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Old 11-04-2018, 03:12 PM
 
4 posts, read 3,749 times
Reputation: 15

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I'm a male, I'm about under 20 years of age. I know this guy about 2 years back, the more I know about him, the more I start to compare myself to him. I feel inferior to this guy because I think that he's genetically superior to me and has a better chance of getting this particular girl than I do (a girl we both know that we both are interested in). I'm full Asian while he's half Asian half Caucasian, but because of his half Caucasian side, he's taller (5'11-6' basically perfect height for a male), he's slightly bigger, and due to him being half white, I'm sure girls are more attracted to that because they want someone healthy with good genes to impregnate them. Every time something reminds me of this guy, I get this terrible feeling that just makes me depressed, for example if some how his country name shows up, I start to feel inferior, his first name shows up, I feel inferior, height is mentioned, I feel inferior. I tried to somehow improve my self esteem, it worked for a while but it never completely overshadows my feelings of inferiority when I compare myself to the guy. What's worse is that the particular girl I mentioned earlier does indeed talk to this guy often, I keep fantasizing and imagining them doing things together and it makes me extremely upset, depressed, and just feels like she's going to choose him over me because he's got the better genes. Overall, I just feel like he's more of a man than I am physically and I guess mentally too, basically he's the alpha and I'm the beta male and he will be getting that girl and I won't because she most likely will choose him over me.
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Old 11-04-2018, 03:19 PM
 
Location: Southern California
29,267 posts, read 16,623,239 times
Reputation: 18902
OP: You are who you are, so accept it and get on with life. Comparing yourself to someone else is a waste of time and energy.
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Old 11-04-2018, 03:20 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,094 posts, read 107,215,903 times
Reputation: 115905
Are you in college? If so, please visit your campus counseling center, to talk to someone about this. It should be a free service that's included in your health plan. You're living in your head too much about this, and it sounds like you're having repetitive, intrusive thoughts. I can't begin to evaluate you, none of us here can, but you should address this with a professional who can help you.

And bear in mind, that you're young; there will be other girls. Maybe he's more confident than you, so he attracts more attention. When you can get out of this negative mental space, and gain some self-confidence, and get happy, people will see that, and will be drawn to your positive energy.

Don't compare yourself to other people. Everyone has unique qualities, and talents to offer the world, Figure out how to be the best YOU, that you can be. Eventually, someone will notice, and it will be a unique match for you, not for the other guy.

Good luck, OP. Take advantage of the free services your campus offers. If you're not in school, look at your health insurance plan, to see of it covers mental health. Take care.
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Old 11-05-2018, 07:59 AM
 
30 posts, read 34,974 times
Reputation: 50
OP, being a female, I can honestly say that I have never listed off physical traits in my head in regards to choosing a mate. I am attracted to who I am attracted to. That happens to be my husband and I honestly don't really think about those things anymore. I don't think women really list off things about genetics and make checklists to make sure their potential mate meets their standards. We just happen to be attracted to those we find attractive.

Maybe your personality outshines his, your sense of humor? I find my husband very attractive for his quirky sense of humor and love of adventure and trying new things. This has nothing to do with his physical exterior. I understand where you are coming from, but perhaps if your potential lady is concerned with only genetics, you might look elsewhere, because that's pretty shallow.
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Old 11-05-2018, 08:05 AM
 
Location: Born in L.A. - NYC is Second Home - Rustbelt is Home Base
1,607 posts, read 1,079,348 times
Reputation: 1372
OP, you will never win when you compare your insides to another person's outsides.

Just work with what you got and keep improving best YOU can.
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Old 11-12-2018, 11:20 AM
 
13,513 posts, read 19,220,845 times
Reputation: 16579
Quote:
Originally Posted by mysteriousexpert5 View Post
Overall, I just feel like he's more of a man than I am physically and I guess mentally too, basically he's the alpha and I'm the beta male and he will be getting that girl and I won't because she most likely will choose him over me.
If height means so much to you, that you consider yourself "inferior" to someone with more...to the point that you believe "he will be getting the girl" because of it......you're probably right..he will.

But I doubt it would be because he's taller....more likely because he's confident in who he is.
I don't know any women who would choose to be with a man just based on his height... over a man who has great confidence in himself..something YOU lack big time.
Once you start embracing who you are, and loving yourself, your outlook and prospects will change accordingly.
You can't change what you were born with...accept it, and others will too.
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Old 11-12-2018, 02:51 PM
 
3,211 posts, read 2,956,206 times
Reputation: 14632
Attraction to his personality is more likely than attraction to his genes.
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Old 11-13-2018, 01:54 PM
 
Location: Gaston, South Carolina
15,697 posts, read 9,446,261 times
Reputation: 17596
Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead of the game, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and in the end it's only with yourself.

Quoting that "Wear Sunscreen" song from 1999 only because it's true
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Old 11-15-2018, 05:02 AM
 
Location: Henderson, NV
7,087 posts, read 8,602,043 times
Reputation: 9978
You make this girl sound like a deer or something, you really think she's thinking about someone "impregnating her?" This may be news to you, but plenty of girls -- like mine -- don't ever want kids and the idea of someone impregnating them at all is disgusting and undesirable. Who knows, maybe she feels the same way and this guy wants 7 kids, in which case you just jumped to the top of the list. Who is to say? Certainly assuming random things make him superior aren't that useful.

Everyone is superior to someone else at something. I know I'm a strong "alpha" kind of dude, I'm smart, have a solid career and money, but I can't change a tire, can't drive manual, can't cook, I suck at anything home improvement related, and I am odds are completely terrible at a large number of things that other people excel at doing. Stop focusing on what you AREN'T and start focusing on what you ARE, because I'm sure there are things about you that you do better than almost everyone else, and I'm sure you have parts of your personality that make you a really awesome guy to tons of people. Humanity is so specialized by this point, we are all mostly horrible at 100 random things picked out of a basket. It's about those couple of things you do exceedingly well that will define you in life. Ultimately, maybe Steven Spielberg is garbage at just about everything, he's pretty much incompetent let's just pretend at most menial tasks, most sports, most hobbies, but what does any of that matter? His name will live on forever as one of the great filmmakers of all time. Don't put yourself down and take yourself out of the game by pretending you know what someone else wants. Just be yourself and focus on your strengths, and work on improving those strengths.
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Old 12-07-2018, 01:17 PM
 
1,733 posts, read 1,196,772 times
Reputation: 9511
Maybe neither of you will "get the girl."

In fact, all you say is that she talks to him more than to you. What, if anything, are you doing to get to know her other than living inside your own head?

But that isn't the real problem anyway.

Do get some real assistance to learn how to deal with your feelings of inferiority and obsession about this subject. Having made some small effort in the past at raising your self-esteem was not enough.
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