06-16-2015, 12:16 PM
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I am an attractive Asian woman who is attracted to white men, but I'm having a hard time attracting them. I notice that there is not a lot of interracial dating in MN, even in the Twin Cities area. If I go even 5 minutes outside of the Twin Cities and its surrounding suburbs, then it gets worse. I love going up north, but I get the most unpleasant stares ever.
I didn't have the same problem when I lived in NY or CA. I would like to move some place where diversity is more welcomed and perhaps I'll meet a nice white/caucasian man, but current circumstances will not allow it. I'm open to other races, but I'm just more attracted to white men.
I also tried online dating, but I've never seen so many profiles that state they only want white. The ones that don't state it will immediately block me. Yep, all here in the Twin Cities.
06-16-2015, 02:34 PM
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Your experience really surprises me, as the Twin Cities actually has a reputation for interracial dating, both historically and also today. I know a ton of people who have dated or married people of different races, and white men/asian women couples are not exactly uncommon.
then again, you can't really complain about people not wanting to date you because of your race when it sounds like you're just as guilty of choosing your dates by their physical appearance.
06-16-2015, 08:34 PM
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I'm a white male and I would prefer to date outside of my race. Kind of funny because I actually prefer Asian and I've had the same concerns about Asian females as you have about white men.
I guess the point is, no not all prefer to stay within their race.
06-16-2015, 09:14 PM
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I'm a white male and have dated outside of my immediate /ethic group--though I could some plenty more dates, regardless of race, ethnicity....but I digress!
To the OP's observations/question. Minneapolis/St Paul isn't an especially diverse city. It's not the boroughs of NY or CA. My arm-chair sociology suggests that some, hopefully small, percent of the white men you've reached out to are out right bigots with a neanderthal's ideal of women in general, to say nothing of race and/or ethnicity.
A far larger percentage of white Minnesota men probably are afraid of accidentally saying something stupid and potentially offensive because they have little experience with talking w/ ppl outside their immediate milieu.
Probably even more important: this is a chilly place socially, especially among the 'whites.'
When I commute to work, I take one of the more diverse bus routes to work. When chatting w/ passengers they sometimes (assuming I'm a native Minneasota based on my racial characteristics and Midwestern speech) will ask me questions that, in ways, echo your post's concerns. The truth is well over 90 percent of my social interactions--unless I'm at work or handing over ducats to a 'native' white cashier--are with ppl from outside Minnesota, regardless of race, nationality, ethnicity.
It's not a very friendly place, in that way. My advice would be try to focus on events, groups, activities that have a lot of transplants. Maybe try socializing in areas that are more diverse, i.e., near south Minneapolis neighborhoods such as West Bank, Steward, Whitter, and Powderhorn. You will see a lot less white men but the ones you see might be less nineteenth century and more open to you. Best of luck and don't let it get you down; it's not a bad town just not a great place to date
06-17-2015, 02:48 AM
Location: MPLS
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Quote:
Originally Posted by
montymontage
"A far larger percentage of white Minnesota men probably are afraid of accidentally saying something stupid and potentially offensive because they have little experience with talking w/ ppl outside their immediate milieu."
I suppose that's possible if you're over 40 and/or live outside of the Metro.
Quote:
"Probably even more important: this is a chilly place socially, especially among the 'whites.'"
Entirely contingent upon one's status as a native or a transplant. Among many of us in the former group, Minnesota is home in every sense imaginable -- our friends/family cluster around us like a warm cocoon, and we spend time together quite often. Even the folks who move away almost inevitably return. At a friend's wedding a few months back, he was one of the few AAs in attendance; the bride was white, as was the best man, who hails from a prominent family of German farmers that settled in the area more than a century ago. Point being, the biggest cleavage isn't white/nonwhite -- it's native/transplant.
06-17-2015, 08:54 AM
Location: Minneapolis
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I'm extremely surprised by this. Although I'm personally a few decades removed from the dating scene, none of the young White men I know would be inclined to reject an attractive Asian woman as a dating partner. In fact, to the extent that I'm aware of their dating preferences, Asian women are usually at the top of the list.
