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Do you have any support systems? Family perhaps...I hope you can share your feelings with your wife. Perhaps she doesn't realize the pressure you feel. It's understandable that you want the best for your son but that doesn't mean you have to destroy yourself in the process. I think you mentioned marriage counseling...is that ongoing? Or perhaps you could talk to someone on your own about how to deal with this? I know sometimes things look hopeless but maybe opening up to your wife about how you feel might help change things a bit? Or if she is really set in what she wants and not willing to listen to how it is affecting you then it might be more serious. I don't have good advice but I hope things can improve for you.
Thank you! Often when I do try to open up to my wife about this, she kind of provokes her anxiety and she starts thinking I'm blaming her for everything. Which I try not to do. I'm the type of person that doesn't care so much for blame storming, I just want solutions to problems, or at least a game plan put in place that leads to an eventual solution.
We've done counseling and marriage mentoring in the past. It helps in some respects, but never fully. I think the biggest issue is that when it comes to conversations like private school, I like to know that we both have a plan in place in case of what she wants falls through. For example, if we can't do private school, we're going to try for a charter school, or we're going to live in this district where the best public schools are - I can't always accept that I want him in a private school and I'm not going to compromise. Well, if the money isn't there, it just isn't there. I'm not willing to borrow thousands of dollars and go bankrupt, because I don't believe that is the best thing for our child to witness either.
The issue I have is an extreme case of sleep apnea. I use a CPAP nightly. I try to keep my weight down to keep the disorder from progressing. The CPAP lowers the apnea episodes out of dangerous levels, but my episodes are starting to increase even using the machine. Because of my sleep apnea, I've developed high blood pressure, low testosterone, and a myriad of other issues. I never feel well rested. I can't even lay down without struggling to breathe, even with the CPAP. I've had my pressures adjusted. My doc said the only way to really effectively counter all of this is through extensive jaw surgery, which would open up my air passageways and possibly eliminate my sleep apnea altogether. However, my insurance won't pay for the surgery and it costs about $18k. So, I continue to struggle with the machine until I can find some relief through the surgery. Even at a very low weight, I have always had sleep apena, I just didn't realize it. The years of untreated SA has kind of come to roost so to speak.
What kind of surgery is not covered by insurance? I don't imagine it could be any sort of necessary surgery. How much does private school cost? Can it cost more than your wife will make when she returns to work? Can't you advance in your profession and make more in the future?
There are tons of elective surgeries that are not covered by insurance. You're not a doctor or at least you're not my doctor, so you can't really say an elective surgery is not necessary. You're making it out to be that it's easy just to advance in a career and make a ton of money. That isn't always the case. I've advanced in my career, but that doesn't mean I'm suddenly going to be making six figures - doesn't mean I'll ever make six figures in my career. And there's more to a career than just the money. There's retirement to think about as well.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bobspez
It seems like you are just exaggerating all the possible downsides because you don't want to pay for private school. I went to private school from the 1st through the 9th grade. At that point I wanted to go to public school and got a great education at a free top rated academic public high school, and a great college education at a low cost top rated state university while living at home. I actually worked and got loans to pay for my whole college education and car and gasoline, so college cost my parents nothing.
It seems like you're a judgmental jerk.
[/quote]You are catastrophizing the future with an irrational belief that this one move to private school for one child (if you had three kids I'd be with you) will set the groundwork for your life long poverty and sacrifice. It's only an impossible situation in your imagination. Kids can be taught to sleep in their room with a night light. If you don't feel like having sex with your wife because she wants your son to go to private school, that's on you. What dreams does your wife have for your family that you both can't achieve? Why are you so afraid of the future? What dreams have you given up?[/quote]
Wow, you must really get off on judging people on forum boards.
The issue I have is an extreme case of sleep apnea. I use a CPAP nightly. I try to keep my weight down to keep the disorder from progressing. The CPAP lowers the apnea episodes out of dangerous levels, but my episodes are starting to increase even using the machine. Because of my sleep apnea, I've developed high blood pressure, low testosterone, and a myriad of other issues. I never feel well rested. I can't even lay down without struggling to breathe, even with the CPAP. I've had my pressures adjusted. My doc said the only way to really effectively counter all of this is through extensive jaw surgery, which would open up my air passageways and possibly eliminate my sleep apnea altogether. However, my insurance won't pay for the surgery and it costs about $18k. So, I continue to struggle with the machine until I can find some relief through the surgery. Even at a very low weight, I have always had sleep apena, I just didn't realize it. The years of untreated SA has kind of come to roost so to speak.
That's a very specific problem.
I hope you can find solutions!
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