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Old 09-04-2014, 06:09 AM
Location: East Coast
673 posts, read 678,068 times
Reputation: 648


Originally Posted by GeorgiaTransplant View Post
Not really. You could always call the Commander, but when I was a Commander, I took every single call from a spouse with a grain of salt. There were typically two sides to every story.

"Pushing for counseling" is the absolute quickest way to push him even farther away. If HE doesn't want counseling, his CO or SGT sweating him to get it is just going to **** him off-and they can't make him go. If they skirt the rules and DO bluff him into going, he's not going to take it seriously.

People with problems need to want to change them for themselves, not because someone else wants them to change.
Unfortunately, this is all too true. You can't force him, honey.

Originally Posted by Poncho_NM View Post
You might start by going to the Military OneSource. Education, relocation, parenting, stress - you name it - Military OneSource is here to help you with just about any need. Available by phone or online, our free service is provided by the Department of Defense for active-duty, Guard, and Reserve service members and their families. The service is completely private and confidential, with few exceptions. Military OneSource

You might look at the Strong Bonds web site. It offers single Soldiers, couples and families relationship building skills to thrive within the military lifestyle. The Strong Bonds couple weekend retreat is offered by Army chaplains and is designed to strengthen relationships, inspire hope and rekindle marriages. Strong Bonds is open to active duty Army, Army National Guard, Army Reserve and Air National Guard families. To locate a retreat near you, go to www.strongbonds.org.

You can also contact the Army chaplains office and see what advice you can gain.

You might look at the Army Family Team Building (AFTB) web site: http://www.myarmyonesource.com/Famil...g/default.aspx

It appears the you have a marriage problem, not an Army problem, but there is a lot of help available to both of you, if you want it. It will take some work on you and your husbands part.

I served in the Army for 22+ continuous years. My wife and I went through a lot of good times and bad times. We know many people who have gone through a variety of marriage issues. My wife and I have been married 42 years...

Good luck to you.

Great resource, Poncho. Same here for the ups and downs, good and bad. Being a military spouse IS very difficult, and I often felt relegated to a second-class citizen.

Originally Posted by DBMommy View Post
I am a 21 yr old mother of one who just turned 2yrs old this past Sunday. I just got married April 15, 2011. I was wondering what rights I have as a military spouse... I'm new to this military life thing, and my husband basically has the upper hand in everything because he knows I dont know ANYTHING about the army or what I can do as a spouse. Im unemployed I just sold my car to a junk yard so I dont have anything. My husband just got in trouble for adultery ....but not big trouble he still has his rank E-4 and everything since they really couldnt prove he had an affair, it was just rumored. to make a long story short I'm un-happy, he was advised to go to marriage counseling by his NCO but hasnt really made any progress. the word annulment has been constantly coming up in our household. his reasons he feels like he wasn't ready, too much responsibility , he still wants to go out n party with his friends, he's not used to having some one to answer to (wife). as of right now as we speak he hasnt come home yet ...it's 1:09 am he left out of here yesterday morning 6:30 am for PT, and supposedly has to jump in the morning. im stuck in the house with my 2 year old, i don't have a phone cant make any calls out, cant go anywhere i don't have any money, and all of our clothes are dirty, it upsets me because he knows all of this and would rather play around instead of handle his home and family first....he said he wanted an annulment but wanted me to still live with him so he could still take care of me and my daughter...i'm like isn't that responsibility?? and by the way he isnt my daughters biological father...so i feel like he feels he really doesn't HAVE TO come home when he's supposed to and he doesn't have to really do anything. Theres so much more to this story...
This is exactly why I mentor young women, and implore them to get an education first, or at least some form of career tech job....so they can support themselves if necessary.

The only other thing you can do (in addition to Poncho's excellent advice and resources), is to start, right now, in improving your own life while within the military system.

Arrange for childcare, and go back to school. Find our about military spouse scholarships offered by your base's spouse clubs, as well as the educational benefits available to you. Various on-line programs, like Univ. of Maryland, offer discounts to military families. Earn some sort of degree in a field you enjoy, so you can be self-sufficient.

Then, if your spouse still continues his philandering ways, decide if you want to remain in this relationship. Do NOT expect to rely on him for the rest of your life!!!

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Old 09-08-2014, 10:54 PM
Location: Southern New Hampshire
9,901 posts, read 17,479,177 times
Reputation: 35165
Dandiday, that woman DBMommy last posted in 2011 so she is long gone ... others have been posting (2013, 2014) with different questions.

(I wish CD would tell newbies to use the "start a new thread" button instead of latching on to old threads that may or may not b relevant ... gets confusing!)
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Old 09-09-2014, 06:19 AM
Location: Middle America
37,413 posts, read 52,444,928 times
Reputation: 53023
It's a double-edged sword. You've got the camp that is very firmly of the "start a new thread rather than resurrect an old one that's related," persuasion, and the camp that is very firmly of the "There are already nine million threads on this issue, so why did you start a new one instead of using one of the existing ones" school of thought.

It's best just to look at dates before responding.
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Old 09-14-2014, 04:34 AM
4,279 posts, read 5,106,653 times
Reputation: 2372
At the end of the day your life is not so bad or tough. Suck it up and make the best of it.
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Old 09-15-2014, 11:24 PM
Location: Mid-Atlantic
32,258 posts, read 34,876,948 times
Reputation: 42424
Originally Posted by totsuka View Post
At the end of the day your life is not so bad or tough. Suck it up and make the best of it.
To whom are you responding?
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