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I would move closer like near JC or Hoboken area to avoid having NJtransit in my daily commute. PATH Hoboken line is much more manageable than any other service going into NYC.
3 kids and outdoor activities = not JC or Hoboken. I haven't been having big problems taking the train from South Orange since they got the tracks repaired.
Lakeland bus is an alternative to the train. In the two years my husband has been taking it, it's had about the same number of delays as the train. Commute times can vary a bit more than on the train, but usually only by five or ten minutes.