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Old 04-26-2010, 11:39 AM
 
10,629 posts, read 26,634,547 times
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California's actually a "sticky" state, too (69% of people born there still live in the state), and in the middle as far as being a "magnet" state (#28, with 38% of adults born elsewhere). (that puts in the same category as MN, interestingly enough!) I think that in states like CA -- or at least in the big cities -- you're just dealing with a much bigger population so don't notice it (immediately) as much.

I agree, though, that when compared to many states Minnesota is tougher to crack because it is one of the country's "high sticky, low magnet" states, and that there's only so much time available. If your family doesn't live nearby you talk to them on the phone and visit them from time to time; if they live in the area you're by nature going to take up more of your time seeing them both casually and for all those little things that aren't worthy, generally, of a plane ride, but that you won't miss if you live nearby. Birthday parties, showers, graduation parties, all those sorts of things. It all adds up.

Magnet/Sticky state list:
Magnet or Sticky? - Pew Research Center

 
Old 04-26-2010, 02:09 PM
 
30 posts, read 52,503 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by knke0204 View Post

This is the same for me. I work 50 hours a week. When I get a free night, chances are I want to hang with my 'buddies'. I'm not against adding a new wolf to my wolf pack, but it's not as easy as it sounds. Or better yet, when I get a free weekend, now I'm juggling family ( seeing my parents, cousins, aunts uncles and my brothers) and squeezing in long-term relationships that I want to sustain (high school buddies, childhood friends). Not to say that newbies aren't welcome, but it's just really hard. If I meet a new guy that's cool, maybe I'll call him when I'm going out with my friends.... But with 50 hrs a week at work, and wanting to prioritize family before anything, the rare nights that DO work are few and far between, making it extremely hard to maintain a relationship.
I find that our situation is exactly the same. Especially now that I'm 5 hrs away from home for school, whenever I come home, half my time is spent with family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc) and the other is spent with my good friends from high school & that I've known since grade school and whatnot. In the summer I work at least 50 hrs a week also.
 
Old 04-27-2010, 11:05 AM
 
350 posts, read 567,711 times
Reputation: 156
I'm from North Dakota (though originally from PA), but I presume the social situation here is pretty close to that in Minnesota. My advice for those people having trouble finding friends is to get over yourselves. I think too many transplants come to MN with the attitude that they are superior, or that somehow their old state/friends/situation was better and that MN is never going to live up to their past experiences. When they get there, they instantly compare everything to what they know, and make little effort to assimilate into the new culture. No one in MN wants to hear about how awesome city living in NY was, or how much more worldly you are for having lived in 20 states throughout your life. MN people, I would assume, love their state and are proud of their upbringing. They like people who share their interests and are probably hesitant of making friends with pushy outsiders, however "friendly" they are.

Also, people who try volunteering to make friends often seem to push their outside agenda on their new neighbors. Someone earlier posted about how they organized a huge neighborhood event and that hardly anyone showed up or ate the food they bought for it. Ok, well think about it. Wouldn't it be strange if some new neighbor moved to town, instantly become involved in an old land dispute they know little to nothing about, and tried to rally the neighbors to "their" cause? I would be pretty put off by it personally. Why are these new people sticking their nose in my business? That's the first thought that would come to mind.

My experience making friends always involves baby steps. Find something you have in common with the people you interact with daily. It could be something as inane as work-related tasks, funny occurrences, tv shows, books, movies.... Anything! Just find something that you both like or share and talk to them about it. Building raport through friendly conversation and humor will work wonders. Suggest going out for drinks or something social, or if you really pull it off, the other person will probably invite you to do something fun. I can't think of any social situations where this didn't eventually work out or turn into even a mild friendship. It boggles my mind that talking to people or taking an interest in what they do isn't common sense when it comes to making friends. Even the coldest, insular person will warm up to you if you find something that piques their interest. Who knows, you might even grow to like what they like too!
 
Old 05-15-2010, 06:38 PM
 
1 posts, read 2,100 times
Reputation: 11
I was born and raised on the range, but moved away for a job. I always came back to visit because my parents still lived there.They have both passed on and it's rare that I go there now. I would see people that I had graduated high school with and was shunned and ignored. These were my "friends" but made me feel like I had abandoned them years ago. They have never left the range and never will. Most are still stuck in the 70's with their mullet haircuts and red neck vehicles. So, you can be born and raised there, but if you dare venture out of town, it's like you never existed. Range mentality...you can have it.
 
