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Is there anyone else like me out there, willing to admit that, to a greater or lesser degree, they tend to isolate themselves away from friends and loved ones? This often happens to people who have been homebound for some reason, i.e. unemployment, illness, becomming someone else's caretaker - all kinds of reasons. Eventually, it becomes almost unpleasant to go out, and when one does so, they often can't wait to get back home and relax, be alone.
I'd like to share stories, understand how this happens to so many of us, share ways to cope and find a way out of the isolation eventually.
Today is my first time here, so I am not fully aware of all the technical stuff yet. If anyone thinks this should be a semi-private thread, I'd like to know if there is a way we can do that. Thanks ....
There's a big difference between being alone and being lonley. I live fairly remote and enjoy the solitude. You describe what happens to me when I go to town & run errands. I'll put it off until there's a long list of to-do's, get half of them done, decide the rest aren't important and head for home.
I think it is more of an American phenomenem. The cities are designed so poorly, and people try to find big isolating houses to get away from people. Very few social outlets exist, etc.
When you are in Europe, Asia, Africa, or Latin America...there are tons of public spaces and great downtowns where people can socialize and interact. Whereas the U.S. is designed for people to shop at Wal-Mart and bring it home to your big house and withdraw from everyone and everything.
Yes, that's a good point - I live in a busy, high population density but interesting section of Chicago. 78% of us live in rented apartments. And I've been to Europe and Latin America, and it's true that there are not as many public spaces here. And you know, it just occurred to me that this might even have to do with American urban planning to discourage "loitering" which, actually, means the many American homeless people hanging out, and I guess selling drugs, too. Not to mention talking about how much it sucks to be an American. So I think you're onto something, Tiiger Beer.
But I did read that the UK has a growing number of people who don't leave their homes. I have loved being a city person, have lived here 23 yrs. But suddenly I have a shortage of friends, have health problems including fatigue, pain, hairloss and weight gain due to taking necessary prednisone. My problem is called "Agoraphobia." It has been wavering off and on for about 10 years, but since I had this bad flare, there are reasons I'd like to go out, and it's just too frightening. I know there are many others like me.
I don't want to discourage people who just have a "tendancy" to isolate from adding to this thread. There are all shades of "in between" from being a party animal and painting the town every night to being afraid to leave your home. Probably most people would rather not go out, but always have to force themselves in the end, and that's what keeps a bad case of agoraphobia from taking over.
I have learned to be alone, and have never minded it at all, I actually enjoy solitude and the freedom to keep my own schedule. And I know the difference between alone and lonely. You can feel lonely in a crowd, or in a marriage with three kids. It's an interior situation, for the most part. However, I just happened to read the results of a research study that showed 90% of the subjects listing "lonliness" as being one of their top three problems in life - among all kinds of other problems. So I wonder what causes this, too.
I read last night that people who live as recluses increase their morbidity rate just as fast as if they were smoking two packs of cigarettes a day. Unbelievable. The statistics are very grim. Being physically among friends is actually proven to boost your immune system tremendously. Maybe humans are heard animals. What do they call the groupings of the great apes? They are small communities, I think.
the public image "westernized" countries and their "media coverage" are promoting, is young, academically educated, infallibly successful.
others "need not apply" anymore. their presence is a nuisance, but no one even needs to hear that. positive vibrations everywhere.
Hey, nice to see you over here effie
This is in response to GrammaCabin but i figured it would be appropriate to post it in response to your post since you seem to appreciate the words of Osho.
When you are alone you are not alone, you are simply lonely - and there is a tremendous difference between loneliness and aloneness. When you are lonely you are thinking of the other, you are missing the other.
Loneliness is a negative state. You are feeling that it would have been better if the other were there - your friend, your wife, your mother, your beloved, your husband. It would have been good if the other were there, but the other is not. Loneliness is absence of the other.
Aloneness is the presence of oneself. Aloneness is very positive. It is a presence, overflowing presence. You are so full of presence that you can fill the whole universe with your presence and there is no need for anybody.
Last edited by coyoteskye; 07-19-2009 at 12:30 PM..
I have complete respect for solitude as an exempliary means of living in the world. However, I was just reading about people who do not spend any physical time at all among people in general, or with friends or loved ones at all. Isolates. These people have a morbity rate as if they were smoking 2 - 3 packs of ciggerettes a day. It is a real life shortener. Of course pets help, but life is still cut short by lack of any social life that involves the physical presence of other people. They have even proven that being among friends improves our immune systems.
I think most sociologists say we need social connections for contented lives. I know I sure do.
But community and connections are very, very important to me only 50% of the time. For the other half, I want to be solo and digest what I've heard or think quiet thoughts and be quiet with myself. Write, read a book, play with my dog, watch a video, listen to music...
Too much over-stimulation makes me stressed.
But if one's truly solo all the time, I suspect that would negatively impact us physically, mentally and spiritually.
I'd certainly seek help in order to become more connected in a meaningful way. Not talking cocktail party idle chatter here, but meaningful rich and vibrant connections and friendships. Found many of mine through volunteering and forming or joining groups of kindred spirits for my passions and hobbies.
Hey, nice to see you over here effie
This is in response to GrammaCabin but i figured it would be appropriate to post it in response to your post since you seem to appreciate the words of Osho.
When you are alone you are not alone, you are simply lonely - and there is a tremendous difference between loneliness and aloneness. When you are lonely you are thinking of the other, you are missing the other.
Loneliness is a negative state. You are feeling that it would have been better if the other were there - your friend, your wife, your mother, your beloved, your husband. It would have been good if the other were there, but the other is not. Loneliness is absence of the other.
Aloneness is the presence of oneself. Aloneness is very positive. It is a presence, overflowing presence. You are so full of presence that you can fill the whole universe with your presence and there is no need for anybody.
Wow-- a most awesome observation.
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