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You probably don't even realize that what you just wrote is a crase, offensive overgeneralization about Europeans. Europe is a continent with many different countries and mentalities. Yes, people are more laid back in Europe, but to say they have no plans for the future is nonsense. Plus, things have changed a lot during the past 10 years and people are becoming more competitive and for themselves. Making friends in Europe (I'm from Europe) was a lot much easier, just as it was easier back on the East Coast of the United States (Philly, New Jersey etc.). Sometimes it is not only about making friends, but making friends with the right people, one shares an interest with. I could make friends with my fellow students who like to party on a weekly basis, and yet have no interest in research and intellectual things. I don't think I want to spend my time at work gossiping just to be friends with them. This is not the kind of people I want to call or keep in touch after I graduate.
That being said, I think most of my issues stem from cultural differences. I was raised to be responsable, work hard, and give 100% + at work. It's amazing how here people won't come 1 minute early or leave 1 minute after work. The sooner they can get out, the better. The moment I suggested that we need to be more flexible (my supervisor said that we need to), all got into a defensive. I think it is little things like this that make a difference. So, from now on, I won't bother.
I made a decision to be politically correct with everyone and if something is to come out of it, then it's fine, if not, that's fine, too. I will not beg anyone.
In the past 2 weeks I made to new acquitances, and so things are getting better.
I think its hilarious about how you try condemn me for generalizing while you generalize in your response.
Of course everyone in Europe doesn't think the same. No one anywhere things the same. Where did I say that Europeans have no plans for the future. I simply said they spend more time doing what they want at a younger age instead of retiring with a certain amount of money.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Merliona
Okay. This may sound crazy. I have a hard time making friends here in Miami. Most of the people I know are through my job and are very clique oriented, so that makes it even harder.
Again from you opening statement you seem to be generalizing about people from Miami.
I rather have quality over quantity when it comes to friends. I have lots and lots of acquaintances. However, I have a few really good friends. Some people think that having lots of friends and hanging out with lots of people is cool. Well, it is if it's with the right people like you mentioned. I don't want to hang out with someone or a group of people that are shallow or spend most of their time gossiping and lack the ability to have intellectual conversations.
Like I told someone once, "It is lonely at the top, I rather have a few good true friends, than alot of bad company". Quality of company rather than quantity.
I think most people would agree with you. The problem is that you are assuming that these people who are "gossiping and lack the ability to have intellectual conversations" don't have true friends.
Again the people here who don't have friends seem to be putting themselves on some intellectual pedestal. I'm college educated and currently pursing graduate level studies and can definitely carry on an intellectual conversation. However, I really don't enjoy spending my life sitting around and having them and therefore like to spend my time out with people enjoying life with other outgoing people. After I blow you off you'll probably say you didn't even want to be my friend anyway because I'm superficial and not intellectual. That's fine with me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Merliona Okay. This may sound crazy. I have a hard time making friends here in Miami. Most of the people I know are through my job and are very clique oriented, so that makes it even harder.
Again from you opening statement you seem to be generalizing about people from Miami.
I purposely wrote "most", so that I don't generalize. "Most" is not all.
When you say "people in Europe" blah, blah it gets across as 'people, in general'...as in all not 'most.'
I would reply point by point, but some of the sentences you write are hard to comprehend, as in when you write 'your' for 'you are' or 'their' for 'there' or 'there are.' I need to read again to make sense of it and I need to go to work now. Maybe later.
I think most people would agree with you. The problem is that you are assuming that these people who are "gossiping and lack the ability to have intellectual conversations" don't have true friends.
Again the people here who don't have friends seem to be putting themselves on some intellectual pedestal. I'm college educated and currently pursing graduate level studies and can definitely carry on an intellectual conversation. However, I really don't enjoy spending my life sitting around and having them and therefore like to spend my time out with people enjoying life with other outgoing people. After I blow you off you'll probably say you didn't even want to be my friend anyway because I'm superficial and not intellectual. That's fine with me.
Have fun being "lonely at the top".
I think you are over exaggerating about intellectual conversations as oppose to having fun. I actually enjoy both. See, I actually enjoy having fun and do so with both acquaintances and friends. However, some of those acquaintances are just that, for one reason or another. Maybe we just have "having fun" in common. Or maybe I have certain hobbies or activities in common with other acquaintances. My point is that I rather be alone if need be than with poor company. Some people are so insecure that they have to constantly hang out with so called friends to validate their worth. I am very comfortable with myself and with the company I choose to spend my time with.
In fact, even though I have many acquaintances and some really good friends, if I want to do something such as a night out or even get away for the weekend and others are not available, I have no problem doing so by myself if I want to. In fact, sometimes I actually enjoy spending time by myself. Just like other times I enjoy spending times with friends and acquaintances. Bottom line, I am at peace with myself and my decisions, fortunately I have a good group of trustworthy and reliable friends that I can count on and they can count on me when necessary.
