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I've tried too hard on life to please other people. In the past, I've allowed others to make me feel guilty for not being who they want me to be.
Lately, I've noticed something about some people in my life. They want to talk about themselves and their situations but have no real interest in mine. Whenever I talk, they don't really care for our about what I'm saying. Just recently, one of them even admitted to this. He just wants me to have the same views as him or gets angry and will hang up, block me. Not sorry at all that I don't play those kiddie games. I don't block people or ignore them. I listen to what they have to say and then come to my own conclusions.
That seems to be the difference between me and several others who have been in my life (I'm thinking probably no more). I let other people have their opinions. For some reason, those other people will accept me only if I have their same opinions. So I'm done trying.
This has been a huge strain on my mental health for my entire life, and this is how it feels when family finally kills you. I completely understand reasons for suicide if believing biological family is all you've got. As much as you try loving them, they hate you back.
If being myself causes me to lose the closest people in my life, so be it.
You do have opinions, so just find a group that has the same opinions that you do (for the most part). The hard part would be finding that group. I guess it would depend upon your hobbies and interests.
You do have opinions, so just find a group that has the same opinions that you do (for the most part). The hard part would be finding that group. I guess it would depend upon your hobbies and interests.
The hard part is having the wrong opinions.
I have talked about this in detail in other posts and found some helpful advice but think I posted in the wrong place. This being a mental health forum, I am expecting people to at least understand some of what I'm saying because they have been there. It just doesn't seem that anyone I have meet has been there.. Except for a lady I meet just yesterday in a potential new place I visited. We actually had more than one thing in common and that has been an extremely rare find for me. She actually spoke with me without seeming frightened or suspicious of my being there. She was very friendly and welcoming. I rarely run into people like that. It seems those I tend to end with are very much into themselves and their way of life and addictions - not interested in my stuff at all.
I now honestly believe though that I'm going to have a bit difficulty anywhere I go if having to make company with outgoing party types. I like solitude with an occasional guest or outing, certainly not every single day, and outgoing types become quickly bitter with people like me. I do understand that much.
So much depends on how you deliver those opinions as well as this new-found attitude. OK, you condemn others for being abrasive and dismissive, but if you you do the same thing, people are even less likely to treat you with friendly respect. You do reap what you sow. Doesn't matter if you have the "wrong" opinions or the "right" ones.
FWIW, while I certainly get your frustration I would also comment there's also a lot of "I don't give a flying you-know-what" about YOU...I only care about ME" in this post. For the vast majority of humans what THEY want and think matters more than what someone ELSE wants or thinks. Just the way it is. You don't have to be a total doormat people-pleaser to get through life, but you don't have to be a dismissive attack dog either. Somewhere in the middle works best, and that will require that you to at least consider their position/opinion/comment before rejecting it. As for the "no one wants me, I've always been the victim" comment, that shouldn't give you a permission slip to treat others badly. Do you want revenge or do you want relationships?
Last edited by Parnassia; 11-23-2019 at 01:43 PM..
I've tried too hard on life to please other people. In the past, I've allowed others to make me feel guilty for not being who they want me to be.
Lately, I've noticed something about some people in my life. They want to talk about themselves and their situations but have no real interest in mine. Whenever I talk, they don't really care for our about what I'm saying. Just recently, one of them even admitted to this. He just wants me to have the same views as him or gets angry and will hang up, block me. Not sorry at all that I don't play those kiddie games. I don't block people or ignore them. I listen to what they have to say and then come to my own conclusions.
That seems to be the difference between me and several others who have been in my life (I'm thinking probably no more). I let other people have their opinions. For some reason, those other people will accept me only if I have their same opinions. So I'm done trying.
This has been a huge strain on my mental health for my entire life, and this is how it feels when family finally kills you. I completely understand reasons for suicide if believing biological family is all you've got. As much as you try loving them, they hate you back.
If being myself causes me to lose the closest people in my life, so be it.
