Originally Posted by Docendo discimus
Ooooh, let's make this multiple choice!
(A) I'm an attorney, and your parents are clients of mine. They plan on suing you to move out of their home. They got the idea last year from those people in Upstate NY who did the same with their own Failure To Launch son. We will be filing your parents' case with Morris County Superior Court. I have a whole dossier on you. Your mom cries a lot in my office. That reminds me. I need to get more Kleenex.
(B) I am a teacher at HPHS. You are one of my former students. I recognized you immediately from your writing style, general attitude, and the various details you have posted about your life and appearance. I see you have not changed or grown up one bit. I approached the school counselor staff many times about you, but nothing was ever done. I guess this is the result.
(C) My name is Nicole Polizzi LaValle. You know me as "Snooki". I joined this forum a few years ago when my husband and I were doing research during our Morris County house hunt. I was on here not too long ago searching for a decent salumeria in the area (yes, I write food poetry on the side). Anywayz, I happened to catch your libelous, salacious, offensive posts about Jersey Shore and Italians. So I hired a private investigator to look into you. When I find you, I am going to fist pump your face. No amount of Max Factor Pan-Cake makeup is going to make you pretty again.
(D) I am the old man that was standing too close behind you at Harmon. I have a redneck son. He is single and ready to mingle. You are exactly his type. I was just sizing you up. He's fat so he has trouble meeting people. I wanted to get your name off of your credit card so I could get all your personal info. I am watching you, and waiting for the perfect moment to snatch you from a parking lot, so I can make you my son-in-law. Every breath you take, every move you make...I'll be watching you.
(E) You are an attention hooor who constantly posts about his life, looks, dreams, hopes, fears, paranoid delusions, misogyny, pet peeves, prejudices, parents, driving incidents, shopping incidents, job interviews, etc. etc. Keeping Up with the Potashian is one of the most popular reality TV shows on the NJ forum. We know more about you than about our own friends and family because you can't shut up about yourself.
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