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I don't know any place to talk about these issues other than here just because of the honest comments i see people get in certain forums about a subject on being unattractive. I am a 25 year old female that has been bullied my whole life for being ugly. In high school I surprisingly managed to get a best friend and other good friends, but i messed it up and I left high school with no friends, not going to get into that. My first year of college i was made fun of by kitchen staff, I was ostracized and didn't have any friends, however i did start college with friends; had a falling out with these friends. No one else at the school ever talked to me, even when i had friends. I quit school because i felt bullied. Even my own roommate made fun of me. I quit college and went to another one. I basically ended up quitting every college or school I attended due to being mercilessly made fun of. Even my friends made fun of me and pitied me. I would blatantly get stared at and laughed at whenever i go outside. Some strangers would even say I'm ugly or she is ugly as ****. On top of the bullying issues at school, at home my mom would tell my dad i looked funny looking, that i looked like a dog, and would say I'm ugly. She would never say it to my face, but tell other people how ugly i am; they could be total strangers or family members. My mom talks total trash about me to my aunt, brother and other close relatives. The last time i came home from school because i quit due to bullying they said that I should of been left there. My aunt has implied multiple times that I should commit suicide. Everyone in the family makes fun of the way I look. I have been in three mental institutions for my depression and anxiety. I can't go to therapy because people don't understand that life can be horrible if your unattractive. The last mental institution i went to the staff blatantly made fun of me. I even heard them make fun of me and the patients there make fun of me. I am always rejected and picked on. Every friend i get only befriends me out of pity because I'm always picked on. Right now I am doing online college and trying to get a degree online in Forensic Science. I really want to do Forensic Science and Social work. I don't know which one to pick. I want to be a Forensic Scientist and Child Protective Specialist, but I know i have to choose because i can't do both. Keep in mind that I'm in school online and I also have a job. I am doing all this while living with my emotionally abusive family.
Perhaps it's time to move out and live away from the abusive family? You are old enough to live by yourself.
Also, it would be helpful if you tell us why you think you're ugly. There are many people that aren't attractive and they have friends and a happy life. Maybe you should stop thinking about yourself that you are ugly and focus on your education and work? Maybe you should find out why/how you messed up previous friendships?
But I think, you really shouldn't be around people who think you are worthless or unattractive because that isn't true and you need to stop thinking that.
I believe that would be hard to live on my own if I pay for my schooling. Plus I have a phone bill and I take transportation like metro to get to work. I work at walgreens making 12.88 an hour that is definitely not enough money to live on my own.
Great that you are taking classes and work! Sorry that you feel persecuted in all your relationships. Your problems are too profound for you to handle alone because you are sad, angry and suffering with huge feelings of betrayal by your mother. Also, because you seem to blame your setbacks on others’ treatment to you, you haven’t completed the work of acquiring the skills to manage your relationships. You won’t master the necessary skills to properly soothe your soul and make all the Forward steps toward a fulfilling life without effective support to build your inner strength. Do a lot of research and find counseling....
You're obviously suffering, you also said you get honest answers on this forum, but I would implore you to find a therapist that you can learn to trust and get some help with your thought process. Your post is full of contradictions, you say how "ugly" you are but don't describe what you mean so it's hard to process. You say you don't have any friends, then you do, then you don't, and your friends make fun of you, but friends don't make fun of you, that's not the definition of a friend. You say you have quit many schools because of being bullied but it seems like there must be other issues involved. Honestly, your thinking about "being ugly", being bullied by mental health professionals, on mental health units, by other patients, and the described outrageous behavior by your family seems somewhat over the top of reality. You obviously have very poor self esteem, and a poor self image, what you see in the mirror may not, and is probably not what others see. You are probably anticipating that people are going to degrade you, criticize you, ostracize you, and if you anticipate a certain way of being treated, it will be more likely that you will perceive it, even though it may be an exaggeration or false perception on your part. There are many many examples of people who are considered unattractive, who are heads of state, presidents, famous scientists, etc etc etc. And many "beautiful" people have short lives in the lime light, because as they age, their looks dissolve and they have nothing else to stand on and end up losers with nothing to show for their lives. You at least have a goal, are working towards that goal, you have specific ideas of what you want to do and that's a big plus. Now you need some help with your thought process.
I suspect you may have components of "Body Dysmorphic Disorder", which is when people believe parts or all of their person is ugly, deformed, abnormal, etc., and they spend an inordinate amount of time anticipating ridicule. Those that can afford it many times seek out excessive plastic surgery and are constantly trying to change their appearance to no end, because it's an emotional problem, not a physical problem. Michael Jackson was felt to have this condition and went to great lengths to change his appearance when in fact, he was a handsome man, but became a scary looking guy from all his plastic surgery. He spiraled down emotionally over the years and well, we all know what happened to him. If you don't get some help, your future is going to be full of pain and depression, but there is really successful treatment for people who see themselves as you do, and there are many people who do, it's a matter of degree. You're also young and now would be the time to work on this, not in your 40's when this body image issue becomes more entrenched. God bless.
I believe that would be hard to live on my own if I pay for my schooling. Plus I have a phone bill and I take transportation like metro to get to work. I work at walgreens making 12.88 an hour that is definitely not enough money to live on my own.
Perhaps you can rent a room , not a whole house.
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