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I love my mom but sad to say, i dont like her. and the guilt i feel for saying that has/will eat me up.
These feelings have been progressing for a good 10 yrs. now. which, irronically should be the happiest 10 yrs. of my life but!!!! the jokes on me as she sucks any chance of happiness right out of me.
yes i know she's got this disease, that disease, this prob. that prob. etc etc etc etc etc.... and trust me! i do sympathize with her of course! and trust me! thats all i hear about for as long as 2-3 hrs. straight when she calls me.
I can actually listen to her for 3 hrs. and have only said 10 - 20 words the entire time becuase she doesnt give 2 craps about anything i might want to talk about...pshhh i gave up talking anything to her years ago.
I am 50 yrs. old but do you think i know anything about anything lol nope, not as far as shes concerned. she contradicts any little thing i say and/or dissagrees with me. she can become vicious! towards me if i dissagree with her and usually does if i try to defend myself and she eventually starts to call me names and say things about me that just arent true! as if to be proud to thrash her own daughter even if to make it up. who knows? i think she even believes her lies about me sometimes.
Well, this behavior of my mother towards me has caused much underlying depression, anxiety, sadness etc. I also cannot deal with the guilt she has embedded in me, the feelings "she" has caused. I have gotten mean with her..many times but she pushes it to that point and what better way to deal with craziness than to get crazy!! Its all very confusing and very sad and all i ever wanted is to love my mother "unconditionally" and she even makes that hard
I feel your pain. I'm your age and my mom is like this, too. except, she doesn't call me names. I distance myself to retain my sanity, but then feel guilty because she's 80 years old.
I know this is an old thread but it's still relevant. My mom is in her 60s. She complains about everything and everybody. She's never satisfied with anything I do. I gave her 5 grandkids but none of them can/have ever been to her house. She says she doesn't want them tearing up her house. She comes over our house every weekend. She doesn't act like a normal grandparent. She was me to cook and plan events and go places and she just tags along with us. she has distanced herself from all her side of the family so growing up I never knew anybody on her side. My dad split when I was a baby so I never knew his side either. Just me and her for 40 something yrs.
I know this is an old thread but it's still relevant. My mom is in her 60s. She complains about everything and everybody. She's never satisfied with anything I do. I gave her 5 grandkids but none of them can/have ever been to her house. She says she doesn't want them tearing up her house. She comes over our house every weekend. She doesn't act like a normal grandparent. She was me to cook and plan events and go places and she just tags along with us. she has distanced herself from all her side of the family so growing up I never knew anybody on her side. My dad split when I was a baby so I never knew his side either. Just me and her for 40 something yrs.
Such a tough one, maybe you need to get a good dose of TOUGH LOVE and hit her with it. What a waste of lives.
I know this is an old thread but it's still relevant. My mom is in her 60s. She complains about everything and everybody. She's never satisfied with anything I do. I gave her 5 grandkids but none of them can/have ever been to her house. She says she doesn't want them tearing up her house. She comes over our house every weekend. She doesn't act like a normal grandparent. She was me to cook and plan events and go places and she just tags along with us. she has distanced herself from all her side of the family so growing up I never knew anybody on her side. My dad split when I was a baby so I never knew his side either. Just me and her for 40 something yrs.
Well, what is it you want from her at this point? Not to "tag along"? Not to spend her weekends at your house? Not creating a substitute life for her (now that she's cut everyone else out of hers)? If you don't WANT this and are tired of the constant complaints, badmouthing, and her constant presence, you'll need to change the recording. Become less available. "I'm sorry mom, this weekend isn't convenient". When she starts in on a rant, cut it off. "I'm sorry you feel that way. That is all I need to hear about it."
If you don't intend to make changes I guess you'll need to stop complaining and accept what you've got. We all need to teach others how we wish to be treated (aka: used).
My mother is extremely negative, almost impossible to please. Always complains about everyone and everything (i.e., "The waitress was horrible", "You drive too fast", I'm too fat", "This town is full of crime"). If things aren't perfect she's complaining and loves to talk smack about other people. I am a grown adult and now questioning if this is why I have such issues with anxiety/fears/panic? And how should I handle being around her negativity? She is not realistic as to try to talk sensibly with her. HELP!
I think you just need to love her for who she is. We get one mom, and sometimes the more tumultuous the relationship was, the more you can struggle when they are gone. I urge you to not "cut yourself" off from her. I say this from experience. Yes, I believe growing up like that can contribute to anxiety as we get older. But that is nothing compared to the guilt you may feel if you cut yourself off from her and God forbid something happens to her. Actually, she sounds quite realistic, but perhaps lacking in proper 'filters'. It does not mean she does not love you. Try to be strong, don't engage or try to argue, just shrug the comments off.
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