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How in the world can a serviceman who gets divorced ever remarry if his ex-wife gets 50% of his paycheck?
Now you see the big picture.
During my career, there was usually a small group of divorced sailors who were nearly always broke. Not from drinking and big spending, but broke from severely reduced paychecks.
Quote:
... I am not talking about retirement pay nor child support.
I am talking about alimony which is what it is called in civilian world.
In the civilian world, child support would be expected, but 50% of a man's wages solely for alimony would be very rare.
I believe many posters are confusing child support with alimony.
Is it possible that civilian judges are looking at something other than the servicemember's pay?
Unless the servicemember can get stateside, and can be in the courtroom; who is showing the judge the servicemember's LES? [LEX - Leave and Earnings Statement] The Navy will not show anyone your LES. Not a judge, not anyone.
In my experience, the ex-wives usually file for divorce in her home-town while the servicemember is deployed. It happens with every deployment. So he is never represented in the courtroom. And I have no idea what is presented as being his income level to the judge.
It is my understanding that in most instances when a judge bangs his gavel, he has never seen the servicemember's LES. The judge has no idea what the servicemember earns. He is going entirely by what the ex-wife says, and by his city's normal guidelines for determining the levels of alimony and for child-support.
It is when the servicemember is in the courtroom [months later] and can show the judge his LES. To prove to the judge his level of income, that the judges will usually lower the alimony.
Some judges will look at base-pay, some will look at gross pay.
And I have heard that some judges will look at some other source which reputedly shows the equivalent net worth of a US servicemember's benefits. [Saying "well even if we take 'all' of his pay, the military will still house and feed the guy"].
Thank You for all the responses. I don't wish for my husband to suffer. I would never wish what I'm going through on anyone. I just would like to be able to better provide for our daughters. I don't care that my husband is enjoying his lapse of luxury. The xbox and larger TV's don't matter to me. Of course I would likt to experience the good life just as much as the next person. But, that I can accomplish for myself. It's the care of my girls which bothers me the most.
I don't consider it a burden to seek employment. However, I can't go job hunting nor to a job interview with a 4 year old and a 2 year old in tow. If I can hardly afford the bare necessities, how on earth am I to afford the necessary childcare! I don't know on any childcare facility which would care of my daughter least I can afford applications fees and the first month or week of care.
My in-laws are all the family I have... I don't have a friend or relative whom I can lean on for help with childcare. Trust me, I've explore all option of which I've been made aware of thus far. I've given my husband much time and opportunity to come to his senses. It's been a little over a year of struggles... While for the past 3+ months of this difficult year my husband has been "living it up."
Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that he's had an opportunity to seek his worldly treasures. But, it would just be so nice for the girls to have the basics. I'm I asking for too much. Is that why I must be made to suffer!
My husband is a Sergeant in the Army Reserves... It's my understanding that my husband receives a separation allowance for being away from his family. I'm a stay-at-home mom who spends my days caring for our two daughters. My husband is living in a lapse of luxury while I struggle to care for our two daughters. I'm constantly receiving disconnection notices, not because I refuse to pay my bills but rather because I just don't have the income to cover my monthly expenses. If I choose to purchase diapers and wipes or some other much needed basic necessities, there will be a bill which, more than likely, will go unpaid in that particular month. I only have basic expenses: Rent, Electricity, Water & Sewer, Telephone Services. NO luxuries like Cable or Cellular.
I was told by my husband that neither our daughters nor myself are entitled to any of his benefits. He explained the separation benefits to be a compensation solely to him and not for the care of his family. I'm lost here, I thought a husband was responsible for his household no matter where he is stationed. Help!!!
I've been job hunting since November 2008 with no luck. Companies are let employees go left and right on my area. I'm not looking for the easy way out. I've been doing caring for our two daughter since my husband return from over seas in June 2008. It has become rather difficult to keep going. I've had to apply for public assistance to keep our daughter out of a homeless shelter.
Meanwhile, my husband has been purchasing wide screen HDTV, Xbox 360, and other expensive electronics. He feels no remorse that I've been reduced to borrowing diapers and money to pay for diapers and wipes most months. I would like to know what my rights are as his wife. Am I better off divorced?
