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Not everyone likes living in NJ. It is a tough state to live in many ways. Native born Jersey girl here (but older than you OP)and I can relate to the Jersey girl "attitude". I also agree with Steve Morse about Bergen county. Alot of these people are transplants from NY to begin with and they can be pretty obnoxious especially in a higher income cities (have relatives from all parts of NY and they tend to be very pushy). I live in a "high middle class" area in western NJ and even the six year olds have attitudes and it is sickening. Of course this is a generalization, not all of them do but most of them have that "entitlement" attitude because they've been raised by "entitlement" minded parents who love to flaunt their money even though their credit cards are maxed out and their McMansions are devoid of furniture. But remember there are alot of very nice, hard working people living in NJ too.
You're still young and you've given this state a fair chance and decided it is not for you so my advice is to research and find a state more suitable to your liking and move on with your life. As soon as my DH retires, we are out of here too.
Marilyn your post made me laugh, but yet at the same time I think you have had the best response out of all. Nothing would every make me smoke crack, and im sorry you had to go through that. But yea I think I realize where your coming from, I dont necessarily feel lonely ( im naturally a loner ), but I do feel isolated. But at the same time, most of the people I have dealt with are my age and from fair lawn, hawthorne, elmwood park etc. But yea there is a difference they are still at home and im not so I guess that separates us. Ive tried everything, even attending lincoln tech. I just cant get ahead here. Maybe its God telling me to go back, as silly as that sounds. Im glad your cool though and understand thanks alot.
I have found most people in Bergen COunty to have the personality of snails. There is no life, emotion, off beat, they are just like robots or stepford wives types. There was a time where I actually liked the South Bronx better than Bergen COunty. However drugs were a big factor in that!!! However the people were so much more colorful and alive in a sort of way.
I find people who are off the beaten track. I found a few of them and they are larger than life. However out of thousands maybe 3 of them. I am a bit of a loner too. Here is something, embrace people's differences. Ok so they live with Mommy and Daddy, most at age 22 years old do. They are not alpha type males, and most of them are complete boring wimps!! Dont settle in your male friendships and dating. However sometimes the differences make us tolerant, and realize Thank God Im not that stupid sap!!!
I think your lacking cool people. Too bad you were not around during the punk rock era, CBGB's or head banging to Motor head. There was alot more life in the late 70's early 80's. Now people are kind of BORING!!!!
I escaped into a drug blitz coma for a long time. I have come out of it of course , met my husband and found my best friend. It will happen, dont settle for boring, uncolorful, dull, no personality wimps or entitled bimbos. BUT KEEP TRYING!!!! You have to keep trying!!!! You may just find the right one, I did!!!
Your problems with dating could have something to do with the fact that you are working retail and warehouse jobs and don't make any money. You are in your low twenties, which is the true end of the kid phase and the true beginning of the adult phase. As you get to your mid and upper twenties, you will notice that dating will become more and more difficult, even in California, unless you are a better person with better prospects. I have to be brutally frank. If you are running a forklift for $14/hr and renting a $620 room, you are not going to be much in the way of dating material. Your looks will start fading as you move to and through 30 so what you do will define who you are.
Being a "laid back nice guy" really does not count for much once you get past your low twenties. You really want to be someone who is interesting and talented and smart and successful. Looks are the icing on the cake, but without the cake, the icing is just a blob of colored sweet goo.
So my advice? Get your butt back to school and get a degree that will enable you to make good money doing something you love. As time goes on, that will become critically important. Your problems with NJ are really just the beginning manifestations of the fact that you have skated through life so far and do not have any particularly developed aptitudes that enable you to exercise your creative talents and very importantly: make good money. You will find that friends and women are really attracted to you when you are a cool sharp person who is gainfully employed and "dialed in" to life.
Drifting through dead end jobs for the next 10 years, even in California, will leave you as a 32 year old in basically the same position you are in now. And believe me, a 32 year old version of you will be a thousand times less marketable to women and friends than the 22 year old version. And don't even speculate on the 42 year old version...
Bottom line: It's really not New Jersey, it's you. Time to perfect yourself through training and hard work. If you can't do it on your own due to money or lack of family support, consider the military. I know several lost twenty somethings who entered the military and came out highly trained self-respecting individuals with more friends and girlfriends than you can shake a stick at. Right now you are projecting tremendous self-doubt, and I cannot think of a characteristic that is less attractive to potential friends and girlfriends.
Good luck!
West, your right about most of what you said and I do respect your opinion. However, alot of what you said is a problem in its own. You mean that I have to make a certain amount of money to attract some gold digger? I mean thats not fair I thought the quality women didnt care about how much you make or what you drive but who you are as a person? Maybe they just dont exist anymore. But yes your right, I need to better myself. But im not bettering myself just to get a date, or to have a great social life. Honestly I dont have a problem making friends, or attracting women. I guess its just the type of people I attract. But yea having dead end jobs isnt or wasnt the plan, but seeing that I have to pay bills working full time and going to school full time isnt really an option. I dont have the set up to just say ok im gonna go to school. I have no family to stay with. And your wrong, i dont lack confidence. Just because I said I was laid back and I have done nice things to help people doesnt mean im some whimp. But thanks for your advice and good luck to you.
