Is Minneapolis A Friendly City? - Minneapolis - St. Paul - Minnesota (MN) -Twin Cities - Page 3 - City-Data Forum

audadvnc · 08-19-2010, 05:15 PM

"Minnesota Nice" is a common form of passive aggressive behavior, where the perpetrator will not speak directly about an issue of concern with you, but WILL speak to others about you. Example:

"You OK with this?"
"Yeah, it's fine"
"Are you SURE? I need your agreement and commitment here."
"Yeah, I'm on board. Sure."

- then, with his pals -
"You wouldn't believe what that pr!ck wants to do...!!!"

As opposed to my experience in Washington DC a few years ago - where people are in your face - but you know where they're coming from.

gearedtowardssalad · 08-19-2010, 05:19 PM

^ very true, although not everyone in MN is like this. I used to be very "Minnesotan" (passive aggressive) and then I moved to the west coast for a while and realized how big of a joke it is to hold yourself back from people. I just realized this now, but since "losing" the passive aggresiveness I seem to be a happier person. It took a lot of work to stop holding myself back from people, but I'm glad I changed that. I'm not really sure if those things have any correlation to eachother, but it's very possible.

Kid Cann · 08-19-2010, 05:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by audadvnc

"Minnesota Nice" is a common form of passive aggressive behavior, where the perpetrator will not speak directly about an issue of concern with you, but WILL speak to others about you. Example:

"You OK with this?"
"Yeah, it's fine"
"Are you SURE? I need your agreement and commitment here."
"Yeah, I'm on board. Sure."

- then, with his pals -
"You wouldn't believe what that pr!ck wants to do...!!!"

As opposed to my experience in Washington DC a few years ago - where people are in your face - but you know where they're coming from.

Exactly. This is what I despise about Minnesota.

Example from me: At work here these 3 people sat and talked with me how annoyed they are by somebody, and that they did not want to go to a particular establishment after work.... A few hrs later the same person they were annoyed by approached us and said "Hey guys still wanna go to ____ tonight?" and the 3 that just complained put on some fake smiles and had some BS reply with "Yeah, sure, we'll meet ya there!".... and when she walked away the 3 people were like "Gosh, I so don't want to go"

It's like are you kidding me? If you don't want to go, say no!

Same thing happens with others. I'll ask people "Hey, do you wanna go do this on Thursday?" and they'll give some passive response like "Ya sure, call me and we'll figure it out".... Um no idiot, I want to figure it out now, that's why I'm asking you... now... and then you go to call the person on Thursday and they dont answer or return texts.... and then you ask them later on and they say "Oh shoot, yeah, something happened"...
Its like ok, if you did not want to do it, you could have said "No, I dont want to" and It would not have hurt me what so ever...

This is my mentality and I believe it's like this all around the country but besides here. I just can't believe how many times people cannot commit to things, it's weird.

I think it gets me in trouble, since to these passive aggressive MNs think I'm so harsh. I just give straight up answers. Like the otherday. I was with friends and another couple came over and asked "Do you guys want to go get lunch here???" and I straight up said "No". And they all took it as some defensive attack on my part.... No, I dont really want to go. Would you rather have me ho and hum and give you a fake answer.

I really think it goes back to the MN Nice. MN's try sooOOoooOoooOoo hard to impress and make everyone happy that they cannot be straight forward with you so it comes off as being cold.

Kid Cann · 08-19-2010, 05:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gearedtowardssalad

^ very true, although not everyone in MN is like this. I used to be very "Minnesotan" (passive aggressive) and then I moved to the west coast for a while and realized how big of a joke it is to hold yourself back from people. I just realized this now, but since "losing" the passive aggresiveness I seem to be a happier person. It took a lot of work to stop holding myself back from people, but I'm glad I changed that. I'm not really sure if those things have any correlation to eachother, but it's very possible.

I disagree. I think it's amplified in the TC.

