Help on ways to make friends in Minneapolis (St. Paul: how much, buy)

[Citykid3785]

Originally Posted by WoodburyWoody

Same as it was when I moved to Los Angeles.

Same as it was when I moved to Seattle.

Same as it was when I moved here.

Adults are busy. They have jobs, mortgages, sometimes kids, sometimes pets, sometimes caring for elderly relatives, sometimes having to work side gigs.

And, even in their 20s or 30s, they are in less similar stages of their lives than their peers which is unlike, say, college or the military where you are all about the same age, similar life events thus far (not experiences, but events along the way), same shared history outside of themselves (where were you when Lady Gag did x or remember the third Harry Potter book or the Frozen movie (that one might be held closer to the vest in the military)), even similar socio-economic backgrounds and politics.

Sure, it does not help that many people who grew up here stay (in my case, most in my generation had to leave after high school or college because there were no jobs .... not an issue in the Twin Cities for decades at a minimum).

IMO, it is not what it is made out to be here in the media and on forums. It is like the "rude New Yorker" (myth dispelled if you travel to New York City).

Get out amongst those who share similar interests. Worse case scenario, find a group of transplants and kvetch about the locals.

Welcome to the Twin Cities.

Certainly the Twin Cities has a bent towards insularity, but you are correct.....there's not a single locale where making friends isn't work, and often several years of work to build up a good, well-rounded foundation. And that work typically always involves one or both parties taking a risk.....a risk that the meetup is lame, a risk that the person has the opposite values, a risk that they move away in 6 months, a risk that they get flaky on you, etc. I have found that those who take the most risks in the quickest time make the most progress.

As an introvert, I hate the feeling of that first text asking another buddy to hang out, not knowing their preferences, taking some guesses, etc. ("do they like beer? is 8pm on a school night too late to meet? are they willing to drive a little bit to get there? etc."). But once you start clicking, I almost always think to myself "man, why didn't I reach out sooner?"

[treemoni]

New Yorkers being blunt does make them "rude" from the perspective of people who are not that way. New Yorkers could tell I wasn't from there because I smiled every now and then and said things like "good morning" when I walked in a store. Meanwhile, the snowflakes I interacted with in the Twin Cities all seemed to have grown up in isolation in a town of 500 people the way they reacted toward me. Perspective.

It's hilarious when people from the Twin Cities try to debunk something thousands of people have experienced, some of whom are self-described outgoing people. Seattle is a bad example because from most accounts, it sounds like the Twin Cities of the West Coast. If you've grown up your entire life in a bubble then it follows that you probably aren't going to be that receptive to change. This lack of self-reflection is a major barrier for you Minnesotans' growth. It's why you're 50 years behind, socially.

[treemoni]

Originally Posted by Citykid3785

Certainly the Twin Cities has a bent towards insularity, but you are correct.....there's not a single locale where making friends isn't work, and often several years of work to build up a good, well-rounded foundation. And that work typically always involves one or both parties taking a risk.....a risk that the meetup is lame, a risk that the person has the opposite values, a risk that they move away in 6 months, a risk that they get flaky on you, etc. I have found that those who take the most risks in the quickest time make the most progress.

You "Minnesota Niced" your post (gotta soften the blow for the fragile egos ), but great, well-rounded view. The lack of honesty about what the TC is like is nauseating. "What are you talking about??? It's simply perfect here!"

FYI: I won't be responding to dissenters, so consider "" your advanced response.

[Glenfield]

Originally Posted by treemoni

You "Minnesota Niced" your post (gotta soften the blow for the fragile egos ), but great, well-rounded view. The lack of honesty about what the TC is like is nauseating. "What are you talking about??? It's simply perfect here!"

FYI: I won't be responding to dissenters, so consider "" your advanced response.

It’s a cultural thing. Similar to the Scandinavian cultures, it is harder to make friends here but, once made, friendships can be deeper and more long-lasting. Also, people here tend to be reserved and are not direct or particularly open about their feelings.

Some people prefer this culture, some people don’t prefer it but do adjust, and others never make the adjustment.

It doesn’t have to be a contentious issue and there is nothing wrong with the culture as it is.

[Astron1000]

Originally Posted by treemoni

It's hilarious when people from the Twin Cities try to debunk something thousands of people have experienced, some of whom are self-described outgoing people. ....This lack of self-reflection is a major barrier for you Minnesotans' growth. It's why you're 50 years behind, socially.

Says the guy who can't figure out how to make friends in Minnesota. Talk about "self-reflection."


I haven't had the problem. And neither have my friends at work who have moved here from such diverse places as Northern Virginia, San Diego, Portland and Orlando. And so far, they love it here. And so do I.

[Glenfield]

Originally Posted by Astron1000

Says the guy who can't figure out how to make friends in Minnesota. Talk about "self-reflection."


I haven't had the problem. And neither have my friends at work who have moved here from such diverse places as Northern Virginia, San Diego, Portland and Orlando. And so far, they love it here. And so do I.

I don’t think anyone argued that transplants have difficulty with befriending other transplants. The complaint is about the natives and it’s a fair one.

[BPtransplant]

Originally Posted by treemoni

You "Minnesota Niced" your post (gotta soften the blow for the fragile egos ), but great, well-rounded view. The lack of honesty about what the TC is like is nauseating. "What are you talking about??? It's simply perfect here!"

FYI: I won't be responding to dissenters, so consider "" your advanced response.

100% spot on. Wife is a Minnesotan and we lived there for over 7 years. The only friends I made after about 3 years of trying with the natives were other transplants. Other transplants who also couldn't figure out why the natives would go out of their way to tell you how "Nice" and welcoming they are, but yet when you try to establish a relationship......crickets.

I also don't agree with the "it's hard to get in, but once you're in, the relationships are 'long lasting and deep'"
LOL...what does that even mean? I've lived all over the country and have made lifelong friends everywhere I've lived, except for MN. My native MN wife noticed it too because she had lived away for about 10 years and she found that moving back was weird. She was now seen as an "outsider".
Anyways, as soon as we left the state about 3 years ago we realized there's a world outside of MN where people ARE actually welcoming and nice without having to tell you. In fact we are about to walk two blocks down to a New Years party at a house of a married couple who are both natives to the state we currently live in.
It's refreshing. And normal. And we love it.

[BPtransplant]

Originally Posted by treemoni

New Yorkers being blunt does make them "rude" from the perspective of people who are not that way. New Yorkers could tell I wasn't from there because I smiled every now and then and said things like "good morning" when I walked in a store. Meanwhile, the snowflakes I interacted with in the Twin Cities all seemed to have grown up in isolation in a town of 500 people the way they reacted toward me. Perspective.

It's hilarious when people from the Twin Cities try to debunk something thousands of people have experienced, some of whom are self-described outgoing people. Seattle is a bad example because from most accounts, it sounds like the Twin Cities of the West Coast. If you've grown up your entire life in a bubble then it follows that you probably aren't going to be that receptive to change. This lack of self-reflection is a major barrier for you Minnesotans' growth. It's why you're 50 years behind, socially.

Yes, yes, and yes. Did I mention yes?

[Glenfield]

Originally Posted by BPtransplant

Yes, yes, and yes. Did I mention yes?

We’re all very happy for you and your new friends.

[BPtransplant]

Originally Posted by Glenfield

We’re all very happy for you and your new friends.

Thank you. Nice to see GENUINE "Niceness" from my former neighbors