[martinman]

Hi Everyone,

I have a very difficult decision ahead of me that I hope you can help me with. That is, to relocate out of Michigan. I work for the healthier of the "Detroit 3", and all things considered have a pretty secure position in the company. Technically, I'm not looking for a job, but of course, I never turn down a conversation. I love what I do, and I generally like the people I work with. Anyway, this 'conversation' turned into a job offer with an aerospace / defense contractor in Southern NJ (just outside of Philly). It was quite the whirlwind over the past few months dealing with them. The offer is outstanding $15k to go back to school, 25% increase in salary, relocation benefits, signing bonus, etc. The only issue is that they won't buy our house (they'll cover realestate comissions, etc.). We're not in that bad of a situation housing wise - we bought in 1999 and made a few changes. Of course, we'd be out our equity ($50k, plus maybe another $5-$10 out of pocket just to get out of our house). Renting just isn't an option. All things considered, it's a great offer. However, I haven't been able to get over the whole living outside of Michigan thing...

I've been here for 30 year of my life. Grew up here, parents here.. Heck, my whole family is here. My wife and are just starting a family (one daugher with hopefully more coming) -- I want my kids to know her family, grandparents, great grandparents, cousins, etc. Sure, NJ is not that far away, and they'd come visit, but it's just not the same. I seem have this nagging guilt that if we move away that my kids will be loosing something not being close to their family. I'm hoping to hear from other people who have gone through something similar. Really the most important thing for me at this point, is the health and safety of my family. It's nice to have options too for them grown up (not sure where michigan will be in 5-10 years). Lots of changes ahead. Leaving friends and family was never in the plan, ya know??

However, with that said, my wife and I agree that a change would be good, and while nothing is perfect, the situation that I'm presented with is darn near close (although, NJ isn't our first choice). I love Michigan (well, for 9 months out of the year anyway... I have a love / hate relationship with the other 3). The people are great. Everything is close. Wife and I are avid outdoors people - lots of summer activities. We have family on the west side of the state. We do have family in PA (about an hour drive), so we wouldn't be totally isolated, but still. I never went away for school, so I haven't been able to develop this sence of independence that most people have... Probably a big part of it too is fear of the unknown. I'm comfortable here. Will our house sell? Will the auto-industry recover? Would it be ok to stay and just ride out the storm? Ok, enough rambling.

Any suggestions / comments are more than welcome!

[Peter B]

Interesting dilemma. A couple of points here. A 25% increase in salary sounds great but when you start factoring in other issues, it will not seen quite as attractive. The cost of living and taxes are a bit more in S. Jersey near Philly I'd guess. Also, if you're use to being close to the family, that will be magnified around holidays, birthdays, & other family events. We've been through that as we transferred to Traverse City from Long Island 5 years ago. I miss the family and you guys will too. It's just the way it is. Moving back to NY would not make sense financially at the moment so we're digging in our heels. Heck, some of our family are actually visiting this summer. If you think the new job is more beneficial to your career over the long haul then it may be something to consider. If you're in SE Michigan, it's only a 9-10 drive anyway which is not bad. If you DON'T go, you may end up kicking yourself down the line. I'd highly recommend taking the family there for a few days or a week and see what you guys think. Do LOT'S of research obviously. Try to get a feel for the area by perusing the Philly portion of this board. In the end, it'll come down to what your wife & yourself deem most important. Keep in mind that the pace of life over there is more agressive than Michigan. People on the other side of the Apps are more animated and wear their hearts on their sleeves. That would take getting used to as well. Best of luck with everything

[jsejcm]

Figuring out the cost of living is a good starter, like the above poster said it could be higher over there, which would make the pay increase a wash. We nearly moved out of state 7 yrs ago and the only thing that kept us here was a matching offer from DH's company. Seven years later his company is out of business, but we are glad we stayed. We are very close to our family also and can't imagine being too far away. His new job is 87 miles away and we are looking to move about an hour from where we are now, and that seems like alot. We're pretty used to having a babysitter at beck and call, which will change. That is also something to think about. I'm not sure how much your parents watch your child now but if it's a couple times a month, that will be a big change, not being able to go out whenever you want.

