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Old 05-11-2011, 10:05 AM
 
Location: Grand Rapids, Michigan
2,201 posts, read 3,736,423 times
Reputation: 2275

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We are both in our mid twenties and getting married in a couple of months. I am white from Holland, a country boy if you want to call it, she is black from Grand Rapids, a city girl. Here is our predicament I want to stay in Holland, and she wants to stay in GR. The other night she told me that, "I'm afraid that if somthing does happen in Hollland when it does come with the whole race thing and I get to the point where I dont feel wanted what then. I just want to have us both think about this first before we both regret it."
We have been to Holland and the surrounding area, even with her young niece and nephew and never got treated any different than any one else, and never had any problems.
I know there are idiots everywhere but I think for the most part we haven't had any trouble with this in either Holland, or Grand Rapids.
Any one have any experiences either way or something I could tell to convince her otherwise
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Old 05-11-2011, 03:26 PM
 
Location: (Orginally From Ann Arbor, MI) Now reside in Evans, Georgia
558 posts, read 995,658 times
Reputation: 310
If you want to look for issues..you will find them. However sounds to me she has more of an issue then those around them would in "most" of Michigan and America.

fear does crazy things to your mind....Live a little ...live more..fear less. you'd be surprised how less frightening the unknown can be.


Her skin color pigment should have nothing to do with life successes..tell her get over it. Shes only limiting herself by doing so.

Before you get married get the issues of your perceived difference's resolved they dont magically go away best to resolve them now. I think she is trying to pull the woe is me card too much to suit her own agenda personally, but that me as an onlooker guessing.

I come from the oddest racial make up. So does my multiracial husband and my family doesnt see difference , nor has any of my neighbors except once...and it was against me in Detroit because I appeared to be "white" when if fact I'm a mutt. Yay for ignorance!
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Old 05-11-2011, 03:30 PM
 
Location: SE Michigan
6,191 posts, read 15,846,584 times
Reputation: 10268
I'm not really familiar with either GR or Holland....but I do have a very good friend in an inter-racial marriage, they live in a conservative mostly-white town in SE Michigan (Grand Blanc) and their kids, now in their teens, have had no problems going through the GB school system. We've talked about the implications of being in a "mixed" race marriage with kids and neither my friend, her husband or their kids will tell you that they have encountered any problems because of it. Their two children are smart, popular and do well in school.

Now....as you say, there are idiots everywhere and this family, collectively, is in my opinion quite thick-skinned and feisty! So it's possible they just blow off subtle racism. In the 8 years I've known them though, they've never told me about any bothersome race-related incidents.

That said, I don't know anything about your situations (jobs, education, family, etc) but would it be possible to compromise and look for another city to start your lives together in?
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Old 05-11-2011, 06:26 PM
 
356 posts, read 933,535 times
Reputation: 201
Both of you have to be happy. If she is uncomfortable and afraid of discrimination in Holland, then do what you have to do to make her happy.
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Old 05-11-2011, 08:42 PM
 
Location: Grand Rapids, Michigan
2,201 posts, read 3,736,423 times
Reputation: 2275
Quote:
Originally Posted by klmquiroz View Post
If you want to look for issues..you will find them. However sounds to me she has more of an issue then those around them would in "most" of Michigan and America.

fear does crazy things to your mind....Live a little ...live more..fear less. you'd be surprised how less frightening the unknown can be.


Her skin color pigment should have nothing to do with life successes..tell her get over it. Shes only limiting herself by doing so.

Before you get married get the issues of your perceived difference's resolved they dont magically go away best to resolve them now. I think she is trying to pull the woe is me card too much to suit her own agenda personally, but that me as an onlooker guessing.

I come from the oddest racial make up. So does my multiracial husband and my family doesnt see difference , nor has any of my neighbors except once...and it was against me in Detroit because I appeared to be "white" when if fact I'm a mutt. Yay for ignorance!

I think that's what it almost boils down to, fear. I think she's been hearing other peoples fears and jumbling them up with her own pre wedding jitters.
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Old 05-12-2011, 05:24 AM
 
1,648 posts, read 2,742,410 times
Reputation: 1438
Why are you afraid to live in GR?
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Old 05-12-2011, 12:10 PM
 
447 posts, read 1,122,298 times
Reputation: 226
Racism exists everywhere. As a Holland resident, I really don't think there's much of a stigma for interracial couples any more. Come on over and hang around the downtown for a few evenings and let us know of your experiences.
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Old 05-12-2011, 02:11 PM
 
Location: Cumming, Georgia
808 posts, read 2,970,308 times
Reputation: 334
When we lived in Holland before moving to Ada in 1999, we lived 2 doors down from a mixed race couple with 5 kids. They were great neighbors and we never had any issues with them. We are still in tocuh with them.

If it were up to me, I would suggest living in GR over Holland. Why don't you check out Easttown or the Alger Heights area of GR? Rent for a while and see how it is.

Now I'm living outside of Atlanta on the north side, obviously, I see more mixed race couples down here.

Congratulations on your upcoming marriage!
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Old 05-13-2011, 10:23 PM
 
Location: Dancing MI
27 posts, read 39,979 times
Reputation: 44
I know Holland and Grand Rapids are pretty racial and religious prejudice, but they are way better than the Flint area and Metro Detroit!!! I remember being on the south side of Flint and the whites on Atherton pointing and commenting on my wife and I being an interacial couple!! Flint is backward but way better than Detroit!! Everyone I talk to who is in an interacial relationship who has been to Detroit says that people stare like they have not ever seen it before. Detroit is years behind the rest of the state. Another reason out of millions to stay away from Detroit!!! Lansing is by far the best city for mixed relationships! I challenge you to come to Lansing and find any opposition to your marraige. There are so many mixed couples and mixed race people in Lansing it is not an issue. Kalamazoo is also pretty cool.

Last edited by KingDoughnut; 05-13-2011 at 10:31 PM..
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Old 05-15-2011, 04:56 PM
 
Location: In my house
541 posts, read 888,962 times
Reputation: 302
Quote:
Originally Posted by topher5150 View Post
We are both in our mid twenties and getting married in a couple of months. I am white from Holland, a country boy if you want to call it, she is black from Grand Rapids, a city girl. Here is our predicament I want to stay in Holland, and she wants to stay in GR. The other night she told me that, "I'm afraid that if somthing does happen in Hollland when it does come with the whole race thing and I get to the point where I dont feel wanted what then. I just want to have us both think about this first before we both regret it."
We have been to Holland and the surrounding area, even with her young niece and nephew and never got treated any different than any one else, and never had any problems.
I know there are idiots everywhere but I think for the most part we haven't had any trouble with this in either Holland, or Grand Rapids.
Any one have any experiences either way or something I could tell to convince her otherwise
where to live,my first thought maybe a house,condo,apartment,etc.,second,why care what other people think bub,they don't pay your bills,cook your dinner,or get you a pint,tell'em to get to the 21st century
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