You need to contact his first sergeant or commander. Military members are required by law to pay for their dependant's needs. That doesn't mean that he must give you cash, but he must help you maintain your home and feed your children.
He is, I promise, receiving more pay that he would if he were single. There are two types of pay, non-dependent, and dependent. He receives the greater amount of the two. He also is receiving a family seperation allowance, which is supposed to help with increased family costs since he is not there to help you, like long distance phone calls home and extra hours of babysitting.
There is no law of exactly how much he must give for which purpose, but he must maintain support of his dependants.
Are the bills jointly in your names? If so, him being late on bills should have created a notification to his commander, and even garnishment of wages. You may be able to get wages garnished for bills that are jointly in his name.
On another note, why would you want to stay married to a man that prioritizes you and your children so low and has that attitude that money should be used for his TV instead of his children?
A civilian would never be ordered to giver his wife 50% of his paycheck plus pay child support.
That doesn't sound right.
It is true. If marriage is more than 10 years, the ex civilian spouse gets 50% of retirement pay as well, and even judges can't rule otherwise.
This is an old law, and frankly unfair if you ask me. It was developed once upon a time, when men served in the Armed Forces, and women were stay-at-home mom's who sacrificed everything for their husbands. Some husbands would cheat, and then leave the wife practically homeless, with no way to support herself.
It was important. It is not now.
Imagine me, a woman, marries a man, who I stay married to for 10 years. He cheats on me.... and I have to give up half my pay forever in order to divorce him.
AFSA is working hard to change this antiquated law.
... Imagine me, a woman, marries a man, who I stay married to for 10 years. He cheats on me.... and I have to give up half my pay forever in order to divorce him.
AFSA is working hard to change this antiquated law.
I agree that it does not make sense.
Though, changing the genders does not change how recidulus it sounds.
I have watched scores of married men whose wives 'cheated' and then filed for divorce. Those ex-wives got to cheat and they got the cash.
In many cases, the men lost their security clearances and therefore their jobs.
A circumstance where a wife were supporting her husband, and where he 'cheated' and was then able to file for divorce and take 50% of his ex-wife's money. Sounds just as dumb.
First place for me would be Rear D. Trust me they can pull and tug anything they want. I know from experience from going through a foreclosure literally 7 weeks before my hubby returned from a 15 month deployment. Raise a stink girl! Trust me he can get into trouble for not having his affairs at home taken care of.
Also your husband needs to realize that he has bills and house payment (which if I am wrong, I apolojize) that are in his name also. Which depending on his security clearance, can cause him to lose his job.
When a service member is deployed...not only do they get base pay, BAS, BAH, HDP, HFP/IDP they also get family seperation pay. Along with having no federal taxes taken out. (I just looked at my hubby's LES).
When my husband was deployed, E-5 with 4 years in a couple of years ago, he was bringing home just over $3600.
Best of luck to you. Be head strong and dont take no for an answer....if they tell you no, ask for the reg.
BAH is only given to members who are married. Same with Family Separation Pay. They are NOT given to him to "play with". If you look under anything for sep pay, you'll see it's to help the FAMILY with expenses while the servicemember is deployed, not for the servicemember to party with.
Contact his command. When my DH was in the Navy, any sailor doing what your dh is doing would find himself in the commander's office, filling out disbursement paperwork to put all his pay, minus maybe $50 twice a month, into his wife's accounts.
If you don't know how to contact his command, let your FSG and let them know what he's doing. The Navy had something called FFS (Fleet & Family Support) too. If you step into the Army's equivalent office and let them know you're having a hard time paying the bills, they'll shove a stethoscope down your family finances... the good thing is that if you're having a hard time because he's being a jackass, they'll make him "Man up". If you're at fault, they'll tell you so. And they'll give you help, either way.
I have to add... the OP stated that she had to apply for public assistance to keep going. They would've turned her down. No member of the military, married, qualifies for public assistance anymore. They have too much income now. Check out dfas.mil for current pay and entitlement charts.
Last edited by sskkc; 08-06-2009 at 12:24 PM..
Reason: had to add
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