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My husband left for boot camp for the Air Force last week and we will not be back until after tech school which is in November. I'm 34 weeks and 2 days pregnant; my due date is on June 3rd. Every time I think about going into labor, all I can do is cry because my husband won't be there. This is our first child and unfortunately he will miss it. I'm just trying to find some kind of support and see what other military wives have done to get through labor. Everything is so new to me and the thought of him not being here kills me.
Any advice or suggestions would be helpful. Thanks in advance.
Why would a husband enlist voluntarily in the military and leave a wife who is 8 months pregnant?
Sounds like irresponsibility is on the husband's side rather than inconsideration on the military's side.
Why would a husband enlist voluntarily in the military and leave a wife who is 8 months pregnant?
Sounds like irresponsibility is on the husband's side rather than inconsideration on the military's side.
It's hard to get in the AF today, he was probably given a take it or leave it date. At least the military (TRICARE) will pay for her and the baby's healthcare.
The OP is young, inexperienced, stressed, and has pregnancy hormones making everything that much more out of whack. Did anyone consider offering helpful advice or some nurturing? There are a lot kinder ways to encourage her to make the most of having her mom and sisters there. It may not be a big deal to any of you but it is for her - and it is for many people.
And what would patting her on the back and saying, "yes I know, your situation is SO UNFAIR" and letting her think the military is singling her out to make her life miserable going to do?
These threads are to give advice. Most of us (myself included) reminded her that she is fortunate to have her family at the hospital with her and tried to help her put it into perspective...it hasn't been that long since men were allowed in the labor rooms anyway.
I give her advice based on my experiences in the military. Experiences, by the way, that I loved dearly but were a test to see what I was made out of. Now that I am on the other side, I would hope that the OP would take the advice of people who not only lived as military spouses but managed to thrive. You don't thrive by letting the military "kick you when you're down"...you thrive by reminding yourself that you are now part of the military family and you are going to have to figure things out and probably do things you had no idea you were capable of.
I agree with the statement that the military is not your friend as a whole. But there is a whole lotta security in that direct deposit every 2 weeks, free housing, free medical, the commissary, PX/BX and a whole host of other benefits.
Absolutely. By saying "the military isn't your friend" I wasn't trying to imply that it's your enemy. "The military isn't your friend" is a reminder that it's got a job to do and the OP's husband is now part of the workforce they'll use to do it. They can't take into consideration every person's situation before deciding to ship her husband off to war or to not let him get out of boot camp to be there for the birth of his child. Unfortunate? Sure. But it's good to be realistic.
That being said...there are F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S things about military life that people should take advantage of. Paycheck on the dot every 1st and 15th...excellent. Great health care...yep. Family support centers, education centers, MPF...all there to get you to where you need to be. Some bases are better than others, but I was fortunate enough to live in some fabulous locations and was even luckier that I had a husband who liked to travel as much as I did.
I think, if you weigh the hardships versus the advantages, the pluses far outweigh the negatives. Most of it is attitude. If you're a "Life is so unfair" person...basically you're scre$#d. You don't always have to wake up and sing, but you should try and make the best of your situation...whether you're at a not-so-great location, your spouse is deployed, you're having to deliver a baby on your own, your base housing is the size of a closet, etc. By the time my husband retired, I was a totally different person. I had no idea that I was independent or capable. Many spouses aren't. But now that my husband has been out for more than 3 years now, the personality traits I developed are still in play and for that, I give full credit to the military.
Absolutely. By saying "the military isn't your friend" I wasn't trying to imply that it's your enemy. "The military isn't your friend" is a reminder that it's got a job to do and the OP's husband is now part of the workforce they'll use to do it. They can't take into consideration every person's situation before deciding to ship her husband off to war or to not let him get out of boot camp to be there for the birth of his child. Unfortunate? Sure. But it's good to be realistic.
That being said...there are F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S things about military life that people should take advantage of. Paycheck on the dot every 1st and 15th...excellent. Great health care...yep. Family support centers, education centers, MPF...all there to get you to where you need to be. Some bases are better than others, but I was fortunate enough to live in some fabulous locations and was even luckier that I had a husband who liked to travel as much as I did.
