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I have read everything, sought counseling, attended DBT and my anxiety/fear is increasing. I can't possibly deal with this forever...can I? Will there be an end to it? Breathing exercises, exercising, self awareness...logically it is all good but I'm living out of emotions.
It probably started when I was a kid but I was involved in sports and other recreational activities which probably helped to conceal it. When I was 14 I acquired an eating disorder that I just recently said good bye too. Controlling what I eat helped to keep any emotion at all at bay. I am a Christian and often told God he can have all my other issues and fix me but not my eating disorder. I looked in the mirror one day and thought, "Good God! I look terrible!" I just quit the eating disorder behavior like that and I am proud and happy to gain weight (I am 47 years old). When I put more weight on I will help speak out against it on Instagram comparing pics of healthy me and pics of me where I thought I looked amazing but looked almost dead. Maybe. Just to help other people struggling... At any rate the loss of a job and not having great coping skills spiraled me out of control.
Any insight on how you were able to get over the anxiety in your life? I could go on and on about all the "stuff" I've dealt with but none of it matters any more.
By the way... I have a Master of Science in the counseling field. Ironic. I am so good with other people but not with myself. I don't think of myself as special either. I am a hard case and stubborn, but not better or worse than anyone.
I have been experiencing: shaking/tremors, panic attacks, utter despair, chest pain, numbness in my lower extremities, my heart feels like exploding, feeling of something stuck in my throat, my legs feel like I am going to collapse, dumbed down, stuttering, wanting to isolate, wanting to cry but not wanting to give in, trembling lips.... t is all hard to deal with.
I force myself to the gym but it is a struggle. I hate going out in public but it does kill a few hours before I can go to bed. I take Ambien to sleep and have since I was 22 so I am not going to change that...at least not right now. I just texted my doctor to increase my Klonipin because it does seem to help a little. It certainly hasn't cured it but we live in a world where people look down on others who take benzos to cope. I know my doctor takes it too so no judgment from him. I take one .5 mg per day but probably need more.
Also, since I am a 47 year old female am I nearing the change? Is this a part of it? Ugh!
I am looking for others who battled this to tell me they walked in my shoes and came out okay.
I have read everything, sought counseling, attended DBT and my anxiety/fear is increasing. I can't possibly deal with this forever...can I? Will there be an end to it? Breathing exercises, exercising, self awareness...logically it is all good but I'm living out of emotions.
It probably started when I was a kid but I was involved in sports and other recreational activities which probably helped to conceal it. When I was 14 I acquired an eating disorder that I just recently said good bye too. Controlling what I eat helped to keep any emotion at all at bay. I am a Christian and often told God he can have all my other issues and fix me but not my eating disorder. I looked in the mirror one day and thought, "Good God! I look terrible!" I just quit the eating disorder behavior like that and I am proud and happy to gain weight (I am 47 years old). When I put more weight on I will help speak out against it on Instagram comparing pics of healthy me and pics of me where I thought I looked amazing but looked almost dead. Maybe. Just to help other people struggling... At any rate the loss of a job and not having great coping skills spiraled me out of control.
Any insight on how you were able to get over the anxiety in your life? I could go on and on about all the "stuff" I've dealt with but none of it matters any more.
By the way... I have a Master of Science in the counseling field. Ironic. I am so good with other people but not with myself. I don't think of myself as special either. I am a hard case and stubborn, but not better or worse than anyone.
I have been experiencing: shaking/tremors, panic attacks, utter despair, chest pain, numbness in my lower extremities, my heart feels like exploding, feeling of something stuck in my throat, my legs feel like I am going to collapse, dumbed down, stuttering, wanting to isolate, wanting to cry but not wanting to give in, trembling lips.... t is all hard to deal with.
