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As a long-time major depression sufferer I could use a little advice. My case is a bit complex, and I don't want to complicate matters by going into too much detail, so I will try to keep it concise.
I've been depressed for about 25 years now (I'm 43), and over the last several years my depression has gotten worse. My depression started as a result of a social anxiety disorder problem that I developed in my late teenage years, and both problems (the anxiety and the depression) co-existed and evolved over the years, with the depression soon becoming the worst aspect. And because of both problems, I did not function very well socially and did not live a very "normal" life growing up. I didn't date or have girlfriends, I didn't have many friends, and I lived a very isolated, disengaged life. I eventually withdrew more and more from life to the point where I couldn't finish college (after trying to attend several different times) and found it hard to hold down a job. I soon fell into a pattern of simply existing each day and going through the motions and doing just enough to keep my head above water, but doing little else. I was not really living and was definitely not enjoying life.
I also had (and have) a chronic pain condition that negatively impacts me emotionally and psychologically and that greatly exacerbates my depression and anxiety. This chronic pain condition is due to a childhood hip problem for which I had surgery at age 13. Unfortunately, my hips didn't heal very well and I was left with residual hip problems that, over time, became progressively worse, to the point where, now, at age 43, my right hip needs to be replaced, and my left hip will probably need replacing within the next five years or so. But all through my late teens, 20s, and 30s my hips were always a problem; I always had residual pain and stiffness due to my hip issues, and I never felt 100% physically normal; thus, I always felt "compromised" or "damaged" physically, which combined with my depression/anxiety issues to create a very hellish day-to-day life experience, one that has persisted up to the present time.
Overall, because of these issues, I have basically spent my entire life floundering and sputtering and not really living or functioning well at all. And this realization hurts me very deeply because I know much of my potential, ability, and talent were squandered and wasted because of how poorly I felt as a human being. It makes me sick to think about how little I've been able to do in life and about how badly I feel on a day-to-day basis. I truly feel like a loser.
But I have tried therapy over the years (psychologists) and am currently seeing one now, but truthfully, I never felt as if any therapist really understood the gravity or severity of my problems. Too often they would act as if my problems were really not that bad and that my depression was just a minor nuisance, something to be worked through and endured. I would often go into great detail describing how troubled I was and how depressed I was and how much trouble I was having navigating day-to-day life -- only to be met with a polite smile and nod and a forced "Oh, everything will be alright" response. It was and is frustrating. I can honestly understand now how so many depression sufferers routinely fall through the cracks and end up committing suicide or having a nervous breakdown -- it's so very easy for a sufferer to get overlooked or not taken seriously! Many seriously broken people go to therapy and probably get treated with a pat on the back and pep talk (and maybe a prescription) and then sent on their way to sort out their problems.
Sorry for this long post though. My situation is very complex and hard to describe, so I felt compelled to add much detail. But at the end of the day, I think my question is this:
What should I do or how should I proceed in terms of finding other or different treatment options? Because like I said, my experience thus far with mental health professionals has not been very positive. I reached out several times because I was (and am) in pain, but each time I was met with seeming indifference. I truly feel alone and almost helpless, and living day-to-day in such a depressed state is disgusting. I'm not sure if I should be more demanding or if I should make more noise in terms of asking for help -- but thus far I don't feel as if I have been taken seriously.
I would appreciate any feedback or tips or guidance from anyone here who might have a bit of insight into my situation.
I put this in the other thread you posted in, I'll repost here:
What other things do you think a therapist can do for you? Have they recommended other things and you didn't like the recommendation? For example, mine told me to get out there and do things, look in the newspaper / internet for things to do that are of interest to me, which I didn't do because I was so fatigued/depressed. I got put on an anti-depressant which I'm weaning off now because I think it's the devil (for me).
I've been a bit depressed for a few years too, divorce, 2 job losses, I'm single and don't have a lot of friends. It's all my choice now since it's hard to get out there and do things when depressed. But I'm okay, I still see the therapist a few times a year.
Are you seeing a psychiatrist or a therapist? The psychiatrists usually prescribe drugs and the therapists try to find help in other ways. Maybe seeing both could help?
I put this in the other thread you posted in, I'll repost here:
What other things do you think a therapist can do for you? Have they recommended other things and you didn't like the recommendation? For example, mine told me to get out there and do things, look in the newspaper / internet for things to do that are of interest to me, which I didn't do because I was so fatigued/depressed. I got put on an anti-depressant which I'm weaning off now because I think it's the devil (for me).
