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I find myself having a tough time keeping in touch with friends I think it's a combination of changes in my life, work, family take up most of my time. I don't have kids but my long term friends I hardly call anymore as I approach 50. I feel bad about it some I know would like to do things.
I also find I stopped talking to my extended family like cousins and aunts/uncle they live in other states nothing in common with them. I visited my uncle hadn't seen him in 10 years it was awkward stayed overnight we caught up but I found we had nothing in common. The things he liked I had no interest in. I do have a connection with him because he was my fathers brother my father passed when I was 25 He was so opposite of my father looks so much like him an sounds like him.
I kind of feel like when you grow up become middle age your no longer belong to a family you have your own life to live and things you like.
I worry about my future I have no kids wife and I are having issues might divorce. I do so much for my mother who is in her 80's I wonder what it will be like when I'm 80 with no kids. Medi-cal nursing homes are places I want to stay far away from. In a way I hope I don't live that long it sounds awful but it's the truth. I'm not rich enough to pay for high end long term care maybe best to just not worry about health and let nature take it's course.
Do you have life insurance? For me, that is some peace of mind for the future. We have no children; I worry about getting older; I anticipate being alone some day - no husband, no parents, no kids, I intend to move back to FL and hoping to have great friends.
I don't think anything you're saying is abnormal. I am 48 and I have grown so tired of one-sided friendships that many of them have ended. Why others can't take an interest in me baffles me; I have my hobbies and I try to stay social doing those (meetup groups) even if they are not close friends.
My extended family are also in other states and it's hard to stay in touch. I don't talk on the phone, I feel it's a complete waste of time. It's only enjoyable for yakkers and I am not a yakker. My cousins are on FB but they don't interact with me. I email my aunts and uncles occasionally.
I have talked to my therapist about my fears, worries, the future...it is what it is, you plan ahead the best you can, you enjoy your parents while they are still here. You have to have things to look forward to. I always plan to have at least 2 dogs...I look forward to rescuing as many as I can.
I find myself having a tough time keeping in touch with friends I think it's a combination of changes in my life, work, family take up most of my time. I don't have kids but my long term friends I hardly call anymore as I approach 50. I feel bad about it some I know would like to do things.
I also find I stopped talking to my extended family like cousins and aunts/uncle they live in other states nothing in common with them. I visited my uncle hadn't seen him in 10 years it was awkward stayed overnight we caught up but I found we had nothing in common. The things he liked I had no interest in. I do have a connection with him because he was my fathers brother my father passed when I was 25 He was so opposite of my father looks so much like him an sounds like him.
I kind of feel like when you grow up become middle age your no longer belong to a family you have your own life to live and things you like.
I worry about my future I have no kids wife and I are having issues might divorce. I do so much for my mother who is in her 80's I wonder what it will be like when I'm 80 with no kids. Medi-cal nursing homes are places I want to stay far away from. In a way I hope I don't live that long it sounds awful but it's the truth. I'm not rich enough to pay for high end long term care maybe best to just not worry about health and let nature take it's course.
I think your concerns are very valid, and for what it is worth, more common than you might think. I think it is normal to "drift away" as we get older - like you said, we grow to have less in common with people - even family. I live in alone and rarely hear from relatives and I am okay with it. As we drift apart, the conversations and get togethers become so awkward I have grown to actually prefer not seeing them. Maybe if you saw your uncle more things could be different? 10 years is a long time. That may be a relationship you could nurture despite having little in common. You are caring for your mom, too, which is incredibly stressful. Many give up, but you are helping her - you have a good heart. This is a rough time - don't worry about what "may" happen down the road. You have enough on your plate right now with your marital situation and caring for your mom, without worrying about something unforeseen.
Do you have life insurance? For me, that is some peace of mind for the future. We have no children; I worry about getting older; I anticipate being alone some day - no husband, no parents, no kids, I intend to move back to FL and hoping to have great friends.
I don't think anything you're saying is abnormal. I am 48 and I have grown so tired of one-sided friendships that many of them have ended. Why others can't take an interest in me baffles me; I have my hobbies and I try to stay social doing those (meetup groups) even if they are not close friends.
My extended family are also in other states and it's hard to stay in touch. I don't talk on the phone, I feel it's a complete waste of time. It's only enjoyable for yakkers and I am not a yakker. My cousins are on FB but they don't interact with me. I email my aunts and uncles occasionally.
I have talked to my therapist about my fears, worries, the future...it is what it is, you plan ahead the best you can, you enjoy your parents while they are still here. You have to have things to look forward to. I always plan to have at least 2 dogs...I look forward to rescuing as many as I can.
I have term life insurance though my employer enough to pay all our debt off if one of us dies we both have a policy. It doesn't make sense to spend lot of money on a policy if both of us have about equal pay. We kind of feel if one of us dies the other can just start off with no debt again sell the house. Watch out for whole life insurance those are basically a scam.
My estranged father died a few weeks ago, and only one friend reached out to me. Yet my estranged brother, posted about my dad dying and he got over 200 condolences on Facebook. I didn’t post anything, but we have many shared acquaintances/friends, and only 1 friend reached out to me. I deleted my Facebook account after that. What the hell is wrong with people?
My family has always been close to the point of being clannish.
At 70, things pretty much suit me : I live alone, and have a quiet life, which is how I like it.
I have 3 younger siblings and am on speaking terms with all of them. A Sister also lives alone in this city. We email every day, to make sure we are both still alive and uninjured (the Red Cross here also has a phone service to do that, every morning.) Do the same with a mate ,who I also see once a week.
Also go to a mens group at a local Community Centre, once a fortnight. We have speakers and go on outings, which I enjoy. There are actually two groups, each of 8 blokes. Ages range from 58 to 86. Problem with hanging around geriatrics is they have a nasty habit of dying, often suddenly. We've lost four in the last 18 months .
The last to go was 3 weeks ago. A pleasant man, short and wiry, dark brown hair. Still played base ball and went to the US each year for a senior's tournament. I though he was in his early 60's. He went home, had dinner went to bed and died. Turned out he was 81. We all said the same thing; so sad he's gone, we will miss him, the lucky bastard.
Popping off like that would be just dandy with me.
My estranged father died a few weeks ago, and only one friend reached out to me. Yet my estranged brother, posted about my dad dying and he got over 200 condolences on Facebook. I didn’t post anything, but we have many shared acquaintances/friends, and only 1 friend reached out to me. I deleted my Facebook account after that. What the hell is wrong with people?
Let me extend my condolences to you on the loss of your father. Some people are self-absorbed and lack good breeding. FWIF and IMO, simply pressing the "like" or "wow" button on Fakebook requires zero effort - it is the same as not reaching out at all. When my father died, two friends whom I have known & consistently saw for 25+ years and my entire family on my mother's side did not reach out. At all. Not one word. Needless to say, I have removed that selfish toxicity from my life.
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I understand.....