I purposely wrote "most", so that I don't generalize. "Most" is not all.
When you say "people in Europe" blah, blah it gets across as 'people, in general'...as in all not 'most.
I missed the part where I specifically said ALL. And no, when people say "Americans are like this" or "Americans like that" they don't mean ALL. Unless you making a statement like ALL people have 2 arms it's pretty much assumed that you are talking about MOST people and not all.
How would anybody be able to say ALL Americans, Europeans or any culture for that matter do anything. There is nothing is this world that all people do the same. Have some common sense
The problem is that you are assuming that these people who are "gossiping and lack the ability to have intellectual conversations" don't have true friends.
".
That is usually the case but it depends what the word "friend" means to you If you don't mind backstabbing(which gossipers always do) or rather ignore it because you need people to hang out, then that's fine, but not everybody likes to be around those type of people, and being the intellectual person you are, you probably know that everybody is entitled to their own opinions and preferences. No need to call the OP names or make a total evaluation of her mental health based on a few posts in a public forum.
Sounds like the OP is in the wrong environment, it happens sometimes, especially to women who are more cliquish.
I missed the part where I specifically said ALL. And no, when people say "Americans are like this" or "Americans like that" they don't mean ALL. Unless you making a statement like ALL people have 2 arms it's pretty much assumed that you are talking about MOST people and not all.
How would anybody be able to say ALL Americans, Europeans or any culture for that matter do anything. There is nothing is this world that all people do the same. Have some common sense
Alright! I'm gonna let it go. Is not worth it going back and forth with you. It's too hot outside for this!
That is usually the case but it depends what the word "friend" means to you If you don't mind backstabbing(which gossipers always do) or rather ignore it because you need people to hang out, then that's fine
Everyone gossips to some extent. I actually have found that people that complain about gossiping the most are the people who also gossip the most. But somehow its just different when they do it. I wouldn't doubt it if I bumped into Merliona and we somehow become friends she would probably at some point tell me how cliquish these other girls are and how they only care about boys, partying, etc. But of course that wouldn't be gossiping
Quote:
Originally Posted by ♥♥PRINC3Ss♥♥
but not everybody likes to be around those type of people, and being the intellectual person you are, you probably know that everybody is entitled to their own opinions and preferences.
Again you make it seem like we have this black and white world where some people are nice and some people are evil, when that just isn't the case. Someone who is nice to you may be a gossiping backstabber to me and vice versa. That's just the hypocritical nature of humans. So again my point is that those cliquish backstabbing girls who don't like Merliona may be great friends to people in their clique.
You could have a group of middle aged married women who are all great friends to each other and generally nice people. But let another woman who is very attractive and maybe had a checkered background move into the neighborhood and then all of a sudden these women turn into the backstabbing gossiping people you are referring to.
Or like how you're chastising me when you think I'm criticizing Merliona and yet at the same time you making sarcastic remarks about me in a passively aggressive manner with comments like this: "and being the intellectual person you are" . But I'm clearly a jerk so I'm sure you feel justified, so its "different" when you do it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ♥♥PRINC3Ss♥♥
No need to call the OP names or make a total evaluation of her mental health based on a few posts in a public forum.
I didn't call her names or evaluate her mental health. I simply repeated what she wrote to make a point. You have two experiences in this thread of college students making friends. Burglar09's and Merliona's. So you have Merliona who is admittedly not a "social butterfly", has little in common with her classmates, and is admittedly feeling depressed and thinking about seeking counseling.
Looking back I think you may be right and my response to her has bit harsh. She actually has already said she doesn't blame Miami so I really wasn't arguing with her. My point was more to other people to show that she is clearly having some troubles within herself. I was trying to contrast that against Burglar09 who made friends easily. Making the point that it clearly isn't Miami. It may have been in poor taste so to Merliona I apologize.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ♥♥PRINC3Ss♥♥
Sounds like the OP is in the wrong environment, it happens sometimes, especially to women who are more cliquish.
I could make friends with my fellow students who like to party on a weekly basis, and yet have no interest in research and intellectual things. I don't think I want to spend my time at work gossiping just to be friends with them. This is not the kind of people I want to call or keep in touch after I graduate.
Not to beat the horse to death but how intellectual do you want someone to be. I'm mean if they are in a graduate level class with you I would think that you're classmates can at least hold an intellectual conversation. And what's wrong with partying on a weekly basis? I didn't know that partying and intellectual conversations were mutually exclusive options.
I'd suggest to go meetup.com and search for groups that shares your same interests - Music, sports, arts; etc.
Good luck and welcome to Miami!
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