I've been a bit depressed for a few years too, divorce, 2 job losses, I'm single and don't have a lot of friends. It's all my choice now since it's hard to get out there and do things when depressed. But I'm okay, I still see the therapist a few times a year.
Are you seeing a psychiatrist or a therapist? The psychiatrists usually prescribe drugs and the therapists try to find help in other ways. Maybe seeing both could help?
--------------------
Yes OP...see both psych MD and continue looking for a therapist who you feel is listening...
all my yrs. of therapy and only once did I have a therapist that I thought was A+
As a long-time major depression sufferer I could use a little advice. My case is a bit complex, and I don't want to complicate matters by going into too much detail, so I will try to keep it concise.
I've been depressed for about 25 years now (I'm 43), and over the last several years my depression has gotten worse. My depression started as a result of a social anxiety disorder problem that I developed in my late teenage years, and both problems (the anxiety and the depression) co-existed and evolved over the years, with the depression soon becoming the worst aspect. And because of both problems, I did not function very well socially and did not live a very "normal" life growing up. I didn't date or have girlfriends, I didn't have many friends, and I lived a very isolated, disengaged life. I eventually withdrew more and more from life to the point where I couldn't finish college (after trying to attend several different times) and found it hard to hold down a job. I soon fell into a pattern of simply existing each day and going through the motions and doing just enough to keep my head above water, but doing little else. I was not really living and was definitely not enjoying life.
Overall, because of these issues, I have basically spent my entire life floundering and sputtering and not really living or functioning well at all. And this realization hurts me very deeply because I know much of my potential, ability, and talent were squandered and wasted because of how poorly I felt as a human being. It makes me sick to think about how little I've been able to do in life and about how badly I feel on a day-to-day basis. I truly feel like a loser.
Sorry for this long post though. My situation is very complex and hard to describe, so I felt compelled to add much detail. But at the end of the day, I think my question is this:
What should I do or how should I proceed in terms of finding other or different treatment options? Because like I said, my experience thus far with mental health professionals has not been very positive. I reached out several times because I was (and am) in pain, but each time I was met with seeming indifference. I truly feel alone and almost helpless, and living day-to-day in such a depressed state is disgusting. I'm not sure if I should be more demanding or if I should make more noise in terms of asking for help -- but thus far I don't feel as if I have been taken seriously.
I would appreciate any feedback or tips or guidance from anyone here who might have a bit of insight into my situation.
Thank you,
Jason
Couple of questions, did you pursuit treatment at the age of 18 when you first became depressed? Did you get a diagnosis? Did you/do you have family support? How are you supporting yourself?
Untreated adolescent depression can result in social isolation, developmental delays and maladaptation.
While your physical conditions are a concern, they are not life threatening, it becomes difficult to deal with due to your psychiatric situation. Put your energy into your mental health, dealing with that first will make you stronger to deal with the physical issues.
Find a community Mental Health Clinic that deals with your outpatient insurance or that bills on a sliding scale. Make sure the clinic has a dedicated Psychiatrist that you will have access to.
These clinics typically have Group Therapy. Group Therapy is very powerful and might provide you with the support and encouragement that you are not getting from traditional therapy.
Couple of questions, did you pursuit treatment at the age of 18 when you first became depressed? Did you get a diagnosis? Did you/do you have family support? How are you supporting yourself?
Untreated adolescent depression can result in social isolation, developmental delays and maladaptation.
While your physical conditions are a concern, they are not life threatening, it becomes difficult to deal with due to your psychiatric situation. Put your energy into your mental health, dealing with that first will make you stronger to deal with the physical issues.
Find a community Mental Health Clinic that deals with your outpatient insurance or that bills on a sliding scale. Make sure the clinic has a dedicated Psychiatrist that you will have access to.
These clinics typically have Group Therapy. Group Therapy is very powerful and might provide you with the support and encouragement that you are not getting from traditional therapy.
Thank you for your recommendations -- I appreciate it! I did seek treatment at age 18/19 when I first started having problems, and I was prescribed and took a few different antidepressants over the next several years. And while the anti-depressants helped, I still had major problems coping with life in general. I still had the avoidance centered around the social anxiety, and while the depression improved while on the medication, it never went away. I did receive a diagnosis of Social Anxiety Disorder by at least one psychiatrist (and I believe he was the first one to prescribe an antidepressant). But it pains me to say that I never really got going with living since that point in time; the last few decades have been almost like a blur in that they were so dreary and mundane and devoid of any real living. Looking back I should have been much more forceful with seeking therapy early on.