Old 05-16-2010, 10:01 AM
 
9 posts, read 15,159 times
Reputation: 15
I've lived here for twenty years and with no effort at all I have met many people who've moved here from elsewhere. I have no friends who were born in Minnesota, but many friends who came from somewhere else.

I'd try to make friends with people new to the area, or even people who've been here for a few years. In my experience there are many more transplants around than indicated on these message boards.
 
Old 05-16-2010, 11:58 AM
 
Location: Tippecanoe County, Indiana
26,375 posts, read 46,246,933 times
Reputation: 19455
Quote:
Originally Posted by uptown_urbanist View Post
California's actually a "sticky" state, too (69% of people born there still live in the state), and in the middle as far as being a "magnet" state (#28, with 38% of adults born elsewhere). (that puts in the same category as MN, interestingly enough!) I think that in states like CA -- or at least in the big cities -- you're just dealing with a much bigger population so don't notice it (immediately) as much.

I agree, though, that when compared to many states Minnesota is tougher to crack because it is one of the country's "high sticky, low magnet" states, and that there's only so much time available. If your family doesn't live nearby you talk to them on the phone and visit them from time to time; if they live in the area you're by nature going to take up more of your time seeing them both casually and for all those little things that aren't worthy, generally, of a plane ride, but that you won't miss if you live nearby. Birthday parties, showers, graduation parties, all those sorts of things. It all adds up.

Magnet/Sticky state list:
Magnet or Sticky? - Pew Research Center
That is an interesting list. Some tend to make quite a bit of sense. I have a feeling the only reason that Kansas is listed as a magnet state is because of Johnson County.
 
Old 05-16-2010, 01:02 PM
 
Location: MN
3,971 posts, read 9,632,798 times
Reputation: 2148
I'll be your friend!
 
Old 06-12-2010, 04:00 AM
 
5 posts, read 11,036 times
Reputation: 13
I agree; I lived in Minnesota my whole life, and it's hard to make friends when you're 40, and single. Not all single people like going to clubs (especially if you don't drink) and I've tried volunteering. Having a family seems to be a common thread with making friends here; you have kids in common, but that also doesn't make for more than a superficial friendship sometimes.
 
Old 06-12-2010, 07:02 AM
 
Location: Upper Midwest
1,873 posts, read 4,393,513 times
Reputation: 1934
This has been a very interesting thread to read.

I was born and raised in Northwestern Wisconsin for many years (birth to 14) and have gone back many times to visit, still consider it my home. Moving back later this year, in fact.

I lived in a small city just a couple hours east of the Minnesota border. I had an aunt and uncle who lived in St. Paul Park with their children so we'd go there frequently for this and that, aside from just visiting.

My aunt was raised in NW Wisconsin with us, and I don't ever remember her complaining about having a hard time fitting in when she got married and moved to SPP. She accepted that as her home for many years. My uncle, on the other hand, has lived in St. Paul Park his entire life to my knowledge. He still lives there now with his new wife. (They divorced, Aunt came back home to Wisconsin.) He is a very outgoing friendly guy and has no trouble talking with anyone, no matter where they're from. (I know this first-hand - I've stood in lines in public places with him while he "bonded" with the other people! lol) And I don't think he would shun anyone for being from a different state.

I would be very curious for some of the "transplants" here to give your views on Wisconsin. Have you crossed the border at all to the Badger State yet? What is your impression of them?

To me, eastern Minnesota and western Wisconsin may as well be their own state. I consider both my home and both are fairly similar.
 
Old 06-12-2010, 09:48 PM
 
Location: Minnesota
256 posts, read 662,210 times
Reputation: 190
Quote:
Originally Posted by TracyF View Post
I agree; I lived in Minnesota my whole life, and it's hard to make friends when you're 40, and single. Not all single people like going to clubs (especially if you don't drink) and I've tried volunteering. Having a family seems to be a common thread with making friends here; you have kids in common, but that also doesn't make for more than a superficial friendship sometimes.

Good point. I was born and raised here, and at 28, every single one of my friends is married with kids. Except me. Living in a rural area makes this even harder, because once that happens, they tend to only want to hang out with other people that are married and have kids. If it weren't for making it a point to get together for lunch or coffee once in a while, we would never see each other. My life happened to take a different path. So I will either be moving to the TC area, Rochester, Tucson or Denver in about a year. I guess I'll find out how hard it is to really make new friends after all!
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