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Being a resident of 4 whole days in Minnesota, I already see what some describe as "Minnesota Nice." Most of my life experience is from the state of Texas, so that's what I'm comparing it to. Texans are quick to invite you to get-togethers and BBQs; almost fanatical in a way. Here, in Minnesota, they wave to you, maybe have a short conversation, and then run to their house as soon as possible.
However, what I notice, is that people from Minnesota are very comfortable being by themselves. We have gone to lakes, parks, beaches, etc. and I see people going alone. They are happy to read their book or just relax in peace, not conversing with anyone. We will go to a beach on a lake with upwards of 30 people and it will be silent. Half the people are reading, many are by themselves or just with a partner. No one is yelling or being loud. It's serene, but eerie in a way.
In Texas, if you just go somewhere on your own, or without a big group, it's embarrassing. I'm used to big groups, people yelling, kids running around screaming, etc. Here, people are just fine going places on their own.
People here are also rule-followers, which is nice, but also weird at that same time. I'm afraid someone is going to report me for not following the rules of the community. On the flip side, I've never seen a place so clean and quiet. It's very enjoyable.
From my whole 4 days of experience, Minnesota seems great if you are okay on your own, enjoying your pastimes with you and your family. If you are coming here to make friends as an adult, I'm not sure you would feel the same.
I feel like that's a fair description. You'll see it on buses too. Everyone is dead silent on the metro transit buses. Every time I travel to the east coast for work and I ride the airport shuttle bus, there is constant conversation going on about why people are traveling, for how long, etc.
But's it's more complex than "rule following." MN Nice is: always taking the path least likely to make waves. There, I said it. If Minnesotans were rule followers, they would actually do the zipper merge and aid in the flow or traffic. But instead, they all back up 1 of the 2 merging lanes in fear they make waves by actually merging at the sign. I also see this with 1 person bathrooms. If the 1 person men's bathroom is full, I will use the women's, as I refuse to let a resource go to waste when I have to pee. But I've seen lines, 5 people deep, patiently waiting to use their bathroom even when there is a perfectly good and open bathroom labeled for the opposite sex right next to them. Is this efficient......no, but it prevents them from making any waves. Meanwhile the rest of the country rides the shoulder, gets up to speed when merging, and yes.....uses the open bathroom. I say this all in jest, as I was born on the east coast, but now call MN home and love it here. I can appreciate and laugh at the pros and cons of every area.
There is a very small group in my neighborhood that fights to meet other neighbors, but we are definitely going against the grain. Just last week someone invited the entire neighborhood's kids to do a lap around the lake as a sort of informal 4th of July "parade" for the kids. Like 3 families showed up. It was embarrassing. Summer informal meeting for muffins and coffee in neighbors driveway........same 3 families show up. It's definitely tough for born and raised east coaster like me. But we mostly hear of the negatives of MN nice (passive aggressive), you did a nice job describing a few of the positives.
Last edited by Citykid3785; 07-05-2017 at 07:10 AM..
We have lived here for 8 years. Unless it was my friend (also from Fl) or us hosting, never been invited to a 4th party. No problem with having attendees at ours though.SMH
We have lived here for 8 years. Unless it was my friend (also from Fl) or us hosting, never been invited to a 4th party. No problem with having attendees at ours though.SMH
The best advice I received from a friend......."if you're waiting for them to shake your hand first, you're going about it all wrong." As much as I hate that truth (the burden for handshaking should fall on the host, the veteran, the one who has always lived there, etc.), it's a good reminder that right or wrong I need to be the aggressor here. This is coming from a guy who has moved twice in MN and never been welcomed to the neighborhood.
The best advice I received from a friend......."if you're waiting for them to shake your hand first, you're going about it all wrong." As much as I hate that truth (the burden for handshaking should fall on the host, the veteran, the one who has always lived there, etc.), it's a good reminder that right or wrong I need to be the aggressor here. This is coming from a guy who has moved twice in MN and never been welcomed to the neighborhood.
Agreed. Two neighbors lost spouses this year. We invited them both over for the 4th and will for Labor Day. One is elderly. The other is not. Both were very grateful and we had a lovely afternoon/evening. They also met each other for the first time (they live on different blocks). It's sad to me that no one else reached out to share the holiday with them. That can be really disheartening to feel so alone.
Interesting take. Even though I'm an extrovert, those are sometimes nice qualities in the personality of a city's people. And I don't think the people of Minneapolis are so different that someone who is used to meeting people easily would completely struggle there. Maybe you would have to put more effort in, but I've always found things like this to be overrated. You hear about them, and once you experience it, you find them to be completely exaggerated.
We still feel new here (about 6 months in) and this is close to some of our interactions.
Many nice people here and I think we can build opportunities to connect better than we have, but the impulse to be communal seems very faint compared to most places we have lived. People do seem to be sticking to who they know and especially longer term residents.
