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Old 12-14-2006, 06:16 PM
 
Location: Central Jersey - Florida
3,377 posts, read 14,574,224 times
Reputation: 2271

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Quote:
Originally Posted by deeptrance View Post
I'm never legally drunk. But I drink too much. I keep a very low, controlled buzz going most of the day and stop drinking around dinner time because of the way it interferes with sleep. I have serious physical issues (chronic pain and disability) and emotional issues (self-hate, anxiety, depression) so I'm obviously self-medicating with alcohol at the level of about 5 drinks a day, equivalent of a bottle of wine per day.

That might not sound like too much, but it's a very major issue for me. I take other medications that interact with the alcohol so it's as if I were drinking more. And I DEPEND on it. And it makes me feel like nothing matters so I'll just lie around watching TV or chatting on a web forum.... yeah, how many of you will cop to THAT being part of why you're here so much?

My question is this: Do I have to hit the wall? If I'm not willing to simply STOP on my own, don't want to go to AA meetings, and don't have the money for a high quality treatment program, what's going to happen? Will it simply be a matter of being smacked in the face with a crisis that forces me to deal with it? Or can someone provide me with inspiration that will make me WANT to stop drinking?

Thanks to anyone who responds sincerely to my very sincere questions. I'm being quite vulnerable and putting myself on the line here in a public forum, but I feel like it's worth it to expose myself because I know I'm not alone and perhaps others will be helped by this thread. Bless you all.
Been there and beat it. My problem started in the early 70s' and lasted a couple of years. Step #1 HONESTY "After many years of denial, recovery can begin when with one simple admission of being powerless over alcohol for alcoholics and their friends and family". Today I can have a beer or a glass of wine occasionally with no ill effect. I learned how to control myself. When your ready there are plenty of support groups to help. Good luck to you.
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Old 12-14-2006, 07:08 PM
 
Location: Navarre, Florida
328 posts, read 238,098 times
Reputation: 86
Deeptrance...I have a slightly different outlook towards you after your post. Admiration, because of your willingness to share with us; sadness, because of your situation and feelings of inadequacy; and lastly, immense compassion because I wish no one, especially yourself, would feel that way.

All of the people who have responded have given you incredible advice. One of the suggestions was to find a church and get involved, yet you seem to shy away from Christian-oriented advice. I have seen so many so-called Christian leaders, evangelists, pastors, priests, people who CALL themselves Christians, etc., that have set a very bad example for those of us who really try to do our best to live good, Christian lives. One of the things that bothers me SO MUCH is Christians who judge others. What is that all about? The Christian thing to do is to show sincere love for people, regardless of what point in their life they are at...to help in whatever way possible. Didn't mean to go off on that subject, but I can easily see why some people are very hesitant and critical of Christianity...it makes sense.

You are in my prayers...hope you're not offended...I feel like that is the very best thing that I would be able to do for you.

My mother went through about three years of severe depression. She lost her mother and ex-husband (my father)...(both were extremely close to her) within two years, so I'm sure that had something to do with the intensity. I remember her telling me that she just had "lost the will to live", "had absolutely no feelings, towards anything or anyone", and would cry for hours at a time. It was heartbreaking because I didn't understand. She finally snapped out of it, with God's help, I must say. Now, we are closer than we've ever been and she's able to enjoy her children and grandchildren. Part of the problem, I believe, was that she held everything inside...she had friends, but not close friends. Do you have any close friends that you are able to confide in?

Last edited by Kimbercuddles; 12-14-2006 at 07:09 PM.. Reason: totally blonde
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Old 12-14-2006, 07:39 PM
 
Location: Colorado
1,394 posts, read 4,162,354 times
Reputation: 954
My question right now is, I am worried about Deeptrance, I haven't seen him on yet today, I really know what he is going through, my brother had the same problems, and I am just worried since he hasn't been on. Tell me if I am wrong, but I do care, and hope he is ok.
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Old 12-14-2006, 07:47 PM
 
Location: Navarre, Florida
328 posts, read 238,098 times
Reputation: 86
I'm with you 150%, Yorkie Mom, and have sent a pm about 30 minutes ago with confirmation not yet received. It's awesome to have so many compassionate, caring people on this forum.
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Old 12-14-2006, 07:51 PM
 