I think, if you weigh the hardships versus the advantages, the pluses far outweigh the negatives. Most of it is attitude. If you're a "Life is so unfair" person...basically you're scre$#d. You don't always have to wake up and sing, but you should try and make the best of your situation...whether you're at a not-so-great location, your spouse is deployed, you're having to deliver a baby on your own, your base housing is the size of a closet, etc. By the time my husband retired, I was a totally different person. I had no idea that I was independent or capable. Many spouses aren't. But now that my husband has been out for more than 3 years now, the personality traits I developed are still in play and for that, I give full credit to the military.
"IMHO... the OP is not cut out to be a military wife..."
Pffft. Grow a uterus, flood your system with pregnancy hormones, give birth without your spouse present, throw in a little postpartum and OMG the baby has an earache, there's two feet of snow on the ground and there's a power outage.
Military wives are made, they're not born. I agree with some of what you said. There should have been some discussion and a plan. Still, it doesn't always work out that way. Training and 'the mission' often get in the way of the rest of life. Guys don't always see things the same way that women do.
"the husband and wife make fully informed decisions..."
In your dreams. Little things like child bearing, moving, (I'm not going to go on) don't always land at the top of the heap.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sskkc
Why? The OP and her husband knew she was pregnant (obviously) when he shipped last week. Her dh chose his ship date at MEPS. The recruiter (or anyone who has been in the military, including her own parents!) would've told them there is no communication during boot. Due to this lack of communication and the information she has posted, we can also say that they both knew that he wouldn't be home before November BEFORE he left.
This is type of thread is why so few military wives with genuine problems get sympathy in a command chain - the husband and wife make fully informed decisions, but then one of them decide later that they've changed their minds and want the US Military to bow to them.
IMHO... the OP is not cut out to be a military wife. She and her dh are going to have to learn to plan ahead if their marriage will have any chance of surviving his first enlistment.
BTW - she and her dh also must've planned for her to NOT attend his boot graduation - her due date is too close. AHHHH! LIGHTBULB!
They were probably thinking that they'd be able to drive up enough sympathy to get him sent home for a little bit after grad and the birth of the baby. Am I close? Of course, I could be giving them a bit too much credit here... but let us know which it is- Did you plan this out, or did you not give this any thought at all?
DH served in the US Navy from 9-94 to 7-2007. Present for both of em - 12/99 & 08/02. We planned it out both times, threw in plenty of military "leeway" and he was stateside, non deployed both times. After that "schmoozing", plenty of leave available and some good old fashioned begging insured he was present - by the skin of his teeth, but present and cut both cords! And counted ourselves "fortunate" besides. But show me 10 military wives that call me "lucky" for it, and I'll show you at least 8 who did NONE of the planning and research I did, but at least twice the complaining.
She and her dh made poor decisions - no matter how you slice it. They (her decisions) were worse for the fact that she is a self proclaimed "Marine brat". The child of a Marine should know better ...and after all she has done (just basing this on her own threads people) have the absolute GALL to blame the MILITARY for her poor "choices"... laughable if it wasn't serious business that hurts the credibility of every military wife with real problems.
The OP hasn't been answering this stuff. If you've caught her other threads, you know why. She fully deserves everything said to her here. You can't hide behind "pregnancy hormones" to other women - especially when you've been planning on it for 8 months!
What movie is it where the 30 something woman tells the younger woman... "You can stop crying now. I'm a woman too. I'll warn you if anything with a p***s comes back into hearing range"... I laughed my BUTT OFF! Something with Amy Dolenz maybe?
I would guess there is an economic reality to all of this too.
Meaning that in this economy the husband now has a job with pay, benefits and the wife and baby will have first class health care. I would bet this was a determining factor.
I am SO sorry to hear about your unfortunate situation. My fiance won't be able to be here for our first child's birth because of his basic training length and his leave date. If you ever need anyone to talk to, i am here for you. I understand.
I'm in the same boat I'm 35 weeks pregnant tomorrow and my boyfriend was suppose to be home on November 14 ten days before my due date but got sent to MRP and will not be home until late January everyone can judge and say he obviously knew you were pregnant when he left and you knew you would be alone and in the beginning you think you can do because you have him supporting you but when he leaves that's when the fear comes realizing your going to be alone that's where I am right now as well I'm terrified to go into labor and even though my sister will be there it will not be there same...
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Her dh chose his ship date at MEPS. The recruiter (or anyone who has been in the military, including her own parents!) would've told them there is no communication during boot. Due to this lack of communication and the information she has posted, we can also say that they both knew that he wouldn't be home before November BEFORE he left. 