06-17-2015, 03:51 PM
Location: Tampa, FL- For NOW
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I was born and raised in MN and actually dated several Asian Women between my late teenage years and mid 20s. I didn't think of it as an "outside of my own race" thing. For me it was simply an attraction that formed because of who I was hanging around with. And at the times I dated those women, it wasn't looked down on or thought weird of. I don't think it was that uncommon, maybe since youre not having a lot of luck dating, it just seems like a stereotype. I say hang in there. Don't try so hard to date "White Guys" just date Guys. I can't imagine people being that judgmental on race/attraction in Minnesota.
Here is one thing to consider though when you talk about going out further. Being born and raised there I know the culture there. We were born and raised to hang with the people we know and we tend to have large circles of friends. So its not that they wouldn't date an asian girl, its really just a thing where its tough to get into their sphere. We tended to date our friends a lot if you know what I mean. We all hung out so much and so often, we didn't have time for newbies. So maybe just take it slow, build some relationships first. After you build trust with some of the guys, then approach the subject.
Im sure you will be fine. good luck, stay beautiful!
06-17-2015, 07:15 PM
Location: Minneapolis
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Quote:
Originally Posted by
rtloucks
We tended to date our friends a lot if you know what I mean. We all hung out so much and so often, we didn't have time for newbies. So maybe just take it slow, build some relationships first. After you build trust with some of the guys, then approach the subject.
Meanwhile as life passes her by...
@ OP
I would sign up/join/volunteer for as many activities as you can so you can meet more people. As a non-native Minnesotan it is truly depressing at times how difficult it is to make new friends here. Most of my friends here are also non-natives. Yes there are a lot of interracial couples but pretty much in the metro. My gf and I are an example. But she's from Seattle. I had to outsource.
Minnesotans are really nice folks but a lot of them have poor skills when it comes to meeting new people. I introduced my gf to my boss at a holiday party and she (my boss) and her husband just *stood there*. WTF. One of the most awkward experiences I ever had, but typical in Minnesota.
Join a film club/book club/cooking class/wine club WHATEVER IT TAKES. Hopefully you'll make some connections and go from there.
06-20-2015, 06:55 AM
Location: Tampa, FL- For NOW
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Quote:
Originally Posted by
wushuliu
Meanwhile as life passes her by...
Minnesotans are really nice folks but a lot of them have poor skills when it comes to meeting new people. I introduced my gf to my boss at a holiday party and she (my boss) and her husband just *stood there*. WTF. One of the most awkward experiences I ever had, but typical in Minnesota.
I have to disagree with part. Completely opposite if anything. We were always very good at meeting people because of how outgoing and friendly we all are. Its not a matter of "poor skills" it's a matter of not letting anyone and everyone into our circles. it goes back to what I was saying earlier. We are very accepting people, we are very friendly, but our trust is earned through time. People in MN that were born and raised in the area have very traditional values.
06-20-2015, 08:25 AM
Location: Southern MN
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I believe for generational Minnesotans what we are discussing is cultural. For many years I assumed it had something to do with the nature of Northern Europeans but then I got to know relatives from the "old country" and started to rethink it.
I think some of this reserve may be an artifact of the immigration experience. These were people for whom it was important to fit it and not look different. They were careful not to expose too much of themselves for fear of not seeming sufficiently in the mainstream.
From the family stories I've been told they were subject to ridicule and considered backwards and gullible by the people who were already here. And often they were taken advantage of.
I wonder how much of that caution has been passed down and is the sort of "reserve" people notice in Minnesotans.
