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Old 10-27-2009, 12:43 PM
322 322 started this thread
 
18 posts, read 30,120 times
Reputation: 27

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Honestly Sodermalm,
I thought you were just being sarcastic with me, man I feel bad. You really don’t get it do you.


The first post in this series was a joke, for humor not to be taken literally. Boy Scouts really didn’t go and put street signs all over the place, the traffic lights do not represent vegetables. The post was for fun not lateral, please someone tell him that it was just for humor.


Moderator cut: Personal Attacks Not Allowed
I’m not having a debate with you; I guess you thought we were..
I am truly responding to what I thought was your failed attempt at a troll argument and now I just feel bad. Please do you’re a favor and re read the post. This may answer some questions you have. Also make note and actually read it. With that not I guess there is nothing more we can do for you. Sorry if you thought I was being rude I truly thought you were flaming me, had I known you just didn’t “get it” I wouldn’t have been so rash. No need to respond im outta here for a day or two.

Late
322

Last edited by doggiebus; 10-27-2009 at 03:07 PM..
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Old 10-27-2009, 03:08 PM
 
Location: Miami
6,853 posts, read 22,093,700 times
Reputation: 2954
OP this was funny, nice change of pace.
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Old 10-27-2009, 06:09 PM
 
691 posts, read 2,297,769 times
Reputation: 778
Additions:

Make sure that you drive the posted speed limit or higher at all times, espeically when here is an interchange of 4 freeways, and cars on the right need to go 4 lanes to the left and cars on the left need to go 4 lanes to the right. Who designed these messed up freeways anyway? I almost got killed every day.

Parking is considered a free for all, it is an excellent idea to drive a junker car to work, because then you can crash the cars in front and behind you when you parallel park.

The left lane is considered the "autobahn" which means that anyone who has an expensive car feels entitled to drive as fast as they want, regardless of the fact that it is US 1, and people actually need to turn left, and drive in the left lane.

Weaving, and changing lanes as fast as you can will allow you to win the game. Try to see how many lanes you can change from one block to the next, so that you can be one car length ahead of everyone else, and get to the next red light faster.
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Old 10-27-2009, 09:42 PM
 
3,911 posts, read 9,273,322 times
Reputation: 1954
The Miami Driver's Manuel: (read up tourists!)

1. Drive proactively, not passively- Treat driving here like a game of ******* from the 80's. It takes skills such as constantly speeding up, slowing down, braking, and switching lanes to get ahead of the next car. If you successfully pass more cars than the other drivers, you win!

2. Do not use turn signals- They are merely an ornament that comes with your car. If you use turn signals before switching lanes, the next car will speed up to get ahead of you. In fact, sometimes you will create a line of 15 cars all passing you because you used your turn signal. You will soon find yourself all the way in the back of the line of others trying to get ahead. Also, turn signals are a sign of weakness. You won't be "cool" and the others will know that you are a tourist.

3. The left lane is not for passing-only- In Miami, you can (and MUST) use all lanes available to pass if you want to get ahead. In fact, it is often preferable to pass someone in the right lane and acceptable to drive below the speed limit in the far left lane.

4. If you see an emergency vehicle such as an ambulance with its sirens on, pass it to get out of its way. If you slow down, you will have to wait for it which will result in lost time.

5. How to switch lanes- Do so by jerking your steering wheel violently to the left or right. This way you switch lanes much quicker before the car to your left has a chance to change lanes into you causing a collision. For maximum efficiency, make sure the tail of your car is inches from the bumper of the car behind you, and that the hood of your car is inches from the car in front of you. That way you don't waste lane space.

6. DO NOT LOOK BEFORE CHANGING LANES- I say this emphatically, because you will waste lots of time and efficiency looking, and you might delay the car behind you. Don't worry, because the car next to you will be doing 90 in a 55 zone. And if they are going slow and you nudge your way in, they will slow down to let you in.

7. The car in front of you is driving slow- Flash your brights at them and they'll gladly move over a lane to let you pass them.

8. Driving in the Rain- Turn your 4-way emergency blinkers on in case others don't realize it is raining outside. Do not turn them off until it gets sunny outside.

9. When parking, park diagonal so that you take up two spaces. This shows others that you have strength, importance, power, and prestige.

10. Go out and buy an expensive import car. If you cannot afford to buy one, lease one. If you do not have the money available in your bank account, use credit. If you have no credit, borrow from a friend. If you have no friends, rob a bank. Use any means possible to obtain an expensive import car. This will give you more prestige on the roadways and people will respect you.
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Old 10-27-2009, 10:14 PM
 
Location: Dallas
4,621 posts, read 10,260,462 times
Reputation: 3896
I got a few:

When blowing a red light, do it at as high a speed as possible. That will create the maximum dramatic effect on onlookers who will be impressed with your skilset.

