School (hold-back) question (daycare, preschool, kindergarten)

[joe moving]

Originally Posted by jjpd

We always planned on holding our son back a year. He has a Sept. birthday, so he is always the youngest in his class.

But we were never able to, because he was in preschool, then went right to kindergarden. And it never felt right to hold him out of school a year.

But now we are moving, and it seems like the perfect time.
He is currently in the 1st grade and we are moving in the summer.
So what are plan is, is to have him repeat the 1st grade in out new town.

Are you allowed to do this? I know we will have to bring his transcripts. He does very well in school. Will they be able to stop us from doing this?

I'm not sure if it's different from school district to district, but we are moving to Rutherford if that helps.

If anybody can shed some light on this for me, it would be much appreciated.

that is a good time to hold him back. I doubt you will have any issues if he just turned 6 (if I'm remembering the ages correctly). But if he is smart, why hold him back.

[sas0814]

Holding him back is gonna be a bad choice when he's not a little kid anymore. Leave it be.

[checkmatechamp13]

Originally Posted by CHAOS Mom

If he's doing fine, there's no reason to hold him back. If his teachers have expressed concern over his academic or social performance, maybe it would help, but if it's just because you don't want him to be the youngest, don't hold him back.

I think if you hold him back even though academically he's doing fine, you'll have problems because then he'll be bored doing stuff that he's already done. Then you could run into a new set of problems.

Agreed. If he's doing reasonably well in class, there's no reason to hold him back.

As of now, I'm sitting in a lot of my classes and bored as anything. I was born in May, so there was really nothing my parents could've done as far as advancing me goes, but ever since I started school, I've always been advanced. If you leave him back, he'll be in the same situation I'm in. He'll have a 100+ average and sleep through his classes, but he won't enjoy school as much.

Think about another aspect: If you leave him back, he'll be starting his career one year later (and missing out on a year of pay and work experience) for no real reason. Or if you don't want to think about it like that, he's wasting a year of time for no reason by repeating the grade. Being with children a year older can help him mature faster as well.

I hope you are truly thinking this through and doing what you think is best for your child. You're the one who knows your child best and whether he can succeed being a year ahead.

[lkb0714]

Originally Posted by qbrctr

What is the obsession of holding the kid back?? I don't understand the original poster's point...If the kid is doing well in school why in the world would you make him repeat a grade? My brother barely made the cutoff date by a couple of days and when graduated from High school he was considering Harvard, Stanford, Yale, etc. He was always on the Honor Roll his entire years in school. Who cares how old he is if he's doing well.

It is a huge advantage, especially for boys, to be the oldest in their class as opposed to youngest.

That extra year to mature, potentially means higher grades in the ones looked at for getting into college.

As a teacher I recommend it to people whose children are right in that September/October window as well. It does no harm socially (who doesn't want to be one of the first kids to get their license) and academically it only has benefits.

[NWJerseyGrl]

Originally Posted by jjpd

thank you for all responses.

We know all the pros and cons, and to be honest I myself thought it was ridiculous when I first heard of this.

But people alot more in the know than myself (teachers, administrators, etc.) have all reccomended this to us.

So the question is, are you allowed to do this?

We have heard of holding them back a year before they start. But not holding him back a grade voluntarily.

I think it depends on the child. I'm a December baby and when I started school in NY I was 1 of the youngest kids because the school I went to didn't have a cut-off date and they went by the year you were born, when we moved to NJ when I was in grammar school they wanted to hold me back because the cut-off date was Oct. 15th, my Mother told them to look at my grades, they agreed to let it go because I had good grades. I don't think I was adversely affected because kids were almost a year older than me in some instances.

[Lilycharm]

What reasons have the teachers and administrators given for holding him back? If he is doing fine academically, but his behavior is immature for his grade level i can see making a case for holding back. In the early grades, learning is about more than reading, math facts and academics... it's about learning how to be a student, developing self-control and adding to the classroom dynamic, instead of detracting from it. If I read between the lines of the OP's post, perhaps that is the feedback she is getting from the school.


A friend of mine held her son back when they moved at even a later elementary grade and did not seem to have an issue. I'm sure whatever school you move to will want your son to succeed and will want to best possible classroom situation for his teacher as well. Ultimately, the decision is up to you, but as long as it is well-informed and motivated by the best interest for your son (not just so that he won't be the youngest), I'm sure you will make a good choice.

[jjpd]

Originally Posted by lkb0714

It is a huge advantage, especially for boys, to be the oldest in their class as opposed to youngest.

That extra year to mature, potentially means higher grades in the ones looked at for getting into college.

As a teacher I recommend it to people whose children are right in that September/October window as well. It does no harm socially (who doesn't want to be one of the first kids to get their license) and academically it only has benefits.

Thank you. Very nice explanation.

No, no one has specifically reccomended for our son. It has been just a general reccomendation. My wife is a teacher, so she knows alot of people in the field and they all suggested this for children with birthdays in his timeframe.

I of course know that you can still be successful if you are the youngest in the class, but I guess it just gives your child a better chance of being successful. And what parent wouldn't want that?

[nybbler]

Originally Posted by jjpd

I of course know that you can still be successful if you are the youngest in the class, but I guess it just gives your child a better chance of being successful. And what parent wouldn't want that?

You know why the older kids (especially boys) tend to be more successful? It's because they're bigger. So if you (his parents) are of average height or taller, it might help. If you're short, he's probably going to be short even a grade ahead and you're wasting his time.

[checkmatechamp13]

Originally Posted by jjpd

Thank you. Very nice explanation.

No, no one has specifically reccomended for our son. It has been just a general reccomendation. My wife is a teacher, so she knows alot of people in the field and they all suggested this for children with birthdays in his timeframe.

I of course know that you can still be successful if you are the youngest in the class, but I guess it just gives your child a better chance of being successful. And what parent wouldn't want that?

Here in NYC, the cut-off date is December 31st. Some of the most intelligent kids have birthdays in December (one of my friends was born on New Year's Eve and she was in the top 10 out of 600 kids)

I think you should try and see if you can discuss this with your child's teacher in 1st grade to see if he was struggling in any way. If the teacher (who's spent a year with him) feels that he is at grade level, then there's no need.

Originally Posted by nybbler

You know why the older kids (especially boys) tend to be more successful? It's because they're bigger. So if you (his parents) are of average height or taller, it might help. If you're short, he's probably going to be short even a grade ahead and you're wasting his time.

Actually, the funny thing was that the girl I mentioned above was the youngest in the class and easily the tallest.

But I've had some pretty short (male) friends and they've been successful despite being shorter (I mean, it's one more thing for them and their friends to joke about, but not in a bad way)

[lkb0714]

Originally Posted by nybbler

You know why the older kids (especially boys) tend to be more successful? It's because they're bigger. So if you (his parents) are of average height or taller, it might help. If you're short, he's probably going to be short even a grade ahead and you're wasting his time.

Actually, at the high school level with regard to academics, it is because they are more mature.

I am not sure why you think being bigger helps you academically in anyway, and since that is the success the person you are quoting was referring to, I am a bit confused. Maybe you mean sports?

Anyway, given the pressure to get into college, that extra maturity can translate into a higher GPA and SAT scores. That was an example of the "advantage" I was referring to.