I force myself to the gym but it is a struggle. I hate going out in public but it does kill a few hours before I can go to bed. I take Ambien to sleep and have since I was 22 so I am not going to change that...at least not right now. I just texted my doctor to increase my Klonipin because it does seem to help a little. It certainly hasn't cured it but we live in a world where people look down on others who take benzos to cope. I know my doctor takes it too so no judgment from him. I take one .5 mg per day but probably need more.
Also, since I am a 47 year old female am I nearing the change? Is this a part of it? Ugh!
I am looking for others who battled this to tell me they walked in my shoes and came out okay.
Give me hope. Share.
First I must say I don't have any real answers for you. I am wondering though if you've had a full checkup lately with blood work, thyroid etc.? Maybe it is related to perimenopause/hormones or thyroid?
I suffer from underlying anxiety which I seem to keep in check by trying to avoid doing much that stimulates anxiety and/or covering it with mild depression. And when I can't avoid doing some things I do tend to feel pretty anxious but perhaps not to the extent you write about. But I get really sick of curtailing my life and feeling anxious about almost EVERYTHING. I don't take any medication and don't really want to. But my sense is I have too sensitive a nervous system. Do you know what's at the root of your anxiety? That is, do you have recurring worries or is just sort of free floating anxiety related to nothing specific?
When I was young I managed anxiety by keeping strict diet/calorie count and when I kept my weight at 102 I was "ok" but if I gained a pound I'd start to get anxious. I was really way too thin for awhile but it stopped some of the anxiety.
Have you ever considered acupuncture? They have ways of balancing your energies and dealing with anxiety which I have found somewhat helpful at times.
Thank you. I did try acupuncture but only once and that was many years ago. I have tried mindfulness exercises recently and the breathing exercise I do is pretty much the only thing that calms me.
I took .5mg of Klonopin last night but I never enjoy the side effects. I would like to deal with this without resorting to medication like you do, but the idea that the anxiety won't ever go away is disappointing.
I can relate to the managing a certain weight and then freaking out if I got heavier. I never really step on the scale but paid more attention to the size I wore. For many years I claimed I conquered the eating disorder so that I would not feel ashamed but I'm pretty sure people knew otherwise. I am just sick of being in bondage to it.
I really appreciate your words. I can move forward knowing that I am not the only one dealing with this. Thank you.
Deep Breathing: 4/7/8
B Vitamins
Organic diet
Lots of clean, filtered water
EFT (Brad Yates, YouTube)
Aromatherapy
Massage
Prayer
Meditation
Walking
Positive thinking (learning how to not ruminate or follow negative thoughts)
Epsom salts baths
Laughter
Spiritual connection
I have read everything, sought counseling, attended DBT and my anxiety/fear is increasing. I can't possibly deal with this forever...can I? Will there be an end to it? Breathing exercises, exercising, self awareness...logically it is all good but I'm living out of emotions.
It probably started when I was a kid but I was involved in sports and other recreational activities which probably helped to conceal it. When I was 14 I acquired an eating disorder that I just recently said good bye too. Controlling what I eat helped to keep any emotion at all at bay. I am a Christian and often told God he can have all my other issues and fix me but not my eating disorder. I looked in the mirror one day and thought, "Good God! I look terrible!" I just quit the eating disorder behavior like that and I am proud and happy to gain weight (I am 47 years old). When I put more weight on I will help speak out against it on Instagram comparing pics of healthy me and pics of me where I thought I looked amazing but looked almost dead. Maybe. Just to help other people struggling... At any rate the loss of a job and not having great coping skills spiraled me out of control.
Any insight on how you were able to get over the anxiety in your life? I could go on and on about all the "stuff" I've dealt with but none of it matters any more.
By the way... I have a Master of Science in the counseling field. Ironic. I am so good with other people but not with myself. I don't think of myself as special either. I am a hard case and stubborn, but not better or worse than anyone.
I have been experiencing: shaking/tremors, panic attacks, utter despair, chest pain, numbness in my lower extremities, my heart feels like exploding, feeling of something stuck in my throat, my legs feel like I am going to collapse, dumbed down, stuttering, wanting to isolate, wanting to cry but not wanting to give in, trembling lips.... t is all hard to deal with.