A recent conversation about block parties on another forum was illuminating with a large number of local people (not all) thinking welcoming people from other blocks to a block party was far out of the norm. Most people from other places were saying that block parties are for whoever comes. I don't have a critique of those whose experience is different except to note that I really hadn't seen the closed system before after living in FL, GA, TX, and CA.
We've also found very limited parent interaction in some of our school and extracurricular activities. This is a VERY limited perspective, but in other places, parents have really worked together to do some social interaction attached to teams, performance groups, activities. When I mentioned that here, a parent said, "You can do that if you want, but you only have one kid." This was nicer and more jokey than it reads, but given that our team had no social interaction at all and that most teams we have been a part of in other places plan thank yous for the coach, victory get togethers, end of year things, etc. it was just, well different. Same for the PTA(O) at both schools we have been at. Just very limited opportunities to jump in, connect, etc. I know that is definitely not the way all schools are, but I can say it's pretty much super rare where we've lived before.
I'm considering taking some time to build our own social groups based on some of our interests, as we've really had trouble connecting.
As for rule-following, I can see that a bit too and would extend it to direct, critical conversation. The person above who mentioned making waves was dead on in my experience (again, pretty limited). When we have had direct conversations about challenging topics in group settings (things that seem relatively mild to me), folks have commented that they were super glad someone spoke up as that is not their way. That is also very different than where we have been.
To be specific, I don't expect every place we have been to be the same. I like it here quite a bit and am figuring it all out. There is so much to be said for learning where we are and creating what we need. But this is definitely an adjustment.
Last edited by considering; 07-10-2017 at 11:36 AM..
Dead on, IMHO. The friendliest people I've met in Denver are from TX and the strangest / nastiest are from MN (or other parts of the Upper Midwest.) As someone from the Northeast, we CLEARLY don't align on most values. We're direct and straightforward and if you try to backstab us you'll get yelled at and cursed out. If that person happens to be someone from MN, they'll just run away with a deer in headlights look to avoid confrontation.
This should come as no surprise as I used to work for a company based there and they played all sorts of games with the remote offices. All the good people got forced out or quit and all the backstabbing liars are still there.
OP, as someone who grew up in central-northern MN and lived in the twin cities most recently (after having lived in AZ for 6 years) I can assure you Fourth of July week in the twin cities is not a good time to assess how MN really is. Essentially The whole state takes the week off around Fourth of July and heads the heck out of the twin cities. We stayed in the cities last year and honestly felt like losers and I quickly realized why everyone leaves. It's lame as heck to be in the city whilst everyone else is out of town on the lakes. Now I understand not everyone has that luxury but it's just what most people do. Even if means camping on the cheap.
Since I'm a Minnesotan by and by I can say that yes we take a while to warm up but it'll come as long as you're a decent person. I can also say that most people don't run into their homes after a discussion in fact it's quite the opposite and usually the goodbye lingers for like Thirty minutes. It could honestly be your body language and eye contact. After living in AZ I was used to the very direct eye contact and assertive body language and was wondering why people weren't as receptive... well that's not how most midwerterners communicate.
Also don't mistake Minnesotans for passive. I know for myself and others... if you cross that fine line we will quickly assert ourselves. We just choose our battles and recently I read a study that stated Minnesotans are the most laid back. We don't have much to stress over, it's a great place to live.
Being a resident of 4 whole days in Minnesota, I already see what some describe as "Minnesota Nice." Most of my life experience is from the state of Texas, so that's what I'm comparing it to. Texans are quick to invite you to get-togethers and BBQs; almost fanatical in a way. Here, in Minnesota, they wave to you, maybe have a short conversation, and then run to their house as soon as possible.
However, what I notice, is that people from Minnesota are very comfortable being by themselves. We have gone to lakes, parks, beaches, etc. and I see people going alone. They are happy to read their book or just relax in peace, not conversing with anyone. We will go to a beach on a lake with upwards of 30 people and it will be silent. Half the people are reading, many are by themselves or just with a partner. No one is yelling or being loud. It's serene, but eerie in a way.
In Texas, if you just go somewhere on your own, or without a big group, it's embarrassing. I'm used to big groups, people yelling, kids running around screaming, etc. Here, people are just fine going places on their own.
People here are also rule-followers, which is nice, but also weird at that same time. I'm afraid someone is going to report me for not following the rules of the community. On the flip side, I've never seen a place so clean and quiet. It's very enjoyable.
From my whole 4 days of experience, Minnesota seems great if you are okay on your own, enjoying your pastimes with you and your family. If you are coming here to make friends as an adult, I'm not sure you would feel the same.
This is the best assessment of the Minnesota character I have seen on these boards.
(As a flaming introvert, this is why I like Minnesota.)
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