Much of what you described here regarding maladaptation and developmental delays fits me to a T. It feels very strange to be 43 and yet be so socially and developmentally delayed. It's actually embarrassing and makes me feel ashamed; it also compels me to not want to put myself "out there" because I know how far behind I am relative to the average person, and I know that at some point, I'm going to have to open up and share more about myself and my life to other people (if I desire more of a social life), and the prospect of doing that scares me a bit.
But again, thank you for your response. I do have good insurance thankfully (Blue Cross PPO), so I have many options available to me. But after being in therapy for most of the last 3.5 years and not realizing much benefit, it makes me leery about continuing to find therapists who may be more receptive or understanding to my situation (mainly regarding the depression -- as the depression is very to hard shoulder and makes life very unpleasant).
I don't work a real job and haven't worked a "real job" in several years. I do have a modest nest egg saved up and I earn enough money to keep afloat by house-sitting and pet-sitting and dog walking for local families, so I am at least functional. But for the most part, all I am doing is keeping my head above water -- I'm not making any real progress towards any type of future goal.
I put this in the other thread you posted in, I'll repost here:
What other things do you think a therapist can do for you? Have they recommended other things and you didn't like the recommendation? For example, mine told me to get out there and do things, look in the newspaper / internet for things to do that are of interest to me, which I didn't do because I was so fatigued/depressed. I got put on an anti-depressant which I'm weaning off now because I think it's the devil (for me).
I've been a bit depressed for a few years too, divorce, 2 job losses, I'm single and don't have a lot of friends. It's all my choice now since it's hard to get out there and do things when depressed. But I'm okay, I still see the therapist a few times a year.
Are you seeing a psychiatrist or a therapist? The psychiatrists usually prescribe drugs and the therapists try to find help in other ways. Maybe seeing both could help?
Thank you for your response. I typed out my initial post yesterday when I was feeling extremely bad, so I made it longer and probably more winded than it needed to be. I did see my therapist again yesterday (after contacting her on short notice and asking if I could come in to see her), and this time I think she understood more fully how depressed I really am. She actually seemed more receptive this time and showed more concern about my state than she has in the past. She asked if I were suicidal and stated to please call her if I ever felt that way. She also wants me to get on medication and possibly try group therapy. I do, however, have a hang-up about being on psychiatric drugs -- the main issue is that I don't completely trust the safety of these drugs, and I fear any potential long-term health ramifications that may arise from taking these medications for lengthy time periods. But I may have no choice but to relent and seek drug therapy as I have been unsuccessful managing my depression on my own.
But my current therapist is a psychologist, not a psychiatrist, so I will have to see a psychiatrist if I choose to go the medication route.
Thank you for your response. I typed out my initial post yesterday when I was feeling extremely bad, so I made it longer and probably more winded than it needed to be. I did see my therapist again yesterday (after contacting her on short notice and asking if I could come in to see her), and this time I think she understood more fully how depressed I really am. She actually seemed more receptive this time and showed more concern about my state than she has in the past. She asked if I were suicidal and stated to please call her if I ever felt that way. She also wants me to get on medication and possibly try group therapy. I do, however, have a hang-up about being on psychiatric drugs -- the main issue is that I don't completely trust the safety of these drugs, and I fear any potential long-term health ramifications that may arise from taking these medications for lengthy time periods. But I may have no choice but to relent and seek drug therapy as I have been unsuccessful managing my depression on my own.
But my current therapist is a psychologist, not a psychiatrist, so I will have to see a psychiatrist if I choose to go the medication route.
Again, thank you for your response and insight.
Oh JA....you are missing out on medications that have benefitted millions and millions. I can appreciate you are leery but...
While I also take Seroquel and Abilify, used off label for depression and BPD, I can say finally this is the best I have ever felt. Not every day is perfect of course. There are side effects...finding a med with side effects that do not outweigh the benefits is the goal.
Yes, a psych eval and a trial of ADs most likely will be recommended since you've tried just therapy.
Another issue...it takes weeks for the proper level of AD to be in your system...don't give up too early if you have little improvement.
So what if you don't know the future taking meds...? Many ADs have been around for years and we still keep using them because of the amazing benefit and feeling of well being.
Don't stay stuck in the miserable life you describe...listen to those of us with years of experience...
and your doctor of course!!
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