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Tony, did your colleague move back to the city? Did he say why he didn't like Summit?
Thanks, Rob, for the encouraging response. :-)
My oldest will begin preschool in the fall. I don't know what will happen then. I've met a few moms here. A couple are nice but I don't know if I would regularly hang out with them. I joined a few mom groups, took a couple mommy and me classes, went to the library, YMCA, etc. A lot of kids are usually with nannies or their grandmas. Or I'll meet a mom at class that I would normally hang out with but lives in another town, LOL.
My oldest wont be in kindergarten for another 2.5 years... That's a long time to wait to "hopefully" meet more people and get involved. I don't know if I can do it.
If you have the means just bail. Think of it as a learning experience. Now you know what's important to you. We bought and sold in about 3 years so I'm no stranger to making a quick move. If You like the beach, why not sea bright or highlands? Ferry to Wall st is right there.
Yes, you are in the wrong town. Just because you can afford to live in a certain community doesn't mean that you should live there. You are fortunate to have an income that supports living in one of New Jersey's high society towns — but from what you've written it's clear that you're not high society. (No offense intended — there's nothing wrong with that!)
A friend of mine encountered your dilemma when his kids were small. He and his wife chose to stay. What happened? Good and bad.
* The bad... to his chagrin, his kids adopted some of the very attitudes and behaviors that were prevalent in the community — the ones that annoyed him so much.
* The good... although two of his children struggled through school, they wound up on the Dean's List in college. Regardless that they were mediocre students, the schools taught them well.
That said, if he had to do it over again, he would have moved; then raised his family elsewhere.
So what's important to you? Sounds like you want to be in a community that values traditional gender roles with many stay-at-home moms. You want to make local friends to hang-out with. More so, you want this community to have above-average schools. And you need reasonable commute time for DH. (BTW, what is DH's work location?)
Yes, they exist in New Jersey... and this is probably the best place to find a list of communities that will suit your needs. Ask for suggestions. Pull up school rankings. Check where MOPS groups meet (Mothers of PreSchoolers). Then cruise the communities to get a flavor for not only the homes but the occupants. Do you see people 'hanging out and relaxing in their yards'? Stop at a park, stop at a store, stop at the library, stop to watch kids at recreation... and LOOK! Observe: are these the kind of people you want to live with?
And much of these criteria involve things that real estate agents must remain mute about. (I don't even think they can use the term 'family neighborhood' nowadays!) You've got your work cut out for you, but you can do it.
Wow, thanks Maverick! I feel like my friends and family will think I'm nuts for wanting to move. We renovated the kitchen and a couple bathrooms, beefed-up the place, etc. Now looking back, it was more of a fun project for me. Ugh, should I give it at least another 1 - 2 years? I don't know if we'll get all of our money back.
Yes, I'm dying to meet real, lowkey people! My mistake is that I listened to too many people telling me that Summit is great, it's such a pretty town, there are uppity people here but you'll find non-uppity people... but I'm not meeting them. Our neighborhood is dead. The only people I see are the landscapers. The neighbors I did run into always mention private schools and their homes.
Tdstyles, we were going to move to fair haven and my husband would have taken the ferry, BUT he works in midtown so it would have been a long commute. I did like the vibe down there, but I kept thinking about how far the city is by car and train. What if he missed the ferry boat?
At the same time, if I found a good, supportive community... Maybe the long commute wouldn't be so terrible? And I admit, I was nervous about the winters in fair haven. Will 6 months out of the year be really stagnant? We can drive to the city in 35 minutes from Summit.
I feel like I can give it another year and keep praying that the market will keep getting better.
Again, we have a 3 yr old and a 1 year old. Do you think it'll be tough if we move when the oldest is in kindergarten? Will it be hard to switch schools?
I literally thought, "this is it". We won't have to move again. DH has a good commute, schools are good, it's a safe area. I had no idea it would be this hard. I don't like our neighborhood at all. I don't feel comfortable here and I'm a bit scared.
Do you ever hang out in Maplewood? It's a very social, community-oriented town with lots of residents who are musicians, artists, actors, etc., so not much focused on the Wall Street grind and lifestyle. Spend a weekend evening there -- hit the shops, have dinner and ice cream. Go to MapleWoodstock in July. See what you think.
That being said, it can be hard to break into any of these towns without having kids in the schools.
It sounds like you have serious doubts, and if that's the case, the longer you wait to make your decision one way or the other, the more you may regret it down the line.
Drive up 15 minutes to our town and come hang out with us sometime. We're a low-key family, with two kids - a girl who is 5 and a boy who is 15 months old. We live in a family-friendly neighborhood and just installed a swing set in the backyard. Plenty of fun to be had here!
New developments usually foster friendships quicker than established neighborhoods. When we moved into our new house 13 years ago, we were all about the same age with same aged kids - there were 8 boys my boys' age alone within 10 houses!
It's not all unicorns and rainbows, there's drama sometimes but we've made lifelong friends that we probably would not have made had we not planted roots in new construction.
Just a thought - good luck!
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Research... then move!
You are fortunate to have an income that supports living in one of New Jersey's high society towns — but from what you've written it's clear that you're not high society. (No offense intended — there's nothing wrong with that!)