If you are a pedestrian and are almost mowed down by a limo driver who blows the light at high speed, make sure you have an escape route before you flip off the driver. That way when the occupants of the vehicle who become indignant with your gestures displayed as a sign of discontent with having just been almost mowed down turn out to be heavily armed gold chain laden big time dope dealers from Liberty City who stop the car to get out and pursue, assurances that a nearby city bus, taxi, or other escape strategy will heighten your chances of surviving the encounter.

If you notice the traffic light at major intersections such as 5th and Collins have malfunctioned and indicate green in all direction, do not alert authorities. Rather instead, stand around on the corner with everybody else saying Oooh and Ahhh at all the near high speed wrecks and hope to see a real good one so you can go tell your friends all about it later.


Finally, if you are on a motorcycle, do challenge all zoom cars to high speed races down any of the major highways. Most people in Miami welcome this kind of excitement, especially 100+ MPH races through heavy traffic on 836.
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Old 10-28-2009, 09:54 AM
322 322 started this thread
 
18 posts, read 30,120 times
Reputation: 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bostonian08 View Post
I got a few:

If you are a pedestrian and are almost mowed down by a limo driver who blows the light at high speed, make sure you have an escape route before you flip off the driver. That way when the occupants of the vehicle who become indignant with your gestures displayed as a sign of discontent with having just been almost mowed down turn out to be heavily armed gold chain laden big time dope dealers from Liberty City who stop the car to get out and pursue, assurances that a nearby city bus, taxi, or other escape strategy will heighten your chances of surviving the encounter.
WTF...HAHAHA omg thats crazy. Something similar happend to me but not in Miami. It was in DC, A black tinted Lincoln town / limo cars that drive to CIA & NSA offices, if you have been in DC you have seen them. I kicked the back of the car when he was driving on the sidewalk in Georgetown, DC near the 4 seasons as he almost hit me. This 8 foot guy got out and chased me around Georgetown. I was told he was a special type of security.He told me he would leave me alone after letting me know if I did that again he would punch me in the throat! hahahahaha..lol

These are all good points! Funny stuff!

Last edited by 322; 10-28-2009 at 10:14 AM..
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Old 10-28-2009, 11:05 AM
 
2,930 posts, read 6,940,496 times
Reputation: 1383
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nolefan34 View Post
The Miami Driver's Manuel: (read up tourists!)
2. Do not use turn signals- They are merely an ornament that comes with your car. If you use turn signals before switching lanes, the next car will speed up to get ahead of you. In fact, sometimes you will create a line of 15 cars all passing you because you used your turn signal. You will soon find yourself all the way in the back of the line of others trying to get ahead. Also, turn signals are a sign of weakness. You won't be "cool" and the others will know that you are a tourist.

3. The left lane is not for passing-only- In Miami, you can (and MUST) use all lanes available to pass if you want to get ahead. In fact, it is often preferable to pass someone in the right lane and acceptable to drive below the speed limit in the far left lane.

5. How to switch lanes- Do so by jerking your steering wheel violently to the left or right. This way you switch lanes much quicker before the car to your left has a chance to change lanes into you causing a collision. For maximum efficiency, make sure the tail of your car is inches from the bumper of the car behind you, and that the hood of your car is inches from the car in front of you. That way you don't waste lane space.

7. The car in front of you is driving slow- Flash your brights at them and they'll gladly move over a lane to let you pass them.

8. Driving in the Rain- Turn your 4-way emergency blinkers on in case others don't realize it is raining outside. Do not turn them off until it gets sunny outside.
Excellent "Manuel". My favorite has to be #2 and I'm guilty of doing all the ones I quoted when there is heavy traffic in order to survive.
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Old 10-29-2009, 11:51 AM
 
317 posts, read 805,552 times
Reputation: 92
I can relate. I remember taking my driver's test and we did it in pairs at the DMV so I had to sit in the car with the instructor as the other person did their test. This person clearly could not drive they would be a liability on the street and the instructor passed them . Here I am with my 1 year of drivers ed that I took in high school along with my parents paying a few hundred bucks for a private driving instructor and I am at the same level essentially when it comes to getting my license and driving on the streets of Miami. It was insane, multiply that by a few hundred thousand bad drivers that are allowed to get a license and you have the reason why we have so many accidents in Miami.
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Old 10-29-2009, 01:01 PM
 
Location: Dallas
4,621 posts, read 10,260,462 times
Reputation: 3896
Quote:
Originally Posted by traveler36 View Post
... This person clearly could not drive they would be a liability on the street and the instructor passed them .
At least that person got a license! I dunno how it is still, but when I lived in MIA it was estimated that about 25% of people on the road in MIA had no license at all. Insurance was not required back then, so nobody had that.

I won't mention anybody I know who was one of those unlicensed unregistered drivers ...
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Old 10-29-2009, 08:01 PM
 
Location: Miami/ Washington DC
4,836 posts, read 11,769,671 times
Reputation: 2583
Yes Miami has bad drivers no new news there. But so does NYC, DC, Chicago and LA.
Europe, Asia and South America are much worse than any city in the US including Miami.
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