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People in Group quarters - Orthopedic wards and institutions for the physically handicapped (%)
People in Group quarters - Wards in general hospitals for patients who have no usual home elsewhere (%)
People in Group quarters - Wards in military hospitals for patients who have no usual home elsewhere (%)
People in Group quarters - Juvenile institutions (%)
People in Group quarters - Long-term care (%)
People in Group quarters - Homes for abused, dependent, and neglected children (%)
People in Group quarters - Residential treatment centers for emotionally disturbed children (%)
People in Group quarters - Training schools for juvenile delinquents (%)
People in Group quarters - Short-term care, detention or diagnostic centers for delinquent children (%)
People in Group quarters - Type of juvenile institution unknown (%)
People in Group quarters - Noninstitutionalized population (%)
People in Group quarters - College dormitories (includes college quarters off campus) (%)
People in Group quarters - Military quarters (%)
People in Group quarters - On base (%)
People in Group quarters - Barracks, unaccompanied personnel housing (UPH), (Enlisted/Officer), ;and similar group living quarters for military personnel (%)
People in Group quarters - Transient quarters for temporary residents (%)
People in Group quarters - Military ships (%)
People in Group quarters - Group homes (%)
People in Group quarters - Homes or halfway houses for drug/alcohol abuse (%)
People in Group quarters - Homes for the mentally ill (%)
People in Group quarters - Homes for the mentally retarded (%)
People in Group quarters - Homes for the physically handicapped (%)
People in Group quarters - Other group homes (%)
People in Group quarters - Religious group quarters (%)
People in Group quarters - Dormitories (%)
People in Group quarters - Agriculture workers' dormitories on farms (%)
People in Group quarters - Job Corps and vocational training facilities (%)
People in Group quarters - Other workers' dormitories (%)
People in Group quarters - Crews of maritime vessels (%)
People in Group quarters - Other nonhousehold living situations (%)
People in Group quarters - Other noninstitutional group quarters (%)
Residents speaking English at home (%)
Residents speaking English at home - Born in the United States (%)
Residents speaking English at home - Native, born elsewhere (%)
Residents speaking English at home - Foreign born (%)
Residents speaking Spanish at home (%)
Residents speaking Spanish at home - Born in the United States (%)
Residents speaking Spanish at home - Native, born elsewhere (%)
Residents speaking Spanish at home - Foreign born (%)
Residents speaking other language at home (%)
Residents speaking other language at home - Born in the United States (%)
Residents speaking other language at home - Native, born elsewhere (%)
Residents speaking other language at home - Foreign born (%)
Class of Workers - Employee of private company (%)
Class of Workers - Self-employed in own incorporated business (%)
Class of Workers - Private not-for-profit wage and salary workers (%)
Class of Workers - Local government workers (%)
Class of Workers - State government workers (%)
Class of Workers - Federal government workers (%)
Class of Workers - Self-employed workers in own not incorporated business and Unpaid family workers (%)
House heating fuel used in houses and condos - Utility gas (%)
House heating fuel used in houses and condos - Bottled, tank, or LP gas (%)
House heating fuel used in houses and condos - Electricity (%)
House heating fuel used in houses and condos - Fuel oil, kerosene, etc. (%)
House heating fuel used in houses and condos - Coal or coke (%)
House heating fuel used in houses and condos - Wood (%)
House heating fuel used in houses and condos - Solar energy (%)
House heating fuel used in houses and condos - Other fuel (%)
House heating fuel used in houses and condos - No fuel used (%)
House heating fuel used in apartments - Utility gas (%)
House heating fuel used in apartments - Bottled, tank, or LP gas (%)
House heating fuel used in apartments - Electricity (%)
House heating fuel used in apartments - Fuel oil, kerosene, etc. (%)
House heating fuel used in apartments - Coal or coke (%)
House heating fuel used in apartments - Wood (%)
House heating fuel used in apartments - Solar energy (%)
House heating fuel used in apartments - Other fuel (%)
House heating fuel used in apartments - No fuel used (%)
Armed forces status - In Armed Forces (%)
Armed forces status - Civilian (%)
Armed forces status - Civilian - Veteran (%)
Armed forces status - Civilian - Nonveteran (%)
Fatal accidents locations in years 2005-2021
Fatal accidents locations in 2005
