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You have to come to an agreement on what are the things you as a family need, if it is for your husband to better himself and get a different job, then you as his wife need to be able to endure some hardships as well. Being in the military takes sacrifices from the entire family (cats included). If he has doubts then he should not do it at all, because once he signs and SWEARS in he can not just decide he wants another job until the end of his contract. I am a former Marine and feel only the individuals that feel the calling to serve should go in, becuase if your heart is not into serving your country you will be letting some of the day to day issues get to you and you will not be happy thus affecting morale for those around you. If he does decide to go in let me Thank all of you for his service. If he decides not to go in let me Thank all of you for even considering it.
I am a NAVY Spouse and I love it. Sure, long hours, duty days where he sleeps on the ship every 3rd night or every 6th night, but we've been stationed in Yokohama Japan, Keflavik Iceland (now closed) and Naples Italy. Get an OVERSEAS billet.
(Also, I recommend typing your comments into Word, spell checking, then posting them online. Proper spelling means the world, when all we have are letters on the screen, trust me)
We LOVED Keflavik!
We are in AF and my husband was in the rescue squadron there.
Stayed as long as we could (extended twice - I had a friend in the navy who retoured in a different job and stayed even longer than us).
I wish they would reopen it. I have had dreams where they have reopened it and we get to move there as one of the first families there to help set things up.
It is scary to try to make the decision. Mine was already in the AF when we got married, and I was not that keen on him staying in at least another 18 yrs. As far as joining, I was not there to have to contribute to the decision. Now he has been in 15 yrs and I have gotten used to it and of course he is staying in at least another 5, probably 10 yrs, if not the full 30 (high-year tenure will not be a problem for him).
Anyway, its not always easy, but many people make it work. I don't know if you will know until the time comes. Maybe see if he can go for the shortest initial contract period possible and make an agreement that you both get to discuss and decide together on reenlistment.
Like others said, you don't have to live on base/post. We have mostly lived off-base due to what school district/zoning area we wanted to live in. There are pros and cons to each living arrangement and it can vary from post/base to post/base.
If you live on post when your husband is deployed you may find you feel a little less lonely/alone because you will have others around you that are in similar circumstances, same general age, etc... Last assignment we had a neighbor across the street that every time my husband was deployed would tell me about how her husband was sent to Thailand for a year when her kids were the age of my little ones (and how there was no email, etc...). I am sure she was trying to be supportive, but it was not the same as say, your neighbor trading watching kids with you so you can go to the store all by yourself for once, or taking your kids when you have the stomach flu and are living on the bathroom floor. (in addition to the fact that you really don't want to be advertising to your neighbors off base when your husband is deployed unless you know them well for security reasons - whereas on base you feel a little safer).
Enough with the ramble, good luck with your decision. Its probably not as bad as you are worrying it is (I know how that goes - I am a worrier - you know the coward dies a thousand deaths - that is me) but in the end you are the one that is going to be living your life not me.
My husband has been looking into joining the army for a few months now. He has met with the recruiter, taken all the necessary tests and was even supposed to sware in today. Well yesterday I kind of freaked out and told him not to do it. He hasn't been certain of whether this is the right thing for him either so he called the recruiter yesterday and told him he wasn't going to enlist after all. Now we are rethinking this again
Here's our story. My husband wants to join but he won't if he thinks it is not the right thing for our family. He doesn't want to join out of patriotism, merely a way to get out of his current job and out of where we live.
Now the delimma. I am most concerned about life on an army base. I know that my husband will most certainly be deployed shortly after basic and ait. So that leaves me, my two kids and three cats all alone. I am very worried about where we might be stationed.
I am worried about what the schools are going to be like. Not necessarily the academics of the school, but if the schools are safe. I know all schools have "bad" kids, drugs, etc. but, for example, my oldest who is almost 16 has long hair and wears death metal shirts. I am concerned that if we are stationed in a more conservative area, that he will have a hard time there because he might stand out as a "weirdo" and be bullied.
I am also worried about what to do with my three cats. I have read that a lot of bases only allow two pets. Also if we were to go oversees then the cats might have to be quarantined(sp?) for 120 days.
I know that I am probably overthinking this whole thing but I like to be prepared. I'm looking for any insight to my fears. Am I overreacting?
