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Old 09-23-2011, 02:15 PM
 
7 posts, read 25,977 times
Reputation: 12

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My boyfriend just started recruiting in TX 4 days ago. I live 1300 miles away. I knew the hours would be tough but JEEZ! We went from talking multiple times a day (including texts) to him working until midnight everynight in the first week. I text or try to call... he is busy. Constantly working and said he only ate 1 meal a day due to time constraints.

We were told that it would be 8-5 and an easy 36 months. Now, I am apparently driving him to a breakup because I don't understand why he can't call me. I've never dated a military person but when he was in KY, it wasn't a problem. He would send a code we came up with for busy if he was busy (I do the same when I am in meetings).

He has gotten extremely mean and short in all communication to the point where I want to just stop all together and see if he ever calls again. I did speak with a co-worker who's husband recruited for 3 years. She said it was the worst time in their marriage (he couldn't call, work all hours, she'd never see him, etc).

I really would like to hear from both Recruiters and significant-others of recuriters (past or present) to hopefully put my mind at ease. I don't want to lose him but I truly just want to understand.

All help or advice would be greatly appreciated!
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Old 09-23-2011, 02:16 PM
 
7 posts, read 25,977 times
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Oh... he as not called since he started. Only texting!
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Old 09-23-2011, 02:21 PM
 
Location: Petticoat Junction
930 posts, read 1,745,124 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by af12212 View Post
We were told that it would be 8-5 and an easy 36 months.
You were, ahem,...misled, to put it charitably. Recruiting duty is one of the most stressful jobs out there. The pressure to make quota is intense...contributes to failed marriages and worse.

Can't speak for your BF's specific situation but what he claims (as related by you) is entirely plausible.

I apologize as I just realized you wanted recruiters' first-person input, but after 20+ Army years I've dealt with/known many a recruiter and I've seen the battlefield there.
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Old 09-23-2011, 02:29 PM
 
7 posts, read 25,977 times
Reputation: 12
Thanks AJ. I don't mind any advice. I need to understand so I can be supportive and not a nag. I guess I find it hard to believe that a single phone call in 5 days is impossible. That's the hardest part....
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Old 09-23-2011, 04:08 PM
 
Location: Prince William County, VA
707 posts, read 1,725,200 times
Reputation: 437
Recruiting can truly be one of the most stressful jobs. Recruiters wives I have talked to in the past have told me they wouldn't wish recruiting duty (or being the wife of a recruiter) on their worst enemy, it's that bad.
It takes a VERY strong relationship to make it through recruiting.

Best wishes to you!
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Old 09-23-2011, 06:37 PM
 
Location: New Mexico U.S.A.
26,529 posts, read 45,257,957 times
Reputation: 31023
Quote:
Originally Posted by af12212 View Post
I don't want to lose him but I truly just want to understand.

All help or advice would be greatly appreciated!
Military duties can be taxing...

Relationships can also be taxing...

22+ years in the Army and 42 years married to the same woman...

You are young, this is just one experience.

Good luck to both of you!


Rich
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Old 09-23-2011, 08:51 PM
 
5,725 posts, read 9,132,473 times
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Yea, Ummm.... I've never been a recruiter, but buddies have.

he COULD call if he wanted to.

They spend plenty of time driving etc. (And not all calling poolees)

Now, stress might have them WANTING not to talk... I can't speak to that.
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Old 09-23-2011, 09:57 PM
 
Location: Colorado
1,712 posts, read 3,241,710 times
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DH was a recruiter at the very beginning of our marriage, with a newborn. It was the hardest thing that either one of us had to endure. He frequently had 70-90 hour weeks. You get your person in one month (or two depending on the quota) and the next month the response is, "Well, what did you do for us this month?"

When you have people drop, it counts against the current month. Say you get two people in, then two people drop out (DEP loss), you show a big fat zero for the month.

Working 8-5 is a pipe dream. Even if you have your one or two guys in and the station commander had promised that you could actually go home at a reasonable hour, when you TRY to go home early that commander usually would say, "What, you aren't a team player? What about everyone else here?"

It also depends on how far MEPS is. If it is nearby, the hours aren't as bad, but if it is farther away, good luck! The recruiter will spend LOTS of time on the road going back and forth from the station to MEPS to the station. DH had several pickups at 3a.m. to be at MEPS at 6a.m.

DH hit the lottery and won an additional year of recruiting. If he had to spend an additional month in it, he would have had a heart attack.
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Old 09-23-2011, 10:00 PM
 
Location: Schertz
581 posts, read 1,094,764 times
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It's hard to explain. I know that in my case, when I started my phone was attached to my ear. I was on that damn thing for the longest time and honestly, the last thing I wanted to do was come home and talk some more. And I was within driving distance of my family. I can imagine it being harder being further away. The best way to describe recruiting duty is like trying to wrangle a bunch of squirrels and if those squirrels are teenagers, trying to wrangle mama and papa squirrel.

He may just be trying to get used to the lifestyle. It takes a while but like everything in the military you learn to adapt, adjust, and overcome. It's only be four days. Give it some time for it to settle in for the both of you. Let him get his feet wet. Give him a week or so more. He should get everything down by then and maybe make it an 8-5. But as a recruiter, you may be in the office 8-5 but on call 24/7.
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Old 09-24-2011, 11:48 PM
 
Location: Sierra Vista, AZ
16,536 posts, read 22,012,752 times
Reputation: 8738
Quote:
Originally Posted by AJBarney View Post
You were, ahem,...misled, to put it charitably. Recruiting duty is one of the most stressful jobs out there. The pressure to make quota is intense...contributes to failed marriages and worse.

Can't speak for your BF's specific situation but what he claims (as related by you) is entirely plausible.

I apologize as I just realized you wanted recruiters' first-person input, but after 20+ Army years I've dealt with/known many a recruiter and I've seen the battlefield there.
I did a tour in Recruiting and couldn't agree more. He is in a fight to survive and doesn't need to be responding to calls and texts every hour or two. Perhaps I'm just an old fogey but I had one phone call in 18 months in Vietnam. My wife understood the pressure I faced in recruiting and supported me as best she knew how. Sounds likke you are making yourself a distraction
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