Has anyone here regretted moving back to Minneapolis? (Grant: fit in, apartment)

[SForMNLee]

Hi, I'm new here, but have been lurking for a while. Last year, I moved from Minneapolis to San Francsico. It's been a really nice change of pace. The weather out here is great, there are tons of interesting things to see, the "big city" life is very interesting.

BUT, I don't really know if we fit in here and if we should stay. We haven't made any friends in almost a year. I'll never make enough to buy a house here. For what I pay for a 1 bedroom apartment, I could have a house and 2 cars back in Mpls. Plus we have friends in Mpls, family all over Minnesota, and more family in Florida which is much closer to Mpls.

Also, we love the outdoors and going camping. There are a lot of great things to do and places to see out here in CA for this, but they are usually incredibly crowded and difficult to reserve because of the higher population in the state.

Am I crazy for thinking of moving back? The cold winters are a real drag. It's not so much that I mind cold weather, it's the depression that goes along with it. Most people I've met in MN hate the cold and complain about it. This leads to that negative spiral that doesn't go away until June.

Or am I crazy to stay? All rational thought points to going back to MN where I can make a decent income and afford to live comfortably and travel regularly. It's just so fricking cold...

Anybody else in the same boat?

[Glenfield]

You know the answer. There's something to be said for being near friends and family, and for not spending so much money on rent. You've lived here, so you know what you have to do in the winter: dress properly and get involved in an outdoor sport or two. We took up snowshoeing this year. It's great fun and great exercise, and can provide some very peaceful encounters with nature. C'mon back.

[SForMNLee]

Yeah I know. Like I said, it's the rational decision.

I think the hardest part is that I look at the next 10 years of my life. On one hand I feel like I'm on a pretty cool adventure out here and could keep doing it forever. On the other, I feel like if I go back, I could spend those next 10 years really growing the friendships that I had in Mpls over the past 6 years. (I moved to Mpls in 2008) I could have a pretty nice life back there, but I also feel like I'd be "giving up" on something by moving back...

[bler144]

Originally Posted by SForMNLee

but I also feel like I'd be "giving up" on something by moving back...

You're flirting with a concept that in economics/finance is referred to as 'sunk cost.'

You can read about it at length, but here's one example of how people like to co-opt the concept for issues that aren't purely fiscal: How the Sunk Cost Fallacy Makes You Act Stupid.

The basic point is that the last year of your life is spent whether you stay or go. You're not getting that back either way, even if emotionally it's tugging on you (whether b/c you want it to 'mean' something or b/c of unspoken concern you or other judges will view walking away as a 'failure').

The point is to try and think rationally about the current/future pros and cons of the options on the table for making as good a decision as is reasonably possible for going forward. And if you do walk away, it's not a failure. It was an experiment you tried and decided it wasn't for you. We all make lots of those in our lifetime, even something as simple as trying a new cereal.

But before you set your mind to a move make sure you're really thinking about the pros/cons of both options (or even an option C not yet on the table), not just struggling emotionally with the transition to a new place and in a reverse-honeymoon. It certainly can't be a surprise that housing in coastal CA is more expensive.

[SForMNLee]

It's not so much about giving up the past year of my life. It's more about giving up the idea that there is something "better" out there. I've spent most of my life thinking that I was destined to go to a bigger city or a cooler place. Basically I always felt like I was waiting for something to happen so I could really be happy.

But then I did make something happen. And I've realized that I'm just as happy as before, but now miss the people I spent time with while I was back in MN.

Now, my big worry is that if I go back, I won't be happy either. I know it's about me and not just the place, but I feel like I need to make a decision between the people I know in MN or the great city of SF. It's a tough choice.

[StilltheSame]

Many people who move to MN and discuss the alienation by not being close to family and friends are heartily criticized by so many of the members on this board. However, being on the receiving end is not so pleasant. San Fran is a difficult city to make friends and based upon your post OP I would consider moving back or another city that more align with your likes. While family and friends are incredibly important, life is an adventure and living in different places with different experiences I believe provides enrichment. Simply because San Fran was not for you, does not mean you cannot find happiness elsewhere - or maybe it is time to come home.

[uptown_urbanist]

Former SF resident here! I would happily move back. I don't think we're MN lifers, much as I think this is a great place and has much to offer many people. I miss California and its diversity in every way -- people, landscape, food, history, architecture, etc. And it's still much easier to live there without a car. I don't regret moving back -- it was the right choice for us at the time -- but I do wish we were still in CA.

That said, there is much about Minneapolis I do enjoy; cost of living is obviously right up there at the top, but I also like being near family. I also like the summer weather more; summers where we lived in the Bay Area (SF and then Alameda) were not all that warm, and I missed the heat and the big summer storms. In MN I do appreciate not having to worry about earthquakes!

I don't think there is any one right answer. You may find you appreciate Minnesota more if you move back. You may find that you find yourself missing CA. If you need a change but aren't yet ready to make the move back, you could always move within the Bay Area, or even within the city itself. Even more so than in the Twin Cities, I think, there are dramatic differences between neighborhoods in the Bay Area, even though they may be located just miles (or less!) apart. I think some locations are easier for making friends than others, too.

P.S. Check out Lassen. It's 5 1/2 hours or so from SF, but has amazing scenery and is relatively quiet even at the height of summer. We have managed to get last-minute reservations on peak weekends, although for the most popular spots or camp sites within the park itself I assume that's tougher. (and if you're looking to cut your housing costs, our rental in Alameda was SO much cheaper than our place in the city of SF; I still preferred our city neighborhood, but Alameda is pretty awesome, too, and still more urban and walkable in many parts than most of Minneapolis.)

[Minntoaz]

Been there. I can't tell you how many times I've planned on visiting with intentions of just moving back to MN. Looking back it's kind of a miracle I've stayed here in Phoenix 6.5 years but then again it's all come together and I wouldn't have it any other way. Has it been hard and have many tears been shed? Yes. Has it grown me more as an individual than if I'd not of moved? Ten fold. Granted I'm not in one of the most expensive cities in the country so that part of it doesn't really apply (Phoenix is actually cheaper than minneapolis which is another reason I stayed here during college).

I can now say that it's out of my system and if not in the next two months then we will back in the next five years. I can say that if you have reservations then I don't think it's time to move back to MN yet but then again I've said from the beginning I missed MN and I still do. It's literally one of the best places in this country. I've been to a handful of states and major cities and they just don't compare.

[StilltheSame]

OP. - if and when you get back, share your memories of what it's like to be new to an area and trying to build relationships. At least San Fran has more relos vs people who are proud if not letting newcomers in but cannot emphasize with being new to a area because they'll never live anywhere else (despite an entire world out there to experience). Good for you experiencing something new if you miss home and really think it's time to head home - do what feels right.

[tigra002]

I left Minnesota for Atlanta. After 5 years and a baby, I moved back to MN to be near family and good schools. I have never acclimated to the weather and I get more and more miserable every year. I yearn to be outside and I just can't do that comfortably for 5-6 months a year here. I know some people that love the cold and want to ice fish, ski, sled, etc. but I am not one of those people. I am bitter that I live in a place that makes me depressed each and every year. Now it's hard to leave because I have 3 kids, a great job, a house and school that I love, and lots of family. It's so hard to uproot at this point but I think I am finally ready to do just that.
I agree with everyone that it is really just a personal decision. Many many people love it here and would not consider leaving.