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Old 02-25-2022, 09:23 PM
 
Location: Southern California
1,827 posts, read 365,305 times
Reputation: 3043

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I empathize with the comments here. I'm an introvert, and a highly sensitive person. I need alone and quiet time daily or I get really ill. My sleep is affected, I start having pain in my body, I lose my appetite, then I can't concentrate anymore etc. Exactly this scenario happened to me after the first 9 months of corona. With my husband suddenly working from home.

I feel for the OP. What I did...after I got ill and had to be put on medication for sleep. I started spending time almost daily on the balcony, taking care of a small garden. To have some quiet time. I take a walk in the forest, very early in the morning when the weather is nice and there is no wind. Alone. I meditate every day once or twice, morning and evening. When he is at the gym. My husband uses the headphones while watching tv when I ask him to do it, especially in the evening. I read in silence, knit, exercise, clean the house when DH goes to the gym or to eat with a coworker, or to buy something etc. He is very into working out and so... I have at least 2 hours/day - quiet time.

Now I recovered and feel well again. I'm not on medication anymore. My sleep is fine, normal. I concentrate on the positive and I appreciate that my husband made an effort to help me. I also like that he is much more relaxed and calm, working from home.

My mistake was that I didn't talk to him from the beginning. It never crossed my mind that I will get so ill.

(Please, have a serious conversation with your DH. Make some changes. No need to divorce. He will understand if he loves you. Some people are desperate to have stimuli all the time. I'm the exact opposite. Constant stimuli - sound, talk, music, tv, etc - make me terribly ill).

All the best!
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Old 02-26-2022, 08:20 AM
 
7,509 posts, read 4,577,463 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thinkalot View Post
Some people shouldn't be married.
A little too late for that for me. Married 40 years, three grown sons.

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting alone time. My home life was flipped upside down with the pandemic. I am a bit envious that my husband gets time alone in our home ALL the time. He doesn't seem to complain about that.
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Old 02-26-2022, 08:21 AM
 
7,509 posts, read 4,577,463 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by farm fatale View Post
...I can't concentrate anymore
^That hit home. I do have difficulty concentrating, getting things done.
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Old 02-26-2022, 08:58 AM
 
7,509 posts, read 4,577,463 times
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I do appreciate everyone's support and suggestions.

Thank you. Thank you for letting me vent.

I certainly have to come up with a better plan. Hoping I will adjust to this new life is just not going to happen.
We have been married 40 years. House is paid for, cars are paid for, no debt. We are both 64 years old. No one is going to move out at this point in our lives.

It is interesting, I have talked to a lot of women. Women, as we age, we seem to become more independent. I am perfectly happy to go on a trip by myself, and he is okay with that--actually he enjoys having the house to himself. <--I guess for him it is just a perk as for me it is a need.

I did just remember that my husband lost his long time friend (from birth, their fathers were friends) two years ago. He worked with him too. I think it has had a profound effect on him. Major void in his life that cannot be replaced. It has just been a tough two years.

Little travel for me has been difficult. Although I did take a couple of trips. I used to hop on a plane every couple of months. I need to start traveling again. It does my soul good. I miss my International travel.

Pandemic go away...
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Old 02-26-2022, 11:47 AM
 
18,113 posts, read 10,568,377 times
Reputation: 23103
I think this may be a new normal and won't go back to pre-pandemic at least for a long time if ever.

It is important to communicate with the people in our space and make it work for everyone. For some of us this need for alone time is a mental and physical necessity. How would they feel if we got sick? It's important that this need not be invalidated, and they must be made to understand and to provide what we need for our own well being. If they really can't understand then they just need to be told that "I need this" and a plan put in place. If there is resistance, pressure can be applied and they might have to experience some things that make them just as uncomfortable as we feel being deprived of our physical and mental requirement. A little privacy and alone time at home once in a while is not a lot to ask. It is selfish for someone to refuse that and instead make it about them.
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Old 02-26-2022, 04:42 PM
 
622 posts, read 201,763 times
Reputation: 624
Quote:
Originally Posted by GiGi603 View Post
Venting.

