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My mom had Bipolar Disorder 1 and my brother is schizophrenic. Both were or are on prescription meds for these disorders. Both were or are completely disabled by them. My mom was very resistant to the stigma of any, ANY mental health issues but thankfully my brother isn't - finally. After he lost everything and had a complete psychotic break, scaring all of us nearly to death in the process.
OP how long has your BF had his job?
You know what - I would tell him about your mental health issues and your prescriptions and then ask about his. See if he is forthcoming. If not, red flag, red flag!
He hasn't told you about even the herpes? That seems pretty pertinent to me.
OP, you are getting a lot of heat on here about reading his prescription fliers or receipts. Personally, I don't blame you - I mean, I don't guess he was trying to hide them and I would have read them. Anyway, I wouldn't worry much if at all about the viagra and the stuff for depression, but the Latuda and the herpes meds - I'd want to know more about those, for sure.
Good luck!
He's had his job for 15 years. So he can't be that dysfunctional, can he?
So he left this trash with you? I think that makes it fair game for you to access, not the same level as snooping through his phone or mail.
I disagree with others that what you did was wrong. You need information like this when in a new relationship.
Since you yourself take meds for mental health, why not bring up the subject by talking about your own "stuff" and see if he opens up about his?
It will also reveal if he is smart enough to realize that you might have looked at his receipts or if he cares that you did, which is more information that you might want.
I think you are splitting hairs. I know it was wrong to snoop but I don't regret it. However, He will NEVER know that it happened. I'll never tell.
He's had his job for 15 years. So he can't be that dysfunctional, can he?
My ex was in construction and made his way up to being foreman, earning good money. Even though he periodically beat up guys here and there. He always got away with it because he was smart, a good worker when he was at work and beat up the guys no one liked. So he sort of did what everyone wanted to do (he also had road rage and beat up random people on the road every few years).
He was well respected and feared at work. You don't want to get a muscular 6'4" guy angry at you. He could just kill you with his eyes. Even when he was pumped full with pills and could barely see straight he was smarter than everyone else. I am surprised he never fell off a ladder or hit his head on an iron beam. I am not sure if this is a coincidence but every mentally ill person I ever met was extremely smart and able to function much better than anyone else during their "highs." That's why they get away with being bipolar - they are insanely great, smart, caring, intense people when they are "on." When he had a low, I could have been dying in front of him he would not have given a crap.
While other people were out for the flu or other stuff, he was out for depression.
My ex was in construction and made his way up to being foreman, earning good money. Even though he periodically beat up guys here and there. He always got away with it because he was smart, a good worker when he was at work and beat up the guys no one liked. So he sort of did what everyone wanted to do (he also had road rage and beat up random people on the road every few years).
He was well respected and feared at work. You don't want to get a muscular 6'4" guy angry at you. He could just kill you with his eyes. Even when he was pumped full with pills and could barely see straight he was smarter than everyone else. I am surprised he never fell off a ladder or hit his head on an iron beam. I am not sure if this is a coincidence but every mentally ill person I ever met was extremely smart and able to function much better than anyone else during their "highs." That's why they get away with being bipolar - they are insanely great, smart, caring, intense people when they are "on." When he had a low, I could have been dying in front of him he would not have given a crap.
While other people were out for the flu or other stuff, he was out for depression.
So, dysfunctional, yes - but still successful.
Wow, that's terrible. I've heard stories, but I guess I never actually knew anyone with bipolar. My own grandmother was bipolar, but she died when I was a baby.
I think you are splitting hairs. I know it was wrong to snoop but I don't regret it. However, He will NEVER know that it happened. I'll never tell.
Well allrighty then. The end result is the same.
My daughter has bipolar disorder. When her meds are right, she functions just fine. Sometimes meds have to be adjusted, but she can feel it and she knows and she sees a doctor right away. Hopefully your bf has the same handle on managing his illness. Good luck.
I would think the herpes would be the immediate issue, followed by the mental health concerns. I don't think there is any way you can really bring the snooping up without negative incident.
I find your comment about wanting to fix him and that he has to want the help bizarre (given that you've never had any deep conversations about any of his "issues").
just because he is taking pills doesn't necessarily mean he is managing his mental illness well. There is a stigma for a reason ...
