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I have known several folks who committed suicide. Once I even took a long walk in the morning with a man who blew his brains out later that day. If he offered any clues I missed them. But then for me personally, when I have had suicidal thoughts I never shared them with anyone. I think most folks who are serious about it do not. I have always believed that once I am approaching an age or state of disability, that is approaching the need for a nursing home, I will end my own life. In the meantime, it is helpful to remember that during low times, it is temporary and will pass. I have not been significantly depressed in the last 30 years but I remember still how when you are in that place, your thoughts are not rational. Suicide is devastating for friends and loved ones and something that haunts them. But I still believe in free will. When the future holds no prospect of better days ahead (e.g., chronic illness, disability) I have no qualms about taking control of my own death.
Husband's childhood friend was diagnosed with cancer. I suppose he did not want to go through all of that treatment. He shot himself in the head in his bedroom. Horrible that his wife was the one to find him, but that was his choice. He was 70.
I think about it all the time. My birthday was yesterday and I spent it alone. Nobody cares and nobody would notice if I was gone.
I have no words of wisdom, I can only tell you I feel you....I think that all the time.
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