Like people who complain about their neighbors yards. They'll call the City and complain but can't walk over to the neighbor and say "hey, i really respect my lawn and work hard on it, could you please keep up with your lawn?"

MSMCGirl · 08-19-2010, 09:14 PM

I moved here from L.A. 5 years ago. I LOVE it here and would NEVER move back to Southern California...for every reason you listed. It did take me a couple years to make friends...I think people tend to be a little "clique-y" here? Most have lived here their whole lives and have a tight knit friend/family circle (generally speaking). When I lived in California (lived there my entire life), I was a bit more reserved than most. Moving here I had to FORCE my self to open up more and really TRY to make friends....because I think people are WAY more reserved here. I joined a couple clubs (running club, meetup.org groups, etc) and now I have the BEST group of friends. And (I hate to say this) but I think the friendships I made here are more genuine than they were in L.A? I think the difference is that in L.A. people are VERY transient...moving into the state, moving out or to another town. People don't stay put as much...so I think there's almost a "disposable" or superficial feeling about some friendships (VERY generally speaking...I have some great friends out there too). But here, I have more of a feeling that my friendships could last forever (where I didn't feel that in L.A.).

I DO think this is a cosmopolitan city and some areas definitely have a "college town" vibe. Another city I love in the midwest that you might want to consider is Madison, WI. It kind of reminds me of a smaller Minneapolis...definitely a college town and very friendly people (a little less reserved than Minnesotans for whatever reason).

rcsteiner · 08-19-2010, 10:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by audadvnc

"Minnesota Nice" is a common form of passive aggressive behavior, where the perpetrator will not speak directly about an issue of concern with you, but WILL speak to others about you. Example:

I've always thought it had more to do with people being willing to help almost anyone when someone is in need (when a car slides off the road, for example).

Not much class in talking behind a person's back ... if you cross my path and create an issue of some kind, don't expect to get away unchallenged.

Maybe it's a Scandinavian thing, which I'm not, but I grew up and lived in the SW TC suburbs for 40 years, and I'm not dissimilar from my friends and family up there. Of course, we're not as "in your face" as some folks I've met from the east coast or even Chicago, so maybe it's a matter of degree?

rcsteiner · 08-19-2010, 10:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kid Cann

I disagree. I think it's amplified in the TC.

Like people who complain about their neighbors yards. They'll call the City and complain but can't walk over to the neighbor and say "hey, i really respect my lawn and work hard on it, could you please keep up with your lawn?"

Same thing happens here in Atlanta, perhaps more so, but it's usually the HOA that gets the complaints.

Oildog · 08-20-2010, 12:54 AM

I think that the people are not outwardly 'hi how are you' friendly but they are willing to help if you have a problem. People here warm up to you slowly. Minnesotans aren't used to 'different' folks. I joke that when growing up diversity was Lutheran and Catholic. Most folks were between upper middle and lower middle class.

hubicmama · 08-22-2010, 09:51 AM

tiredsocks · 03-06-2011, 03:21 PM

I grew up in Minnesota, in a small little town not too far from the cities, and have lived in Minneapolis for the better part of the past 10 years. I'm not sure about the entire 'MN nice' thing though. Overall I have found most Minnesotans to be laid back, approachable people. When times are tough, or a big snow storm hits, people will generally be helpful towards each other and everyone seems super sensitive to not offending another person or stepping on each others toes. This, however, can have a down side. Sometimes it's really hard to get an honest read of someone, especially if they might not like you. I have often found with Minnesotans a tendancy to give you a nice, friendly face and then stab you in the back when you turn around. Not an entirely hostile thing, its just that people are often too focused on being (or at least seeming for their own sake) polite. I've traveled around a lot and have found many, many places where people have been more friendly, outwardly warm, and HONEST about how they feel. There aren't a lot of bold individualists here either; if people are on the 'fringe' they do it like others. Anyways, there are much worse places in the this world to live.