I am surprised he can be a firefighter if he is taking all of those meds.
I hope you are having protected sex.
OP, if I was you I would either bring up that you saw the bottles in the trash and that you snooped and you have some questions. Aka how does his mental illness affect him and the people around him. Does he have any symptoms, what kind how often, anger issues, etc. etc.
If you dont want to do that, I would somehow gear the conversation in that direction and see if he comes clean. I am not sure where you live but for me, I ALWAYS ask these questions before we have sex - because everyone in CA is either mentally ill or depressed or on some sort of meds.
I was the GF of a bipolar man. He told me on the 3rd date. He was wonderful. He went above and beyond. For 3 months I felt like the luckiest girl. Then he showed his real colors.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stagemomma
The sleep issue is something I have already decided to set a boundary for. He snores terribly and has sleep apnea. This directly impacts me as I have to deal with the loss of a night's sleep in exchange for snuggling with him. So I decided that he won't be sleeping over until he gets around to getting his sleep study done. Haven't presented this idea to him yet. We are taking our time. Thank goodness his work schedule and mine prevent us from too much togetherness!
There is nothing in the job description of "firefighter" that says he can't take those meds or have a specific type of mental illness. It is only an issue if it is an ISSUE - that is, if he has bad side effects from the meds or the meds aren't controlling whatever symptoms that would then make him do badly on the job. If his issues are well-controlled then great.
OP - you may just be being flip, but only a month in and making jokes about his work schedule and not sleeping over because of his snoring are the two BIGGEST issues. Why are you continuing? Will his work schedule change? Will you just keep going back to your place rather than sleeping over (especially since you like snuggling)? And you've been having sex but he's not mentioned herpes? I'd hope you're using protection at this early stage but that's not great on his part. And at some point you might want to ditch the condoms but that's tough with herpes.
You have a lot of things to think about - and sooner rather than later.
There is nothing in the job description of "firefighter" that says he can't take those meds or have a specific type of mental illness. It is only an issue if it is an ISSUE - that is, if he has bad side effects from the meds or the meds aren't controlling whatever symptoms that would then make him do badly on the job. If his issues are well-controlled then great.
OP - you may just be being flip, but only a month in and making jokes about his work schedule and not sleeping over because of his snoring are the two BIGGEST issues. Why are you continuing? Will his work schedule change? Will you just keep going back to your place rather than sleeping over (especially since you like snuggling)? And you've been having sex but he's not mentioned herpes? I'd hope you're using protection at this early stage but that's not great on his part. And at some point you might want to ditch the condoms but that's tough with herpes.
You have a lot of things to think about - and sooner rather than later.
I'm continuing because he's a good guy. None of what anyone has posted has convinced me to drop him. I like him. He likes me. It feels good to have someone in my corner. So he's dysfunctional. Well, so am I. I'm not one to throw the baby out with the bathwater. Sex has not been an issue...we have not been intimate since I learned about the herpes and I've got that sorted, we are using condoms and he is on valcyclovir so my doctor said that is okay.
His schedule will not change, it will continue to suck. Last sunday we had plans for dinner but he picked up an overtime shift and there was a fire so he had to cancel. I was exhausted from my weekend so I didn't mind.
This weekend we are going on a road trip...an excellent opportunity to talk about depression and meds, get to know each other better and have some fun away from work/home.
I'm continuing because he's a good guy. None of what anyone has posted has convinced me to drop him. I like him. He likes me. It feels good to have someone in my corner. So he's dysfunctional. Well, so am I. I'm not one to throw the baby out with the bathwater. Sex has not been an issue...we have not been intimate since I learned about the herpes and I've got that sorted, we are using condoms and he is on valcyclovir so my doctor said that is okay.
His schedule will not change, it will continue to suck. Last sunday we had plans for dinner but he picked up an overtime shift and there was a fire so he had to cancel. I was exhausted from my weekend so I didn't mind.
This weekend we are going on a road trip...an excellent opportunity to talk about depression and meds, get to know each other better and have some fun away from work/home.
So he knows that you know about the Herpes? And, he knows that you know about the Viagra? So all that's left is the Latuda?
So he knows that you know about the Herpes? And, he knows that you know about the Viagra? So all that's left is the Latuda?
No, he doesn't know that i know about any of it.
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