Not everyone likes living in NJ. It is a tough state to live in many ways. Native born Jersey girl here (but older than you OP)and I can relate to the Jersey girl "attitude". I also agree with Steve Morse about Bergen county. Alot of these people are transplants from NY to begin with and they can be pretty obnoxious especially in a higher income cities (have relatives from all parts of NY and they tend to be very pushy). I live in a "high middle class" area in western NJ and even the six year olds have attitudes and it is sickening. Of course this is a generalization, not all of them do but most of them have that "entitlement" attitude because they've been raised by "entitlement" minded parents who love to flaunt their money even though their credit cards are maxed out and their McMansions are devoid of furniture. But remember there are alot of very nice, hard working people living in NJ too.
You're still young and you've given this state a fair chance and decided it is not for you so my advice is to research and find a state more suitable to your liking and move on with your life. As soon as my DH retires, we are out of here too.
Thanks Rowen. I wish others could understand what your saying as well. And its even better that its coming from an older jersey girl. And yes, the attitude people have here are unbelievable. They act like they are movie stars or something. Even in cali I have never seen anything like it. I hope you guys get out of here soon and head down south or anywhere else but the tri area. Good luck.
You mean that I have to make a certain amount of money to attract some gold digger? I mean thats not fair I thought the quality women didnt care about how much you make or what you drive but who you are as a person?
1. you seem comfortable denying fatties but its a problem that they deny someone who doesnt have a decent job?
2. why shouldnt women want a guy who will provide them with financial security?
I have found most people in Bergen COunty to have the personality of snails. There is no life, emotion, off beat, they are just like robots or stepford wives types. There was a time where I actually liked the South Bronx better than Bergen COunty. However drugs were a big factor in that!!! However the people were so much more colorful and alive in a sort of way.
I find people who are off the beaten track. I found a few of them and they are larger than life. However out of thousands maybe 3 of them. I am a bit of a loner too. Here is something, embrace people's differences. Ok so they live with Mommy and Daddy, most at age 22 years old do. They are not alpha type males, and most of them are complete boring wimps!! Dont settle in your male friendships and dating. However sometimes the differences make us tolerant, and realize Thank God Im not that stupid sap!!!
I think your lacking cool people. Too bad you were not around during the punk rock era, CBGB's or head banging to Motor head. There was alot more life in the late 70's early 80's. Now people are kind of BORING!!!!
I escaped into a drug blitz coma for a long time. I have come out of it of course , met my husband and found my best friend. It will happen, dont settle for boring, uncolorful, dull, no personality wimps or entitled bimbos. BUT KEEP TRYING!!!! You have to keep trying!!!! You may just find the right one, I did!!!
Exactly. But when they get the opportunity to talk about themselves they are full of life. Yea, I stopped going after these bimbos about a year ago. I realized that the women out here werent for me. The want it all, but cant even make a meal or help you out with everything. It makes me sick when I see some poor guy trying to talk to a girl, and she is looking like " why in the world are you talking to me?" Or dress up like sluts and then when somebody looks at them they want to catch an attitude. Attention whores, game playing bimbos. Im not sitting here kissing up to some girl just so I can say I have a girlfriend even though she does nothing for me. Yes, bad women are everywhere but there is an awful lot of them here. Like I said before its because they know they have the advantage there it seems like there are so many guys here. Id rather just focus on myself instead of chasing some chick thats just going to play games or cheat anyway. You know what I mean?
1. you seem comfortable denying fatties but its a problem that they deny someone who doesnt have a decent job?
2. why shouldnt women want a guy who will provide them with financial security?
Hey man, I never said I hate fatties. When did I ever say I denied one or was approached by one? I have a problem with the ones with really high standards, but it seems to work for them out here do to the shortage of guys alot of them are desperate to say they have a gf. For the social status. And for my age, how many guys can provide a girl with security? And if women are so independent why would they need one to provide them? They want to be treated as equals but when it suits them they want to be a lady? cmon. pay your own bills.
1. you seem comfortable denying fatties but its a problem that they deny someone who doesnt have a decent job?
2. why shouldnt women want a guy who will provide them with financial security?
Captin, if you have a gf I can tell she wears the pants. She probably has you cooking and paying all the bills while she hangs out at star bucks and gets her nails done. Thats sad man I thought you would be better then that, but after all you are from NJ.
Exactly. But when they get the opportunity to talk about themselves they are full of life. Yea, I stopped going after these bimbos about a year ago. I realized that the women out here werent for me. The want it all, but cant even make a meal or help you out with everything. It makes me sick when I see some poor guy trying to talk to a girl, and she is looking like " why in the world are you talking to me?" Or dress up like sluts and then when somebody looks at them they want to catch an attitude. Attention whores, game playing bimbos. Im not sitting here kissing up to some girl just so I can say I have a girlfriend even though she does nothing for me. Yes, bad women are everywhere but there is an awful lot of them here. Like I said before its because they know they have the advantage there it seems like there are so many guys here. Id rather just focus on myself instead of chasing some chick thats just going to play games or cheat anyway. You know what I mean?
I do know what you mean. Dont know how to change it, but I get it. Good Luck Marilyn
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