I force myself to the gym but it is a struggle. I hate going out in public but it does kill a few hours before I can go to bed. I take Ambien to sleep and have since I was 22 so I am not going to change that...at least not right now. I just texted my doctor to increase my Klonipin because it does seem to help a little. It certainly hasn't cured it but we live in a world where people look down on others who take benzos to cope. I know my doctor takes it too so no judgment from him. I take one .5 mg per day but probably need more.
Also, since I am a 47 year old female am I nearing the change? Is this a part of it? Ugh!
I am looking for others who battled this to tell me they walked in my shoes and came out okay.
Give me hope. Share.
Sorry you've dealt with this so long. It'd be nice not to need meds but I do to live a normal life.
I had gen anxiety assoc with MDD, Borderline PD....well, I still do but with the final dosing of meds that work for me and therapy, most of my anxiety is gone. What seemed to help the most was the addition of Wellbutrin to my regimen. I do have Klonopin as needed but rarely use it. So I'm on Lexipro, Wellbutrin, Seroqel low dose, Abilify low dose now. Also hydrocodone for chronic back pain, which of course takes the edge off of daily life but NOT recommended!
I remember how hard it is to live that way. And you are not the first counselor to deal with this.
Not only does Zoloft help greatly with general anxiety symptoms but one of the side effects (for me) was weight loss. I was trying to lose 20 lbs. and couldn’t do it, but after Zoloft I dropped 8 lbs. without even trying. I wouldn’t expect you to see results on less than 100 mg daily, based on your descriptions, but your doctor will discuss what’s best in that regard. (50 mg did not do enough for me)
Thank you. I did try acupuncture but only once and that was many years ago. I have tried mindfulness exercises recently and the breathing exercise I do is pretty much the only thing that calms me.
I took .5mg of Klonopin last night but I never enjoy the side effects. I would like to deal with this without resorting to medication like you do, but the idea that the anxiety won't ever go away is disappointing.
I can relate to the managing a certain weight and then freaking out if I got heavier. I never really step on the scale but paid more attention to the size I wore. For many years I claimed I conquered the eating disorder so that I would not feel ashamed but I'm pretty sure people knew otherwise. I am just sick of being in bondage to it.
I really appreciate your words. I can move forward knowing that I am not the only one dealing with this. Thank you.
I do think the eating disorder or whatever it was, is sort of a way to feel in control of some aspect of life which then possibly diminishes anxiety (for me anyway). I think I just have general anxiety about life and the inability to really control what happens or can happen fuels anxiety. If my weight was in control then it felt like life was ok although it really seems kind of crazy when I think about it. It's only a tiny aspect of life, but it did feel I was "good" then and nothing bad would happen. There was an OCD component and if I got into some OCD behavior now I might feel less anxious but I don't tend to get that way now.
Well, hopefully you'll find some solutions or things that might help. Ear acupuncture can definitely help with moods so it might be worth trying again.
A lot of what you wrote sounds exactly how I used to feel all the time. Anxiety + depression + ED, all of it. I went to therapy and got counseling and had that awful "treatment resistant" stamp in my chart. Turns out, I was suffering pretty severely from ADHD and it went both undiagnosed and untreated until I was 28 years old. All my other symptoms (including restricting and purging) were a response to that, and I never knew.
Now, I'm back in CBT and am on carefully controlled doses of medication to help treat the ADHD. It was a hard pill for me to swallow (pun intended) because of my history, but the medication has made so much of a difference. I finally feel like I'm able to separate myself from the anxiety and ED and make real progress in recovery.
Sometimes you just never know what could be under the surface working against you. It's possible that there is something else going on and everything you're experiencing is a symptom of whatever it is. Could be hormonal, could be thyroid, could be something you'd never expect. Finding out the root cause, for me, was so helpful and such a relief. I hope you can find some soon as well.
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