What would he be going in as E1? E2? I'm assuming it's one of these since you didn't mention he'd be an officer. Have you guys looked up the pay for E1-E3? It's peanuts. Free insurance and BAH since he's married but honestly it's not a lot of pay. So if he has a good paying job now I don't know if I'd leave if for E1 pay. Also, are you guys close to family and friends where you are now? It's hard being away (if your close)
I wouldn't worry aboout your 16 year old. A lot of skater/punk/metal kids on bases. That wouldn't be an issue.
Just a thought--------many posters are sharing their experiences with the OP. however I expect none of them experience comes close to the OP's situation.
He is 34 years old ,has a wife and 2. kids
to the posters-------where in rank was your husband when you had 2 kids?
I'll bet he wasn't in boot camp earning E-1 wages.
Some of you stated your husband was already in the military before you married.
This is a case of a man enlisting with already a wife and 2 kids and being on the bottom of the " totem pole" ( boot camp, E-1 wages and only having the priveleges and seniority of an 18 year old single guy enlisting)
My advice is don't enlist unless some people/posters have gone through the exact same situation ( age wise, etc) and convince you and your husband.
If he thinks his job isn't the greatest now, he will probably think the same of the military until he has been in enough years to be at a much higher rank than E-1.
A familiar theme when I was in was------" rhip" ( rate has its priveleges)
Your husband will feel like he has few " priveleges" until he makes rate a few years down the road.
I have just looked back through some of mamom's posting history and I see you (mamom) do childcare in your home.
Is that something you would be interested in doing if your husband were in the military - because from my experience, there is a huge need for family child care homes. Especially ones that are flexible with extended duty hours etc... While I cannot say you can absolutely count on it, its something you probably can consider as an income source if you are willing to do it.
And check to see if your husband can enter as an E3 instead of E1 because there are ways to do that - if he has enough college credits (and other things that qualify him for that but I am not sure what they are - I just know about the college credits).
We had our first child when my husband was an E4 and our 2nd as an E5 and our 3rd as an E5. Our fourth came along when he was an E6. I have pretty much been a stay at home mom since the first one was born. Money was tight until he got to E5. Anyone know how long that takes in the Army? I know its faster than the AF. (Mine- AF - was an E5 when he had about 5 or 6 yrs in, cannot remember exactly when he got promoted - he started as an E3)
I don't know about in the Army, but in the AF you are only an E-1 for 4 months. Can go in as an E-3 for a longer enlistmed or with a few college classes....worth looking into.
Lisdol is absolutely correct about military child care. I was once a Navy CDH provider. They are in high demand at every base I've lived. I never had a spot open for more than a week.
dmarie, my husband will be 34 in a couple of months. He's too old for the air force.
Right now he works as a correctional officer and he HATES it. He has been doing it for four years and he doesn't want to do it anymore. He hates the monotony of "babysitting" inmates all day long. Especially since the inmates have more rights than he does. The pay is decent and we have ok health insurance and he gets bonuses every year. But right now he wants to do something he enjoys doing. He was going to sware in to be 68W and was looking forward to it since he is also a certified EMT.
I am used to him not being here since he works second shift. I'm not too worried about him being gone, just where we will end up. The recruiter wanted me to meet with his wife but I originally declined. I think I might take him up on that offer now.
Now that I am writing this, I am starting to feel like a jerk for telling him not to do it
With so many people unemployed and losing their houses, and yet your husband is employed and making a good wage and complaining--------I'll bet the complaining will get much louder once he enlists.
Many people enlist, serve their one term and get out.
That would put your husband at age 38 with no job !
There is no way anyone can enlist in the military the first time and be certain at enlistment date they want to stay there for 20 years since they haven't even been there for 1 day.
There is no way one can put an application in and get hired at a company and be certain they will work there til they retire ( before they even start working there)
Why should enlisting in the military be different regarding the working til retirement ?
For folks married with kids, the recruiter has a worksheet you can use to determine pay and expenses. It is only mandatory for a dependant waiver (as in someone with too many kids to join), but when I recruited and a married person wanted to sign up, I had them fill out this form so they would see an estimate of the BOTTOM LINE before they even joined.
Maybe try that.
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