Fatal accidents locations in 2006
Fatal accidents locations in 2007
Fatal accidents locations in 2008
Fatal accidents locations in 2009
Fatal accidents locations in 2010
Fatal accidents locations in 2011
Fatal accidents locations in 2012
Fatal accidents locations in 2013
Fatal accidents locations in 2014
Fatal accidents locations in 2015
Fatal accidents locations in 2016
Fatal accidents locations in 2017
Fatal accidents locations in 2018
Fatal accidents locations in 2019
Fatal accidents locations in 2020
Fatal accidents locations in 2021
Alcohol use - People drinking some alcohol every month (%)
Alcohol use - People not drinking at all (%)
Alcohol use - Average days/month drinking alcohol
Alcohol use - Average drinks/week
Alcohol use - Average days/year people drink much
Audiometry - Average condition of hearing (%)
Audiometry - People that can hear a whisper from across a quiet room (%)
Audiometry - People that can hear normal voice from across a quiet room (%)
Audiometry - Ears ringing, roaring, buzzing (%)
Audiometry - Had a job exposure to loud noise (%)
Audiometry - Had off-work exposure to loud noise (%)
Blood Pressure & Cholesterol - Has high blood pressure (%)
Blood Pressure & Cholesterol - Checking blood pressure at home (%)
Blood Pressure & Cholesterol - Frequently checking blood cholesterol (%)
Blood Pressure & Cholesterol - Has high cholesterol level (%)
Consumer Behavior - Money monthly spent on food at supermarket/grocery store
Consumer Behavior - Money monthly spent on food at other stores
Consumer Behavior - Money monthly spent on eating out
Consumer Behavior - Money monthly spent on carryout/delivered foods
Consumer Behavior - Income spent on food at supermarket/grocery store (%)
Consumer Behavior - Income spent on food at other stores (%)
Consumer Behavior - Income spent on eating out (%)
Consumer Behavior - Income spent on carryout/delivered foods (%)
Current Health Status - General health condition (%)
Current Health Status - Blood donors (%)
Current Health Status - Has blood ever tested for HIV virus (%)
Current Health Status - Left-handed people (%)
Dermatology - People using sunscreen (%)
Diabetes - Diabetics (%)
Diabetes - Had a blood test for high blood sugar (%)
Diabetes - People taking insulin (%)
Diet Behavior & Nutrition - Diet health (%)
Diet Behavior & Nutrition - Milk product consumption (# of products/month)
Diet Behavior & Nutrition - Meals not home prepared (#/week)
Diet Behavior & Nutrition - Meals from fast food or pizza place (#/week)
Diet Behavior & Nutrition - Ready-to-eat foods (#/month)
Diet Behavior & Nutrition - Frozen meals/pizza (#/month)
Drug Use - People that ever used marijuana or hashish (%)
Drug Use - Ever used hard drugs (%)
Drug Use - Ever used any form of cocaine (%)
Drug Use - Ever used heroin (%)
Drug Use - Ever used methamphetamine (%)
Health Insurance - People covered by health insurance (%)
Kidney Conditions-Urology - Avg. # of times urinating at night
Medical Conditions - People with asthma (%)
Medical Conditions - People with anemia (%)
Medical Conditions - People with psoriasis (%)
Medical Conditions - People with overweight (%)
Medical Conditions - Elderly people having difficulties in thinking or remembering (%)
Medical Conditions - People who ever received blood transfusion (%)
Medical Conditions - People having trouble seeing even with glass/contacts (%)
Medical Conditions - People with arthritis (%)
Medical Conditions - People with gout (%)
Medical Conditions - People with congestive heart failure (%)
Medical Conditions - People with coronary heart disease (%)
Medical Conditions - People with angina pectoris (%)
Medical Conditions - People who ever had heart attack (%)
Medical Conditions - People who ever had stroke (%)
Medical Conditions - People with emphysema (%)
Medical Conditions - People with thyroid problem (%)
Medical Conditions - People with chronic bronchitis (%)
Medical Conditions - People with any liver condition (%)
Medical Conditions - People who ever had cancer or malignancy (%)
Mental Health - People who have little interest in doing things (%)
Mental Health - People feeling down, depressed, or hopeless (%)
Mental Health - People who have trouble sleeping or sleeping too much (%)
Mental Health - People feeling tired or having little energy (%)
Mental Health - People with poor appetite or overeating (%)
Mental Health - People feeling bad about themself (%)
Mental Health - People who have trouble concentrating on things (%)
Mental Health - People moving or speaking slowly or too fast (%)
Mental Health - People having thoughts they would be better off dead (%)
Oral Health - Average years since last visit a dentist
Oral Health - People embarrassed because of mouth (%)
Oral Health - People with gum disease (%)
