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JMHO, but it sounds like he married you for the extra money. His command cannot force him to give you anything money-wise, without a court order.
I second the suggestion for counseling from Military OneSource. If he wont go with you, go alone.
I agree with you on the marrying her for the extra money, but his command can order him to counseling. Also his CO can order his to counseling especially if they think "his head is not on right".
Military One Source is a good place to go. If he doesnt go with you at least go with yourself. Find a way to get a job and buy yourself another car. Any money you get, put it in a private acct and get on your feet.
As spouses we really are not entitled to anything especially in this situation.
I agree with you on the marrying her for the extra money, but his command can order him to counseling. Also his CO can order his to counseling especially if they think "his head is not on right".
His command can order a mental health evaluation for perceived problems. It can't send him to "counseling" in general, and it certainly can't order him to marriage counseling.
My source? Roughly 2 years as a company commander. This kind of order would last about 10 seconds until he got on the phone to the IG or JAG. Believe it or not, he didn't give up all his rights when he enlisted.
You might start by going to the Military OneSource. Education, relocation, parenting, stress - you name it - Military OneSource is here to help you with just about any need. Available by phone or online, our free service is provided by the Department of Defense for active-duty, Guard, and Reserve service members and their families. The service is completely private and confidential, with few exceptions. Military OneSource
You might look at the Strong Bonds web site. It offers single Soldiers, couples and families relationship building skills to thrive within the military lifestyle. The Strong Bonds couple weekend retreat is offered by Army chaplains and is designed to strengthen relationships, inspire hope and rekindle marriages. Strong Bonds is open to active duty Army, Army National Guard, Army Reserve and Air National Guard families. To locate a retreat near you, go to www.strongbonds.org.
You can also contact the Army chaplains office and see what advice you can gain.
It appears the you have a marriage problem, not an Army problem, but there is a lot of help available to both of you, if you want it. It will take some work on you and your husbands part.
I served in the Army for 22+ continuous years. My wife and I went through a lot of good times and bad times. We know many people who have gone through a variety of marriage issues. My wife and I have been married 42 years...
Good luck to you.
Rich
thank you lot's Rich you gave alot of helpful information ...I will get into it...thnx again
Holy moly, where to begin. Don't keep compounding your mistakes. Take a beat and get your s**t together. You are already so far astray.
Can you and your baby go back to your parents or another family member? If so, do it. Divorce the loser you are married to and get yourself to a place where you have some self respect. This has nothing to do with the Army.
I beg you, do not go getting pregnant again.
Please contact your husband's FRG unit.You can get the number from the base directory or website. They are there to help you and to give you guidance especially if you have an emergency. I disagree with the above post "that the commander can't make him give you anything money wise". The BAH is there to support your family and if he is not supporting his family, the First Sergent will not take kindly to that at all. I would advise talking to your husband AGAIN. See if you get any results. Then you should talk to the FRG (Family Readiness Group). Call his First Sergent as a last option.
Please contact your husband's FRG unit.You can get the number from the base directory or website. They are there to help you and to give you guidance especially if you have an emergency. I disagree with the above post "that the commander can't make him give you anything money wise". The BAH is there to support your family and if he is not supporting his family, the First Sergent will not take kindly to that at all. I would advise talking to your husband AGAIN. See if you get any results. Then you should talk to the FRG (Family Readiness Group). Call his First Sergent as a last option.
What the heck to you suggest the FRG do? I volunteer for my husband's FRG and there really is nothing they can do other than suggest resources (such as Military OneSource etc). Also, my husband works in Finance and Soldiers cannot be forced to pay anything other than BAH differential without a court order. He command can tell him he has to pay more, but Finance will NOT enforce anything without a court order!
I disagree with the above post "that the commander can't make him give you anything money wise". The BAH is there to support your family and if he is not supporting his family, the First Sergent will not take kindly to that at all. I would advise talking to your husband AGAIN. See if you get any results. Then you should talk to the FRG (Family Readiness Group). Call his First Sergent as a last option.
