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My boyfriend of almost a year finally got into the army, tomorrow he goes down to take his physical and enlist, from there we will find out when he ships out for basic. This guy the the one i plan on marrying and having kids with. I understand it will be difficult but i know we can make it through. Im wondering about when he gets stationed am i allowed to go with him even if were not married? When he finds out when he leaves for basic im going to talk to him about that, marriage and kids. Depending on my finances i would like to go with him. Any advice any one has on how we should go about this would be great because im really confused about it all. How does being a military spouse work?
My boyfriend of almost a year finally got into the army, tomorrow he goes down to take his physical and enlist, from there we will find out when he ships out for basic. This guy the the one i plan on marrying and having kids with. I understand it will be difficult but i know we can make it through. Im wondering about when he gets stationed am i allowed to go with him even if were not married?
In most (not all) locations, yes. For instance, if he's sent to Kuwait, it just won't work out. But even in the US, the Army will not pay. I repeat: the Army will not pay. They will not pay to move you, they won't approve quarters or a housing allowance, and you'll have no official status-so you can't use medical or most base facilities. The Army does not recognize fiancees, boyfriends, or girlfriends. It recognizes spouses.
I moved with my girlfriend, later fiancee, later wife, to a high cost of living area, all on my own dime. But I was a fairly senior Captain at the time and could pull it off, and we had some specific reasons for waiting. A new enlisted Soldier might have trouble doing that even to a standard area like Fort Hood, unless you have personal financial resources you didn't address.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Clutje11
When he finds out when he leaves for basic im going to talk to him about that, marriage and kids. Depending on my finances i would like to go with him. Any advice any one has on how we should go about this would be great because im really confused about it all. How does being a military spouse work?
Once you have a marriage certificate, you are official. There's some minor paperwork to do to get added as a family member, but it's not that hard to do. Once complete, the Army will make every attempt to find someplace you can go together, and move you with him if possible. However, there are many tours that are 'unaccompanied', in which they won't do that-inevitably, it will happen someday.
If it's one that's accompanied, you will receive either a house on post or a housing allowance commensurate with his rank, the ability to receive medical care, and an ID card allowing you to use on-post facilities such as commissary.
If the tour is unaccompanied, even if you are married, he will still go-without you-and either leave you in place or move you somewhere else (near parents is a popular choice) for the duration. Unaccompanied tours are shorter than 'regular' tours.
There is also the chance of 'deployment', or going somewhere for an operation-you definitely can't go with him there. There is the near-certainty of 'field', where he will go with his unit for one day to several weeks, overnight, and practices the tasks done on deployments.
The Army is an outdoor sport and it takes soldiers away from their families, sometimes a lot. Be prepared for that.
Should we marry before boot camp? or can we wait till after? im gonna have a talk with him soon about it, because i was having a hard time understanding that we would be distant alot, but i think i am prepared.
You want to go with him to basic? You will get there at your own expense. You will pay for housing at your own expense, and you will not be able to see him unless he gets an off base pass. You are wasting your time and money following someone to basic and AIT.
I lived in military housing as a fiancee. It's possible some places, not all.
We didn't receive BAH for me until we were married, obviously, but I was allowed to live there. My husband had been in the military for more than a dozen years already at the time, he wasn't at boot camp or lower enlisted, however, he was an E-7/E-8, and had certain housing privileges due to rank (i.e. not being required to live in BEQ as an unmarried person). Our housing wasn't behind base gates, so there were no access issues, and it was operated by contractors. So it wasn't a problem that I didn't yet have dependent status/dependent ID to get in and out of housing like it would be at some other bases. I obviously had no access to any benefits, from Tricare to commissary shopping privileges, until we married.
There is no point in going along with to basic training, honestly. It's short term, you'd have to find your own short-term housing, because he'll be living in the barracks, and he'll have absolutely no time to spend with you.
Being a military spouse works differently depending on what your spouse does. Some orders are accompanied and family may move with the service member, sometimes not. Whether or not you can accompany on overseas orders depends on a few different things, including any medical/special needs of any dependents.
Please, please, please do NOT follow him to Basic or AIT - married or not. You won't be doing anyone any favors, including yourself. It is worth noting that once someone joins the military their time is not totally their own anymore. They also no longer have total control over where they live either. When you marry someone in the military you have to accept that there will be times when his obligations to you will come second to his obligations to the military, and he can't choose to change that priority unless he gets out.
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Are you sure he did not enlist to get away from you???? You're only a girlfriend of a couple months. You should not be trying to get him to marry you, and you should not be following him to Basic. Leave him alone.
My boyfriend of almost a year finally got into the army, tomorrow he goes down to take his physical and enlist, from there we will find out when he ships out for basic. This guy the the one i plan on marrying and having kids with. I understand it will be difficult but i know we can make it through. Im wondering about when he gets stationed am i allowed to go with him even if were not married? When he finds out when he leaves for basic im going to talk to him about that, marriage and kids. Depending on my finances i would like to go with him. Any advice any one has on how we should go about this would be great because im really confused about it all. How does being a military spouse work?
Your boyfriend is 24 hr away from enlisting and you haven't discussed these issues already?
This is a red flag. Perhaps he doesn't want to marry you or care if you two are apart.
My boyfriend of almost a year finally got into the army, tomorrow he goes down to take his physical and enlist, from there we will find out when he ships out for basic. This guy the the one i plan on marrying and having kids with. I understand it will be difficult but i know we can make it through. Im wondering about when he gets stationed am i allowed to go with him even if were not married? When he finds out when he leaves for basic im going to talk to him about that, marriage and kids. Depending on my finances i would like to go with him. Any advice any one has on how we should go about this would be great because im really confused about it all. How does being a milHeitary spouse work?
I am usually not on this forum so I can not discuss military issues, however, I'm a woman in her 60s who is well versed on "life issues".
Hmmm, you wrote "My boyfriend of almost a year" and I read " the boyfriend who I have only known for a few months". Red flag.
You wrote "the guy I plan to marry" and not "the guy who loves me completely and who wants to marry me". Red flag.
You wrote "tomorrow" he is enlisting and yet you haven't ever discussed marriage and kids with him? Red flag.
Wow, just wow. Let him go. IMHO, if he truly loved you and truly wanted to marry you, he would have been discussing everything with you since before he decided to enlist. He would have been finding out what to do because he wanted to be with you forever. He may have even discussed marrying you with your parents (it sounds old fashioned, but many men still discuss it-maybe not ask permission- but discuss it first with the future in-laws).
What? You say that he hasn't even met your parents? Red flag.
He would have proposed to you already or at least seriously discussed marriage, children, money, careers and your joint future. Huge red flag.
See all the red flags that are telling you to stop and wait and consider the consequences?
Let him go. If he truly loves you he will be back. Maybe not after basic training, maybe not even in a year or two. Maybe it will be in five years. But if he truly loves you he will be back. You say that you aren't willing to wait for him for five years? Then, IMHO, you truly do not love him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by charlygal
Your boyfriend is 24 hr away from enlisting and you haven't discussed these issues already?
This is a red flag. Perhaps he doesn't want to marry you or care if you two are apart.
Excellent points.
Last edited by germaine2626; 05-17-2015 at 08:44 AM..
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