I feel like I am going to burst some days. My husband just doesn't get it, his life has changed very little with this Pandemic. He used to work from home two days a week, now everyday he works from home. I used to off on Mondays and have the day to myself in my home. Other two days I would be home by 2:30pm and be home alone until 7pm.

I feel stifled. I miss my time alone. He doesn't get it. He takes it personally when I say I need time alone in our home. It is not like he bugs me. He is in his home office most of the day. I just embrace being alone in our house.

Last week on my birthday I told my son the best gift he could give me is time alone. Please take Dad somewhere for the day. Which he did. I had a wonderful day alone.

I love my family, but I need my time alone. My third son is now home due to unemployment due to the Pandemic. I just miss being home alone. It isn't the same if I just go somewhere alone. I love the solitude of my home.

So depressed...

This is really weird. He is your husband. He has the same rights as you to be at home, alone, and he WORKS. Would you like it if he told you "Go away, I want to be alone at home!"

Weird, weird wife!
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Old 02-26-2022, 04:55 PM
 
7,509 posts, read 4,577,463 times
Reputation: 33461
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rent.in.ny View Post
This is really weird. He is your husband. He has the same rights as you to be at home, alone, and he WORKS. Would you like it if he told you "Go away, I want to be alone at home!"

Weird, weird wife!
You are weird

I never said he does not have the right to be at home, alone. I work too. Nothing wrong with wanting to have alone time. I think it is rather healthy to take time for yourself.
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Old 02-26-2022, 10:53 PM
 
622 posts, read 201,763 times
Reputation: 624
[quote=GiGi603;62978632]You are weird

I never said he does not have the right to be at home, alone. I work too. Nothing wrong with wanting to have alone time. I think it is rather healthy to take time for yourself.[/QUOT


Why does it bother you when he is in the home office working? What do you do when you are at home alone that you cannot do when he is at home in his home office As one poster already said ..."spme people shpuld not be married." Does your husband know how you feel when he is at home? YOU are the weird one, believe me Your love life must be Zero.

Last edited by Rent.in.ny; 02-26-2022 at 11:10 PM..
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Old 02-27-2022, 06:00 AM
 
7,509 posts, read 4,577,463 times
Reputation: 33461
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamajane View Post
I think this may be a new normal and won't go back to pre-pandemic at least for a long time if ever.

It is important to communicate with the people in our space and make it work for everyone. For some of us this need for alone time is a mental and physical necessity. How would they feel if we got sick? It's important that this need not be invalidated, and they must be made to understand and to provide what we need for our own well being. If they really can't understand then they just need to be told that "I need this" and a plan put in place. If there is resistance, pressure can be applied and they might have to experience some things that make them just as uncomfortable as we feel being deprived of our physical and mental requirement. A little privacy and alone time at home once in a while is not a lot to ask. It is selfish for someone to refuse that and instead make it about them.
Thank you for your understanding. I need to work on the "new normal". I think most of us are exhausted from developing and accepting the "new normal". And there are changes that the "new normal" has forced on all of us. Yesterday I had several hours home alone. Felt like a reboot
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Old 02-27-2022, 12:19 PM
 
21,811 posts, read 19,751,478 times
Reputation: 52334
I can relate as I felt that way a lot when I was married. After he left, I raised 2 teens as a 100% single parent through college and then I was alone for real. Hated it. I was lonely.

In the middle of the pandemic, my daughter and her BF had lost their jobs and were struggling financially so I invited them to move cross country to stay with me until they get on their feet. What an incredible blessing these last 6 months have been! They both work restaurant shifts so I have almost every evening to myself, but plenty of company the rest of the time, as well as help with household chores and finances. To me, this is perfect.
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