Okay, you can disagree all you want. You're wrong.
A Commander (or First Sergeant) can NOT force a Soldier to pay or provide money to anyone or any organization. They can punish when the Soldier fails to pay their debts, and that punishment might go as far as court-martial and ultimately, discharge, but they can't force the Soldier to direct their money anywhere.
That's a silly illusion people have and the source of endless fruitless calls to Commanders and 1SGs.
However they are required to support their families. If they are not the command can interveine and make something change.
I guess the AR is wrong also.
Quote:
Soldiers are required to manage their personal affairs in a manner that does not bring discredit upon themselves or the U. S. Army. This responsibility includes—
(1) Maintaining reasonable contact with family members so that their financial needs and welfare do not become official matters of concern for the Army (see para 2–1).
(2) Conducting themselves in an honorable manner with regard to parental commitments and responsibilities (see chap 2).
(3) Providing adequate financial support to family members (see paras 2–3 through 2–9).
If the soldier is not doing what they are suppose to be doing and supporting their family, someone in the command can step in and ORDER them to take care of it and also take action against them for not doing so (3-6)
Its all right there. In black and white.
As for the counseling thing, here's something that is food for thought
Quote:
f the chain of command becomes aware of a change in the soldier’s behavior, he can ask the soldier to be seen at a behavioral health clinic. Or if a commander had questions about a soldier’s fitness for duty, they could do a command-directed mental health evaluation, in which case a soldier is referred for evaluation with the understanding that the behavioral health provider will provide feedback to the commander. ... http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifest...lrF_story.html[/LEFT]
However they are required to support their families. If they are not the command can interveine and make something change.
I guess the AR is wrong also.
If the soldier is not doing what they are suppose to be doing and supporting their family, someone in the command can step in and ORDER them to take care of it and also take action against them for not doing so (3-6)
Its all right there. In black and white.
As for the counseling thing, here's something that is food for thought
Okay, I stand corrected on one component: you're right... The regulation states that the Commander will order them to comply with that regulation, and I'll be honest: I've never once had JAG back me on 'ordering' a Soldier to put a check in the mail. I have always been told I can *punish* for failure to provide support, either in the amount agreed on in a written court order, or a proportion of housing allowance, not order them to write a check.
However-please go read the front of it. Can you explain what 'support their families' means? I'm willing to bet you can't, or simply believe it means some proportion of the paycheck. Unfortunately, it's not defined. The Soldier probably believes he's providing just fine. The wife obviously doesn't.
So...define for me what 'support' means in numeric terms before we go on. 10% of the paycheck? 50%? 75%? 'Enough' isn't going to cut it in the courtroom.
Okay, I stand corrected on one component: you're right... The regulation states that the Commander will order them to comply with that regulation, and I'll be honest: I've never once had JAG back me on 'ordering' a Soldier to put a check in the mail. I have always been told I can *punish* for failure to provide support, either in the amount agreed on in a written court order, or a proportion of housing allowance, not order them to write a check.
However-please go read the front of it. Can you explain what 'support their families' means? I'm willing to bet you can't, or simply believe it means some proportion of the paycheck. Unfortunately, it's not defined. The Soldier probably believes he's providing just fine. The wife obviously doesn't.
So...define for me what 'support' means in numeric terms before we go on. 10% of the paycheck? 50%? 75%? 'Enough' isn't going to cut it in the courtroom.
Support???? why are we arguing about Percentages??? He's supposed to be there for his family 100% taking care of his family 100% wife and kids...emotionally physically mentally and all of the above, I do not know how you were raised or if you have any kids if you did you could probably relate...no one should turn their backs on their kids and family, i don't care what your occupation is... You're talking like I want nothing but his money..."NOT THE CASE" believe it or not, if he supported me right , treated me right, even if he didn't have a job but did everything he was supposed to do making sure we still had " SOME TYPE OF WAY " I'd still be with him...FAMILY comes FIRST!I guess you have it in your head that every woman is a gold digger, or that every civilian spouse wants nothing but benefits and money.
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