Insomnia related to relationships? (sleep, anxious, emotions, problems)

[Durpie22]

After being able to sleep great my whole life, I randomly started having bad insomnia about a month after ending a 1 year relationship that I didn't want to be in anymore, so I didn't see any link to my insomnia. Then thru the past 3 year I realized I always slept better when I was spending the weekend with family and sometimes with friends. Now I just got out of a 3 month relationship and realized that I was sleeping much better during this, so I think I can confirm the link. The thing is I never feel anxious in my day to day life and don't feel lonely or like I need anyone, so then when is there this apparent link between relationships and my sleep? Can anyone relate? I also sleep better when I don't have to work the next day, and I don't worry about work.

[Parnassia]

Originally Posted by Durpie22

I also sleep better when I don't have to work the next day, and I don't worry about work.

Seems like you just debunked your own theory about a direct link between relationships and insomnia. If/when something is preoccupying you behind the scenes, you ruminate about it at night enough that it keeps you awake. Sometimes nighttime is the only time you are relaxed enough to do the work. I'd say this happens to just about everyone at different points in their lives. Your insomnia isn't linked to relationships per se, its linked to things you need to find some resolution for whether its anticipating the upcoming day at the office, loneliness, love, money, a long to-do list, needing to make a major decision, whatever.

[Ann Alison]

All sounds like good insight and advice. Sleep seems to be the ultimate indicator of a person's well-being. You can't fix not sleeping well. You have to fix everything else and then you will sleep well. (And it's worth it!)

[Blondebaerde]

Originally Posted by Durpie22

After being able to sleep great my whole life, I randomly started having bad insomnia about a month after ending a 1 year relationship that I didn't want to be in anymore, so I didn't see any link to my insomnia. Then thru the past 3 year I realized I always slept better when I was spending the weekend with family and sometimes with friends. Now I just got out of a 3 month relationship and realized that I was sleeping much better during this, so I think I can confirm the link. The thing is I never feel anxious in my day to day life and don't feel lonely or like I need anyone, so then when is there this apparent link between relationships and my sleep? Can anyone relate? I also sleep better when I don't have to work the next day, and I don't worry about work.

Self-resolves. Two inner circle friends reported substantial insomnia during their marriage breakups. One friend keeps repeating the same errors on a 5-10 year basis, and after the (upcoming) third strike I think he'll finally wise up that the method is the error. Odd that guys finally start to puzzle that out in their 40s-50s. Unfortunately... includes me too, wisdom via School of Hard Knocks.

I don't feel emotions similar to most guys either, if that's what you're stating. No craving serial monogamy or the need to be in a "relationship" every waking moment. Consequently no sleep problems, in fact quite the opposite. A maps to B, great stress definitely gets the mind to swirling. Don't over-complicate your life, men have a tendency to do that and invent elaborate justifications.

There exists a massive body of work on this topic via the 'Tube and literature. Couple different names for it, none of which I'll record here to avoid waves. Coaching is big business and half are at the other half's throat more than half the time claiming the others are idiots. As-always, the truth is somewhere in the middle and you'll find your own equilibrium.