Rights as a Military Spouse (training, stationed, officer, deploy)
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What makes you think these problems existed before they were married?
I don't think the question really helps the original poster...
Rich
Eh, probably not, but this was a 'troubled' relationship before he enlisted...its all over the original post.
It was just a reaction against what I see/suspect - someone trying to make their problems the Army's problems, when the Army had/has little or nothing to do with it. As a CO I got these type of calls on a distressingly regular basis...but such is life.
Despite all, I do wish the OP a satisfactory resolution to her issues. I shall comment no further.
What the heck to you suggest the FRG do? I volunteer for my husband's FRG and there really is nothing they can do other than suggest resources (such as Military OneSource etc). Also, my husband works in Finance and Soldiers cannot be forced to pay anything other than BAH differential without a court order. He command can tell him he has to pay more, but Finance will NOT enforce anything without a court order!
I just went through this myself and BAH IS FOR THE FAMILY. FRG is there for a resource of help and information. The reason I can say this is AGAIN I JUST WENT THROUGH THIS MYSELF. My First Sgt will speak to her husband and make sure he is paying support.
I just went through this myself and BAH IS FOR THE FAMILY. FRG is there for a resource of help and information. The reason I can say this is AGAIN I JUST WENT THROUGH THIS MYSELF. My First Sgt will speak to her husband and make sure he is paying support.
Please do correct me if I'm wrong, but from memory and a quick scan of the updated regulation:
BAH gets divided among all the family members-that includes the service member-but only if there is no other agreement in place. It's not solely for the family members, but also for the Soldier.
Just for my own curiousity-what in the world would your 1SG be doing speaking to her husband? Are they in the same company?
While they are married he is collecting BAH with Dependents. He still has to provide a place for them to live or give them money for a place. However if they are divorced there is something called BAH II-DIF.
The Military does not believe in seperation. Its either your married or divorced. Something someone told me once (and this was with in the DoD and was affiliated with a job) "The military is very victorian in many of their ways"
Please do correct me if I'm wrong, but from memory and a quick scan of the updated regulation:
BAH gets divided among all the family members-that includes the service member-but only if there is no other agreement in place. It's not solely for the family members, but also for the Soldier.
Just for my own curiousity-what in the world would your 1SG be doing speaking to her husband? Are they in the same company?
It gets divided SO that means that he needs to provide support. HIS 1st Sgt will speak with him on the issue. I was a military spouse and active duty military so I know what the regs state. As I stated before, I went through that same issue recently. I live in a military community and have friends that go through this all the time and the results are the same. The soldier must take care of their family unless a separation, consent order or divorce decree state different.
The Military does not believe in seperation. Its either your married or divorced. Something someone told me once (and this was with in the DoD and was affiliated with a job) "The military is very victorian in many of their ways"
In the military you are:
1. Either married or not married.
2. Either with or without dependents.
3. The military does have "family separation allowance" but it is not in the same context which you were speaking... I think it is about $250 per month.
Pretty simple. I don't consider it Victorian.
And civilian employers? What do they do? Nothing...
Eh, probably not, but this was a 'troubled' relationship before he enlisted...its all over the original post.
It was just a reaction against what I see/suspect - someone trying to make their problems the Army's problems, when the Army had/has little or nothing to do with it. As a CO I got these type of calls on a distressingly regular basis...but such is life.
Despite all, I do wish the OP a satisfactory resolution to her issues. I shall comment no further.
Quote:
What would you do if he worked for Wal-Mart ??
I agree with both posters.
So, because the poster's husband is in the military, she can tattle to his commanding officers and make him....what? Come home at night? Write her a check? I don't understand what the poster wants. And what is all of this talk about BAH? The poster has a roof over her head, so what am I missing?
So, because the poster's husband is in the military, she can tattle to his commanding officers and make him....what? Come home at night? Write her a check? I don't understand what the poster wants. And what is all of this talk about BAH? The poster has a roof over her head, so what am I missing?
IF they seperate (unless there is a written agreement for a different amount), the Soldier has to give up a certain amount of money. The money is calculated off of a proportion of BAH. That's where BAH comes into it.
I am a 21 yr old mother of one who just turned 2yrs old this past Sunday. I just got married April 15, 2011. I was wondering what rights I have as a military spouse... I'm new to this military life thing, and my husband basically has the upper hand in everything because he knows I dont know ANYTHING about the army or what I can do as a spouse. Im unemployed I just sold my car to a junk yard so I dont have anything. My husband just got in trouble for adultery ....but not big trouble he still has his rank E-4 and everything since they really couldnt prove he had an affair, it was just rumored. to make a long story short I'm un-happy, he was advised to go to marriage counseling by his NCO but hasnt really made any progress. the word annulment has been constantly coming up in our household. his reasons he feels like he wasn't ready, too much responsibility , he still wants to go out n party with his friends, he's not used to having some one to answer to (wife). as of right now as we speak he hasnt come home yet ...it's 1:09 am he left out of here yesterday morning 6:30 am for PT, and supposedly has to jump in the morning. im stuck in the house with my 2 year old, i don't have a phone cant make any calls out, cant go anywhere i don't have any money, and all of our clothes are dirty, it upsets me because he knows all of this and would rather play around instead of handle his home and family first....he said he wanted an annulment but wanted me to still live with him so he could still take care of me and my daughter...i'm like isn't that responsibility?? and by the way he isnt my daughters biological father...so i feel like he feels he really doesn't HAVE TO come home when he's supposed to and he doesn't have to really do anything. Theres so much more to this story...
I didn't read all of the responses, so I apologize if I'm repeating. By military regulations, you and your daughter have to be cared for with food and shelter. You don't have a "right" to anything else. You can get a job, you can divorce him, or you can fight it out like any other married couple. The military can't make him love or respect you.
If you get an annulment, realize you and your child will lose your health care, and his pay will drastically be reduced.
What is it that you want from the Army? He has a roof over your heads and food in your mouths- it is up to YOU to come to an agreement with your husband over what you feel that you deserve from him. Why do you not seek employment and then you would not be forced to accept what your husband is doling out.
I am NOT trying to be cruel but other than ensuring that the BAH (if not in qtrs) is paid the Army cannot make your marriage better. That is up to you and your husband. yes, he can be made to have a MH eval but the Army cannot force him to care and cannot make him behave like the husband that you obviously want.
You have been given the resources you have access to (Onesource, etc) for any counselling that YOU may seek but it is up to you to decide if you want to stay in your marriage (if he doesn't care if he is married or not).
Continually calling the 1SG or CO will only cause more stress and resentment and he may even leave the Military (then you will have absolutely NO guarantee of any care at all).
You are an adult and a mother- you should be able to make basic decisions about your living conditions- do it!!
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