[Kracer]

"Wife and I are avid outdoors people - lots of summer activities."

Tons of outdoor activities!
SJersey has tons of wild areas, state wildlife management areas, lakes, super wildfowl hunting, world class surf and deep sea fishing. Diver ducks, puddle duck, geese/Canada/Snow and brandt. Woodcock migration in the fall is neat as well as all the other species of birds that hold up on the tip on NJ to await favorable winds to cross Delaware Bay. Shad, musky and walleye in the Delaware river.
Archery limit is a doe a day.
Batsto, Bass, Wading and Oswego rivers are the most popular canoeing destinations down south but there are many more intimate streams and rivers to enjoy, all in a wildness setting. Pickerel and large mouth bass are prevalent. Pickerel are widespread and thrive in almost all the tea colored south J waters. Vast offroad trails/ areas to explore in a 4wd. Major blueberry and cranberry production, so that should help your homesickness.
Just had a wild pig hunt 'down there'. Who knew?
Easy to get around in Nj. Spitting distance from other outdoor oriented states up and down the coast. Trophy trout waters in Round Valley resevoir in Lebanon, NJ, miles of wild federally owned along the northeast edge of north J along the Delaware river. Black bear population explosion, fishers, porkys, bobcat, mink, eagles, osprey.

If you mean by 'avid outdoors', tennis and golf, just ignore my post.

Worked with an avid outdoorsman who relocated from MI. His big complaint was that you were limited to 9.9 horsepower on the big resevoirs. His wife got homesick so they moved back.

[Cliffie]

Man, this IS a tough one. But what a nice problem to have, in an era when so many people are between the devil and the deep blue sea!

My question is, where do you see yourself in 10 years depending on whether you are in NJ or MI? That may be the strongest deciding factor.

[St Starseed]

While my situation isn't exactly the same as yours, perhaps I can provide a pearl of wisdom (or perhaps a marble, but a circular rock of wisdom, in any case).

Growing up and going to college in Michigan, I knew I wanted out ASAP. I've since lived in four other states (in the last 7 years), and I can assure you that what you may lose in terms of comfort/proximity to family/simplicity of life is the chance to experience a different way of living and obtain different ways of thinking. The personal growth I've experienced since 2002 has been far beyond what I would have ever dreamed, and I owe that to leaving my comfort zone.

I don't have kids (yet), but I think a nice benefit for yours of living in NJ is that they'll be able to experience life in two different worlds (the Michigan life, when you visit "home"...and the East Coast life, for everything else)...I think this will make them more well-rounded as they grow up and give them a healthy sense of independence and a better perspective on the world. Instead of losing something by being away from their family, they may very well gain a great deal of wisdom.

Aside from the health of the mind and this other philosophical rambling, I can testify to how enjoyable family visits are when they're few and far between. They're something to look forward to...something to get excited about...as opposed to yet another stoic Christmas Eve with the cousins.

I can also testify to the beauty of New Jersey. It gets a terrible rep, but I think it's one of the country's most beautiful states...away from the "bad parts," of course (kinda like how Michigan's beautiful if you leave the metro Detroit area).

Ultimately, you have to do what your heart decides, and not be swayed by what people (including me, of course) on these boards say. This is a decision only you can make. Good luck!

[martinman]

Well, my goal has always been to leave the automotive industry. I just can't see myself retiring (surviving) for another 20 years.

I *do* need a change, but I'm not sure if moving the fam. outside of Michigan would be overkill...

Great thread responses everyone. This helps tremendously!

[martinman]

Originally Posted by St Starseed

While my situation isn't exactly the same as yours, perhaps I can provide a pearl of wisdom (or perhaps a marble, but a circular rock of wisdom, in any case).

Growing up and going to college in Michigan, I knew I wanted out ASAP. I've since lived in four other states (in the last 7 years), and I can assure you that what you may lose in terms of comfort/proximity to family/simplicity of life is the chance to experience a different way of living and obtain different ways of thinking. The personal growth I've experienced since 2002 has been far beyond what I would have ever dreamed, and I owe that to leaving my comfort zone.

