
The most important thing you can do is share your own experiences with him in as much detail as you find appropriate. Only you know what that would mean. Probably not telling him detail about your sex life, I'd guess, but maybe about how it affected your job or what medications, if any, you're taking., or if talk therapy helped a lot, or whatever. Things like that. You have to let him know that he is not alone, that you have learned how to manage your depression, that he can too, and that it might take more time than he likes. But that it can be done.
Then offer up your best wishes, your support, tell him you're available if he needs to chat, and see if he'd be willing to meet up sometimes after he is discharged.
And remember that helping someone else can be a good way to help yourself.
Just take care not to offer so much about your own experience that it turns into an email about YOU rather than the person you are writing to.
I would thank them for letting me know and tell them you are glad for them getting treatment to improve their life.
It does not have to be mushy. Uplifting is telling someone that you have some experience with similar feelings – NOT THE EXACT SAME – and that life can be better. Then offering to be there for them should they want to talk further, etc.
I would just share that you have dealt with depression yourself, and you are sorry they are going through this. I think offering to do anything you can could backfire unless it's really true. What if your relative wants to live with you? I don't know there's anything you can do other than be willing to communicate with them. Mushy and heartfelt doesn't help anyone. In fact it can make the person getting those sentiments feel awkward. A better approach is to minimize the incident and treat the person like you always have. Anyone in that situation wants nothing more than to feel somewhat normal again.
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