Can't think of a reason not to, sometimes.... (depression, quit, spouse)

[Eeko156]

I am in a bad place and sometimes cannot think of a reason to want to wake up. Am I missing something?

Everyone I love is dead except for my cats.

I have relatives, but distant. We don't really love each other, not in the way parents love children or spouses love each other.

I am in my mid-50's and will probably be facing homelessness within 4 years. I make $ 11.50 an hour despite holding a degree (admittedly, my depression and social anxiety have held me back, too). I have no house, no other income source but my paycheck.

I have some friends, but we have drifted - I can't afford to move back to my hometown, it is too costly to live there.

I hate my job and they hate me.

I don't date or socialize, and worse - I have no desire to.

I feel ugly (although, in reality, I am probably quite ordinary looking, not sure).

I want to hold onto some little hope, but there is not anything. I love my animals, and they keep me here.

I am not religious (but not for lack of trying).

Has anyone felt like this? What semblance of hope have you found?

[Willamette City]

Why don't you go to a pet shelter and volunteer? You love your animals, and this might help you connect to something. Talk to Government agencies that might be able to help you find an affordable place. You have a degree in what? I've had issues with social anxiety as well. Some counseling might help. You seem to be focused inwardly too much, try looking for a job that will expand your horizons and make you feel good about what you do.


I wish I had more advice, but I wish only the best for you.


Tim

[Eeko156]

My full time job leaves me little time, am very tired when I get home and should probably be looking for a second job. I appreciate your post, it is encouraging just hearing from kind people.

Degree is in General Studies. Yeah, not too lucrative :-( I just wanted something.

[Mayvenne]

Sorry you feel that way. I think Willamette suggestion is a good one . It would provide some interaction apart from work. Maybe even look for that with less commitment as you say you are really drained and tired from work.
Also, it may be counterintuitive but could you possibly look for a second (part time ) job? It might just alleviate a bit of your financial issues, and give another focus. IT might even prove to be a good thing and again some interaction and focus. If it's really bad, then quit and you will at least have a bit of extra $ and you will have some time back.
I do hope things improve for you. It's very hard to connect with people, and I can certainly appreciate that work can sometimes be awful. OTher than working though, sometimes repetition with people (as in a work place or a volunteer opportunity or a class of sorts) helps. you might not interact the first 3 or 4 times, but after numerous meetings, there is often some common ground. But, you need to be in it to win it so to speak.

[Rivercityblues]

Hi there

It does sound like you’re in a bit of a slump. I’ve been low before, climbed out, been back down and around and around again. Lately I’ve been on the up and up but I still have my moments.

For starters, how are you treating/managing your depression and anxiety? Do you currently see someone for this? If not, get on that. If yes, discuss with them exactly what you’re discussing here.

It does sound like you may be experiencing some loneliness. These friends of yours that you’ve drifted away from, anyway of reaching out to them and saying hello? Maybe try catching up with them, even if it’s only a phone call or message. Try it. Say hello, long time no see, what’s new...

As far as hope goes. Sometimes hope is hard to find. Sometimes it’s impossible to find. Sometimes you’ve gotta scrape a tiny shred of hope from wherever you can. A kind smile from a stranger. A random message on a billboard that strangely seems meaningful to you in that moment. The way your cat greets you at the door after a long day of work. An old song on the radio that takes you back to some far off distant memory of better times past. These are a few of the things I’ve scraped up little bits of hope from. Take anything you can find. And from my experience, hope is always in the smallest of places or faces or where I’m least expecting.

All I can say is hang in there man, even if all you’ve got is your cats. They certainly need you and they are enough to keep you going. My kitty companion has been with me for 14 years and we’ve been through some stuff. There’s been many a time when all I had was him to hang on to and somehow I’m still here today writing to you.

Also, try not to think about probably being homeless in 4 years. That sounds like anxiety rearing its ugly head. Just think about now, try to stay in the present. You’ve got a job, that’s great and more than some people have. You’ve got a roof over your head, again, that’s great and more than some people have. Try to remind yourself that while you may have it bad there are others who are lower. I know that’s no consolation whatsoever when you’re in a funk but you’ve gotta try looking for some small thing. Any small shred of hope or light. It’s there if you look hard enough. I promise.

[Count David]

OP, you've got more reputation points than posts on here, so you obviously have something positive to offer the world.

[nobodysbusiness]

Look into "negative thought loops," and maybe the Law of Attraction (if that appeals to you). There are lots of inspirational vids on YouTube that could help you.

Focus on getting a better paying job - focus on what is good in your life and what you DO want (not what you don't want or what you feel is missing).

Start a gratitude journal or practice.

Eat healthy, exercise, go to Meetups.

Do something different - don't expect life to hand you whatever on a silver platter.

[gypsychic]

Sometimes we just have to fight our way out of a slump! I know that happens to me from time to time. Try focusing on what you DO have, not what you might lose. Make some positive affirmations that you repeat to yourself every day. Smile even if you have to force it, you might be surprised how good it makes you feel. And force yourself out of your comfort zone - take up a new hobby, spend time in nature, go to a meetup, volunteer somewhere, you are bound to find people with things in common and therefore make new friends. Try singing and dancing!

There may be better jobs out there - be confident and work up a resume and apply! The world is full of possibilities. You can do it! We are all pulling for you!

[Willamette City]

I've read some of your other posts Eeko156 and you have a lot to offer! Don't sell yourself short. As we've noted before, maybe spend a bit more time with "real" people as opposed to City Data people. We're okay as a group, but we don't have a lot of substance.....

[Wild Flower]

I am in the same boat. I am close to your age, i am not working right now. I have NO NO NO idea where my future is. It is missing in action, me thinks!

I have no one for 900 miles. I'm dealing with depression and feel it will never even halfway heal. Sometimes I think if I didn't have my depressive feelings, I would have no feelings at all.

But I am trying to see life in a new light. I have felt so down on myself, I could not see my value. But I have self-worth! And finding a better me- a better life begins with me. My self-worth.

Self-worth defined from website: https://www.psychalive.org/self-worth/
"The sense of one's own value or worth as a person."

When we feel beaten down from life's struggles, it is hard to believe in ourself. No matter what we think of ourself (And I admit to having very negative thoughts of myself!), we each are valuable. There is only one me- one you OP one everyone else. self-worth is the smallest of starts, "biggest" of value.


I have a favorite quote from the BBC series, Call the Midwives:

"We an make much out of little, embrace the warmth of our ordinary days."

Have you ever had a moment that surprised you? Maybe it is as little as enjoying the sunset. On some days, lazy days that I haven't done much of anything, I will see the warmth of the sun setting- the light coming in my bedroom window. It is beautiful and makes me feel the warmth.

We can see the little things in a big way and let them fill us. It begins with ourself.

Does that mean other things (problems and needs unfilled) won't be there? Of course not. But we are in control and can change (our circumstances or even just one day or one MOMENT) more than we know.

And BTW, because I was looking up the quote, I bought the DVD of Call the Midwives! All 8 seasons (This next year is their 9th). I am so happy! Especially for that 8th season! I saw the second to last episode but not the last!

Sooo yeah hooray for me!!

I wish you weren't facing this too. It is hard to be alone. Best wishes to you.