Sounds similar to my older rebellious, angry sister who is mostly estranged from her brothers, mom, and now losing her friends while burning many bridges. She still blames my loving (and nagging) 80 plus year old mom for her situation in life from bad decisions SHE made 40 years ago (drinking, some drugs, parties, wrong crowd, etc). Has been married for years...luckily no kids. She stopped drinking 10 years ago. One of the best decisions ever made...still has issues though. I help take care of my mom and brother with special needs...she wants nothing to do with it. Lives 45 minutes away...won't meet for Thanksgiving of course and wouldn't call my disabled brother on his birthday. I just don't get it and have given up trying.
So much depends on how you deliver those opinions as well as this new-found attitude. OK, you condemn others for being abrasive and dismissive, but if you you do the same thing, people are even less likely to treat you with friendly respect. You do reap what you sow. Doesn't matter if you have the "wrong" opinions or the "right" ones.
FWIW, while I certainly get your frustration I would also comment there's also a lot of "I don't give a flying you-know-what" about YOU...I only care about ME" in this post. For the vast majority of humans what THEY want and think matters more than what someone ELSE wants or thinks. Just the way it is. You don't have to be a total doormat people-pleaser to get through life, but you don't have to be a dismissive attack dog either. Somewhere in the middle works best, and that will require that you to at least consider their position/opinion/comment before rejecting it. As for the "no one wants me, I've always been the victim" comment, that shouldn't give you a permission slip to treat others badly. Do you want revenge or do you want relationships?
Have tried the middle. Many have let me know they don't want the middle. They want all for themselves or nothing.
Sounds similar to my older rebellious, angry sister who is mostly estranged from her brothers, mom, and now losing her friends while burning many bridges. She still blames my loving (and nagging) 80 plus year old mom for her situation in life from bad decisions SHE made 40 years ago (drinking, some drugs, parties, wrong crowd, etc). Has been married for years...luckily no kids. She stopped drinking 10 years ago. One of the best decisions ever made...still has issues though. I help take care of my mom and brother with special needs...she wants nothing to do with it. Lives 45 minutes away...won't meet for Thanksgiving of course and wouldn't call my disabled brother on his birthday. I just don't get it and have given up trying.
Mom is dead. Dad is dead. Everyone else is mostly dead. I have barely any family left other than a few, and one of them who calls just for money and to talk about addictions but if I try to get one word in which does not agree with their opinions, I am wrong. So that is why I am done.
You are learning so much about people and at such a young age- I know people much older who have not learned what you know -
People love to talk about themselves and care little or nothing about you or anyone else
Listen to them for a few hours and they will tell everyone what a brilliant conversationalist you are
So much depends on how you deliver those opinions as well as this new-found attitude. OK, you condemn others for being abrasive and dismissive, but if you you do the same thing, people are even less likely to treat you with friendly respect. You do reap what you sow. Doesn't matter if you have the "wrong" opinions or the "right" ones.
FWIW, while I certainly get your frustration I would also comment there's also a lot of "I don't give a flying you-know-what" about YOU...I only care about ME" in this post. For the vast majority of humans what THEY want and think matters more than what someone ELSE wants or thinks. Just the way it is. You don't have to be a total doormat people-pleaser to get through life, but you don't have to be a dismissive attack dog either. Somewhere in the middle works best, and that will require that you to at least consider their position/opinion/comment before rejecting it. As for the "no one wants me, I've always been the victim" comment, that shouldn't give you a permission slip to treat others badly. Do you want revenge or do you want relationships?
Does not sound to me that I am playing the victim but everyone else involved here does. They look to me to agree with their every thought or they are angered. I can choose to agree or not agree, so can they, but they are determined to get mad and block me over a simple disagreement. I can take people's opinions from all sides and don't go off on them for it, but I will not be forced to find comfort in someone who wants to talk constantly about sexual and drug addictions. They need a therapist for that, not me. And I have told them that many times but they don't accept it.
You are learning so much about people and at such a young age- I know people much older who have not learned what you know -
People love to talk about themselves and care little or nothing about you or anyone else
Listen to them for a few hours and they will tell everyone what a brilliant conversationalist you are
I don't know who or whom you are responding to but I am about 60 years old. Guess that's young to some of you here on CD though.
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