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Old 10-07-2008, 08:53 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
746 posts, read 1,992,934 times
Reputation: 431

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at what point do you say enough is enough and start putting the needs of the other children above the one with the disorder? Do you allow that child and their problems totally ruin your family? If you were divorced and able to send that child to live with the other parent, would you split the kids up and do so if you'd just had enough?
Please, these are serious questions. No off-topic or inflammatory remarks. You know the saying, "If you don't have something nice to say, then keep it to yourself." Thoughtful and well-meaning responses only, please.
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Old 10-07-2008, 09:22 AM
 
Location: Iowa
134 posts, read 544,925 times
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These are very differcult choices you make . I can see how hard its for a single parent with this disorder. Its not an easy thing to discuse about .There are some parents who do split their childern up i know of who did she has 2 childern living with her and she has 3 living with dad . she showed me a picture of her childern i didnt go into askiing her why she did it that way because its non of my buisness. it depends on how old your child is the they get the more they remember what you did . If your child is 7 or up and you do this your child might show more resentment to you for doing this and your other childern might as well too .just want to know how many childern do you have.
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Old 10-07-2008, 09:44 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
746 posts, read 1,992,934 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vergla View Post
These are very differcult choices you make . I can see how hard its for a single parent with this disorder. Its not an easy thing to discuse about .There are some parents who do split their childern up i know of who did she has 2 childern living with her and she has 3 living with dad . she showed me a picture of her childern i didnt go into askiing her why she did it that way because its non of my buisness. it depends on how old your child is the they get the more they remember what you did . If your child is 7 or up and you do this your child might show more resentment to you for doing this and your other childern might as well too .just want to know how many childern do you have.
Thanks for the thoughtful response. We have three. I am remarried and my husband and I work very hard to address all the needs of the children. I have had my career derailed in these efforts as it is very stressful and time consuming. I've had numerous therapy and doctor appointments as well as meetings with her teachers. Hours spent trying to work with them on homework and other things. The oldest is almost 13 and is the one with the bulk of the issues and takes the majority of our time and energy. A year ago she was particularly disruptive and we worked really hard to get her on track through both behavioral and medication therapy. Now that school has started back up she is backsliding again. I don't know if we can go through this again. The other two are younger and have a right to our time and attention too. Her biological father is the one who has bipolar disorder and she inherited it from him. She is just like him in so many ways. Previously, he was not on track in his life and getting the right treatment for his illness. Now he is on a medication regimen and getting his life on track. They have always been close too.
The siblings do love each other, but she is also very controlling and disruptive to them as well. I'm just thinking that maybe it is time to let her go to her dad for awhile. Having only the one to deal with, maybe she would benefit from that situation.
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Old 10-07-2008, 10:24 AM
 
Location: Bellingham, Wa
63 posts, read 228,593 times
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This question is a very hard one I know. I have a now 16yr old who is bipolar. She has put us through the ringer trying to get her help. We also have a 6 yr old autistic son and a three year old typical son so far. We spent the last three years at the other childrens expense getting her help. She is stable now. She chose after spending the summer with my sister to stay and live with her. It was hard at first but now that she is living somewhere else. I can really see how much toll it was taking on my other children. They love their big sister but they have blossomed with her gone. Especially my three year old. The two oldest were just taking up all of our attention because of their problems. Now he actually has some attention for himself. My daughter likes the attention my sister can give her. She has had some problems since their but they have been dealth with easier than when she was with us. I think it will be best for us all in the long run.
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Old 10-07-2008, 10:28 AM
 
Location: Iowa
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Be very careful on how you handle this situration with your daughtler at her sinseative age .I would ask her if she would like to go live with father .So she knows you are just asking her also if she dose i would try to make a day where you could it a day with just you and her together . I myself have a daughtler with ADHD and it can be diffecult at times i do sometimes feel like i paying attention to her instead of her sister also i have times where it just seems like i am always having to talk to her on she is mean to her sister and put in time out
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Old 10-07-2008, 10:48 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
746 posts, read 1,992,934 times
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They love their big sister but they have blossomed with her gone.
We have seen this happen with the younger ones when their sister is gone for a weekend to the respite care provider. Unfortunately they are taking this away from us and we won't have this little break anymore.
Be very careful on how you handle this situration with your daughtler at her sinseative age .
She is very close to her father, partly because she is just like him in almost everyway possible except gender. She has asked to go live with him before, but I would never have allowed it in the past because he was not stable. Now that he is doing better, I'm sure she would jump at the chance if given the opportunity. I would be careful in how I present it though. I want to do what's best for everyone in the family.
Maybe, at a minimum, she would see that the grass is not always greener on the other side. She gets angry when we enforce the rules. Let her try her antics at her dad's and see how she likes it when HE enforces the rules and makes her get her homework done, etc.
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Old 10-07-2008, 10:58 AM
 
Location: Iowa
134 posts, read 544,925 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by geekduo View Post
They love their big sister but they have blossomed with her gone.
We have seen this happen with the younger ones when their sister is gone for a weekend to the respite care provider. Unfortunately they are taking this away from us and we won't have this little break anymore.
Be very careful on how you handle this situration with your daughtler at her sinseative age .
She is very close to her father, partly because she is just like him in almost everyway possible except gender. She has asked to go live with him before, but I would never have allowed it in the past because he was not stable. Now that he is doing better, I'm sure she would jump at the chance if given the opportunity. I would be careful in how I present it though. I want to do what's best for everyone in the family.
Maybe, at a minimum, she would see that the grass is not always greener on the other side. She gets angry when we enforce the rules. Let her try her antics at her dad's and see how she likes it when HE enforces the rules and makes her get her homework done, etc.
I hope the family for her and your family I agree you are doing whats best for her
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Old 10-08-2008, 01:53 PM
 
Location: ,ARIZONA
206 posts, read 568,673 times
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i would never stop loving my son who 7 hes has AUTISM /BIPOLAR there are days when i wish i never had him but when he smiles at me and says i love you mommy that feeling goes away

its hard for all parents to go thought this but as they get older then get better

my son is in a therphy home right now to get him the help they need but after the 6 months are over i have to deal with it but with the help from the family we will get throught is and god love

hang in there it will get better
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Old 10-08-2008, 02:45 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
746 posts, read 1,992,934 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LADY_DI View Post
i would never stop loving my son who 7 hes has AUTISM /BIPOLAR there are days when i wish i never had him but when he smiles at me and says i love you mommy that feeling goes away

its hard for all parents to go thought this but as they get older then get better

my son is in a therphy home right now to get him the help they need but after the 6 months are over i have to deal with it but with the help from the family we will get throught is and god love

hang in there it will get better
I never said I didn't love her, I do love her very much. That doesn't make life any less stressful. It's not like I'm dumping her off, just sending her to live with her father for a while. Someone who also loves her.
We don't have anything like a therapy home around here. The times when she has went into the hospital for therapy and medication management were only for a 2-4 week stay.
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Old 10-08-2008, 05:33 PM
 
Location: ,ARIZONA
206 posts, read 568,673 times
Reputation: 126
Wink i never said

i never said you didnt love her where you live what state ???

but sending her to her dads that also have bipolar may hard on him cause i knoe im biploar too and its very hard dealing with my crap and my sons

see if your friends are family we take her for a couple of days so you can breath
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