Location: God's Country
22,999 posts, read 34,265,766 times
Reputation: 31627
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yorkie_Mom View Post
My question right now is, I am worried about Deeptrance, I haven't seen him on yet today, I really know what he is going through, my brother had the same problems, and I am just worried since he hasn't been on. Tell me if I am wrong, but I do care, and hope he is ok.
Look back, he was on here at 9:59am today. Like you I am very concerned and care about him too.
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Old 12-14-2006, 07:56 PM
 
Location: Navarre, Florida
328 posts, read 238,098 times
Reputation: 86
Quote:
Originally Posted by I LOVE NORTH CAROLINA View Post
Look back, he was on here at 9:59am today. Like you I am very concerned and care about him too.
I love this forum...Deeptrance...you've definitely made some true friends!
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Old 12-14-2006, 08:20 PM
 
Location: Austin, TX
944 posts, read 3,943,790 times
Reputation: 440
Yo, DT here, not enough time to even read all the posts but I appreciate all the responses and will get back in here.

In my case, you should worry about me when I'm here all the time. When I'm gone it's because I'm living my life instead of hiding in my apartment typing on a computer. For me, the real world is so much more gratifying than a chat forum, but this thread is an example of how one can use the Web to make progress forward. I'm sure some of your comments, prayers and general concern helped me get out and accomplish a lot today.

And now I'm too exhausted to catch up with all the threads that have updated --- this site is pretty happening, it can really keep you busy if you stick your nose into other states and topics!

More later,
DT
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Old 12-14-2006, 08:31 PM
 
Location: Colorado
1,394 posts, read 4,162,354 times
Reputation: 954
Thank you, thank you, I am glad you are ok and still here, you had me worried. Just want you to know if you need to talk, just pm me, I would be more than happy to tell you that you are an awesome person, and I believe in you. I would do anything for anyone who just needs someone to talk to, I am a great listener, I just wish I could of read between the lines before my brother ended his life.
So Deeptrance, just to let you know I am here for you, or anyone else. Take care. God Bless
Quote:
Originally Posted by deeptrance View Post
Yo, DT here, not enough time to even read all the posts but I appreciate all the responses and will get back in here.

In my case, you should worry about me when I'm here all the time. When I'm gone it's because I'm living my life instead of hiding in my apartment typing on a computer. For me, the real world is so much more gratifying than a chat forum, but this thread is an example of how one can use the Web to make progress forward. I'm sure some of your comments, prayers and general concern helped me get out and accomplish a lot today.

And now I'm too exhausted to catch up with all the threads that have updated --- this site is pretty happening, it can really keep you busy if you stick your nose into other states and topics!

More later,
DT
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Old 12-15-2006, 11:23 AM
 
84 posts, read 378,538 times
Reputation: 40
1. prayer - it does change things. Pray and find a minister if you don't belong to a church and i'm sure he would have a lot of good references for help for you.
2. AA - it's worked for other's it can work for you.

Good luck and God bless!
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Old 12-15-2006, 02:37 PM
 
Location: Chattanooga TN
2,349 posts, read 10,620,087 times
Reputation: 1250
You know DT I am hearing alot about church so I thought I would toss in a bump for the Quakers. There are Friends meetings in Austin so you might wanna check them out. Alot of ppl think these guys run around w/bonnets and drive buggies but I am tellin ya, they are HIP! The worship is a silent gathering for reflection. Everyone is embraced, no matter the color, orientation, etc. I have seen alot of your posts and think that if you went the religion way for help (forbid lol) this just might be your speed. Worst case scenario you get lucky and show up on potluck day for some good grub! You will be embraced. There is alot of commitment to the environment, current issues and such. Something that might distract you and get you involved. You also might wanna try going cold turkey just for ONE day. Just don't pick anything up on the way home. Just one day. See how ya do. No promises, no disappointments. One day is not as daunting as "THE REST OF YOUR LIFE". Don't even think about the next time you go two days. Just one day. Other than that, we are keeping you in our thoughts.
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