Oral Health - General health of teeth and gums (%)
Oral Health - Average days a week using dental floss/device
Oral Health - Average days a week using mouthwash for dental problem
Oral Health - Average number of teeth
Pesticide Use - Households using pesticides to control insects (%)
Pesticide Use - Households using pesticides to kill weeds (%)
Physical Activity - People doing vigorous-intensity work activities (%)
Physical Activity - People doing moderate-intensity work activities (%)
Physical Activity - People walking or bicycling (%)
Physical Activity - People doing vigorous-intensity recreational activities (%)
Physical Activity - People doing moderate-intensity recreational activities (%)
Physical Activity - Average hours a day doing sedentary activities
Physical Activity - Average hours a day watching TV or videos
Physical Activity - Average hours a day using computer
Physical Functioning - People having limitations keeping them from working (%)
Physical Functioning - People limited in amount of work they can do (%)
Physical Functioning - People that need special equipment to walk (%)
Physical Functioning - People experiencing confusion/memory problems (%)
Physical Functioning - People requiring special healthcare equipment (%)
Prescription Medications - Average number of prescription medicines taking
Preventive Aspirin Use - Adults 40+ taking low-dose aspirin (%)
Reproductive Health - Vaginal deliveries (%)
Reproductive Health - Cesarean deliveries (%)
Reproductive Health - Deliveries resulted in a live birth (%)
Reproductive Health - Pregnancies resulted in a delivery (%)
Reproductive Health - Women breastfeeding newborns (%)
Reproductive Health - Women that had a hysterectomy (%)
Reproductive Health - Women that had both ovaries removed (%)
Reproductive Health - Women that have ever taken birth control pills (%)
Reproductive Health - Women taking birth control pills (%)
Reproductive Health - Women that have ever used Depo-Provera or injectables (%)
Reproductive Health - Women that have ever used female hormones (%)
Sexual Behavior - People 18+ that ever had sex (vaginal, anal, or oral) (%)
Sexual Behavior - Males 18+ that ever had vaginal sex with a woman (%)
Sexual Behavior - Males 18+ that ever performed oral sex on a woman (%)
Sexual Behavior - Males 18+ that ever had anal sex with a woman (%)
Sexual Behavior - Males 18+ that ever had any sex with a man (%)
Sexual Behavior - Females 18+ that ever had vaginal sex with a man (%)
Sexual Behavior - Females 18+ that ever performed oral sex on a man (%)
Sexual Behavior - Females 18+ that ever had anal sex with a man (%)
Sexual Behavior - Females 18+ that ever had any kind of sex with a woman (%)
Sexual Behavior - Average age people first had sex
Sexual Behavior - Average number of female sex partners in lifetime (males 18+)
Sexual Behavior - Average number of female vaginal sex partners in lifetime (males 18+)
Sexual Behavior - Average age people first performed oral sex on a woman (18+)
Sexual Behavior - Average number of woman performed oral sex on in lifetime (18+)
Sexual Behavior - Average number of male sex partners in lifetime (males 18+)
Sexual Behavior - Average number of male anal sex partners in lifetime (males 18+)
Sexual Behavior - Average age people first performed oral sex on a man (18+)
Sexual Behavior - Average number of male oral sex partners in lifetime (18+)
Sexual Behavior - People using protection when performing oral sex (%)
Sexual Behavior - Average number of times people have vaginal or anal sex a year
Sexual Behavior - People having sex without condom (%)
Sexual Behavior - Average number of male sex partners in lifetime (females 18+)
Sexual Behavior - Average number of male vaginal sex partners in lifetime (females 18+)
Sexual Behavior - Average number of female sex partners in lifetime (females 18+)
Sexual Behavior - Circumcised males 18+ (%)
Sleep Disorders - Average hours sleeping at night
Sleep Disorders - People that has trouble sleeping (%)
Smoking-Cigarette Use - People smoking cigarettes (%)
Taste & Smell - People 40+ having problems with smell (%)
Taste & Smell - People 40+ having problems with taste (%)
Taste & Smell - People 40+ that ever had wisdom teeth removed (%)
Taste & Smell - People 40+ that ever had tonsils teeth removed (%)
Taste & Smell - People 40+ that ever had a loss of consciousness because of a head injury (%)
Taste & Smell - People 40+ that ever had a broken nose or other serious injury to face or skull (%)
Taste & Smell - People 40+ that ever had two or more sinus infections (%)
Weight - Average height (inches)
Weight - Average weight (pounds)
Weight - Average BMI
Weight - People that are obese (%)
Weight - People that ever were obese (%)
Weight - People trying to lose weight (%)