I don't have kids (yet), but I think a nice benefit for yours of living in NJ is that they'll be able to experience life in two different worlds (the Michigan life, when you visit "home"...and the East Coast life, for everything else)...I think this will make them more well-rounded as they grow up and give them a healthy sense of independence and a better perspective on the world. Instead of losing something by being away from their family, they may very well gain a great deal of wisdom.

Aside from the health of the mind and this other philosophical rambling, I can testify to how enjoyable family visits are when they're few and far between. They're something to look forward to...something to get excited about...as opposed to yet another stoic Christmas Eve with the cousins.

Very good post! This helps a great deal! Great perspective!

[Rapunzll]

St Starseed said:
Aside from the health of the mind and this other philosophical rambling, I can testify to how enjoyable family visits are when they're few and far between. They're something to look forward to...something to get excited about...as opposed to yet another stoic Christmas Eve with the cousins.

Let me tell you the downside to this.............. You will also feel like you are spending all your vacations going home to Michigan. Been there, done that. If you love to travel, as I do, that gets to be not so great really soon. Just something to think about.

[Sharks With Lasers]

Originally Posted by martinman

Hi Everyone,

I have a very difficult decision ahead of me that I hope you can help me with. That is, to relocate out of Michigan. I work for the healthier of the "Detroit 3", and all things considered have a pretty secure position in the company. Technically, I'm not looking for a job, but of course, I never turn down a conversation. I love what I do, and I generally like the people I work with. Anyway, this 'conversation' turned into a job offer with an aerospace / defense contractor in Southern NJ (just outside of Philly). It was quite the whirlwind over the past few months dealing with them. The offer is outstanding $15k to go back to school, 25% increase in salary, relocation benefits, signing bonus, etc. The only issue is that they won't buy our house (they'll cover realestate comissions, etc.). We're not in that bad of a situation housing wise - we bought in 1999 and made a few changes. Of course, we'd be out our equity ($50k, plus maybe another $5-$10 out of pocket just to get out of our house). Renting just isn't an option. All things considered, it's a great offer. However, I haven't been able to get over the whole living outside of Michigan thing...

I've been here for 30 year of my life. Grew up here, parents here.. Heck, my whole family is here. My wife and are just starting a family (one daugher with hopefully more coming) -- I want my kids to know her family, grandparents, great grandparents, cousins, etc. Sure, NJ is not that far away, and they'd come visit, but it's just not the same. I seem have this nagging guilt that if we move away that my kids will be loosing something not being close to their family. I'm hoping to hear from other people who have gone through something similar. Really the most important thing for me at this point, is the health and safety of my family. It's nice to have options too for them grown up (not sure where michigan will be in 5-10 years). Lots of changes ahead. Leaving friends and family was never in the plan, ya know??

However, with that said, my wife and I agree that a change would be good, and while nothing is perfect, the situation that I'm presented with is darn near close (although, NJ isn't our first choice). I love Michigan (well, for 9 months out of the year anyway... I have a love / hate relationship with the other 3). The people are great. Everything is close. Wife and I are avid outdoors people - lots of summer activities. We have family on the west side of the state. We do have family in PA (about an hour drive), so we wouldn't be totally isolated, but still. I never went away for school, so I haven't been able to develop this sence of independence that most people have... Probably a big part of it too is fear of the unknown. I'm comfortable here. Will our house sell? Will the auto-industry recover? Would it be ok to stay and just ride out the storm? Ok, enough rambling.

Any suggestions / comments are more than welcome!

To me, it seems like 1) you believe (or at least have convinced yourself) that the most logical option is to move to NJ, and 2) you don't really want to go.

I'd definitely talk this over with others, and try to remove the what ifs out of the equation (like the economic situation in Michigan or what it would be like to see family if you moved to NJ) and instead focus on what the definite advantages and disadvantages of moving or staying are. Obviously it's good to be realistic about the what ifs (for example, if losing your job in MI is likely you might be apt to take that into account,) but you never know what would happen in either situation. By the way, from what I understand, the climate in NJ is a little warmer and sunnier but not considerably different than MI, and both places should have lots of outdoor activities.

That's just my input, though. I don't have a spouse/kids or anything so I might think differently.