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We are a family of 3, 2 parents and a young child (2). We live in Union City, NJ. Both of us work in Manhattan (Financial district and Chelsea) and the child goes to a school in Hoboken. We don't have any relatives here. We have this setup where one parent drops off the child at school in the morning and the other picks them up before 6. This way both of us can work an extended day, if necessary, and the child is not going to be stuck at school for over 10 hours. Our commutes to work are pretty good, 35-50 min depending on time and destination (takes longer to get to FiDi).
We are thinking of moving to a more suburban setting. I am wondering if we would be able to maintain our setup in terms of sharing drop-off/pick-up responsibilities (presumably at a school that's close to the new home) and still maintain a reasonable (obviously more extended) commute time? I read posts here, and so many posts are by folks who have one person working in Manhattan and another stays at home, presumably dealing with the child drop-off/pick-up.
I guess I just want to get an idea of what our lives would be like if we moved somewhere like Glen Rock or Cranford, or River Edge?
It would be really tough with both parents working in the city. I remember another member of this forum, JaRuss, asked a similar question a while back and they tore him up. And he didn’t even have any kids yet, he was just trying to plan ahead. I don’t think he ever came back lol. I wonder if they ever had that kid.
Anyhow, if at all possible, you should explore one of you working in NJ. For whatever it’s worth, Union City has free pre-school for 3 and 4 year olds. My kid goes to the “Eugenio Maria De Hostas Center For Early Childhoold Education” (say that 3 times fast) and I have to say, they do an excellent job with the kids there. So at the very least maybe you can delay your move to the suburbs until kindergarten. That’s my plan.
We are a family of 3, 2 parents and a young child (2). We live in Union City, NJ. Both of us work in Manhattan (Financial district and Chelsea) and the child goes to a school in Hoboken. We don't have any relatives here. We have this setup where one parent drops off the child at school in the morning and the other picks them up before 6. This way both of us can work an extended day, if necessary, and the child is not going to be stuck at school for over 10 hours. Our commutes to work are pretty good, 35-50 min depending on time and destination (takes longer to get to FiDi).
We are thinking of moving to a more suburban setting. I am wondering if we would be able to maintain our setup in terms of sharing drop-off/pick-up responsibilities (presumably at a school that's close to the new home) and still maintain a reasonable (obviously more extended) commute time? I read posts here, and so many posts are by folks who have one person working in Manhattan and another stays at home, presumably dealing with the child drop-off/pick-up.
I guess I just want to get an idea of what our lives would be like if we moved somewhere like Glen Rock or Cranford, or River Edge?
When we lived in Cranford we used ECYC daycare, they had dropoff as early as 730amd and pickup until 6pm. There is a train in the vicinity that other parents used. No clue about commute from there, hopefully someone else can comment on that.
I don't think it's impossible, but I do think that it would be tough. A 6pm pickup in the suburbs would probably mean someone leaving the office at 4:30-4:45, realistically. And then god forbid there is any train/bus issues, which happen more frequently than they should. Even if you make it work, you would be carrying a lot of work/home/commute stress. Hell, I carry a lot of that and I can practically see my building from my office.
Almost everyone I know who have both parents working in the city and live in the suburbs have a nanny (or 2, in some cases). The more senior people have live-ins as they need the flexibility to unexpectedly work until 8 or 9 if they need to. Probably not the answer you wanted to hear, and I don't actually live in the suburbs so my opinion shouldn't count as much as someone who does. But we did the "math" before buying in Hoboken and just couldn't make the suburbs work with both of our careers in the city.
There are plenty of suburbs where people do this all of the time. I can speak for the details for South Orange and Maplewood (they're both about the same).
My wife and I both work. We moved to SO in 2015 when my kid was 2. He went to a daycare where he was able to be dropped off after 7 and needed to be picked up by 6:30.
My kid is now in first grade. And the mechanics of dealing with the school system are more complicated because you have before care, after care, half days and holidays. But there are things to deal with all of that. We don't do before care anymore because my kid takes a bus to school and that comes at 7:30 which is enough time for me to get to my train. We do aftercare, which is a 6:30 pickup. Vacation camp and summer camp are both 6:30 as well.
We do see a lot less dual city commuting families here than we did when we lived in the city, but it's not too difficult in this inner suburb sort of area.
We do aftercare, which is a 6:30 pickup. Vacation camp and summer camp are both 6:30 as well.
We do see a lot less dual city commuting families here than we did when we lived in the city, but it's not too difficult in this inner suburb sort of area.
Sure it's doable, but the problem with that is you lose quality time with your kids. What time are you eating dinner? What time are the kids doing homework and going to bed? I pick up my kids from school by 4pm and I still feel like I don't have enough time to get everything done. They go to bed by 7:30-8:00.
When my kids were in daycare there was a kid there that was being dropped off at 7:30am and not getting picked up until 6:30pm. The owner of the daycare told the parents the kid could no longer attend because it was unhealthy for their well being to be in daycare for 11 hours a day.
Sure it's doable, but the problem with that is you lose quality time with your kids. What time are you eating dinner? What time are the kids doing homework and going to bed? I pick up my kids from school by 4pm and I still feel like I don't have enough time to get everything done. They go to bed by 7:30-8:00.
Exactly. Anything is reasonable is doable but at what cost? 6:00 pm pick up is just not realistic from Manhattan. Someone would have to leave their office anywhere between 4:00 to 4:30 pm. And what happens when there are work deadlines, after work social events, train delays or you get sick? I work in Manhattan, my wife works in Hudson Valley of NYS. We tried doing everything ourselves for about six months with two kids and then hired an Au Pair. The experience was not without issues but overall, we had a lot less stress. We had someone living with us whose job it was to take care of kids...
It looks like this is theoretically possible, but perhaps not very common, and would take effort. I think it's possible for someone to leave office at 4:30; they would just need to start at 8 or 8:30, or do some work in the evening. Of course, that depends on workplace norms. Hiring a nanny would be another way to make this possible.
It looks like this is theoretically possible, but perhaps not very common, and would take effort. I think it's possible for someone to leave office at 4:30; they would just need to start at 8 or 8:30, or do some work in the evening. Of course, that depends on workplace norms. Hiring a nanny would be another way to make this possible.
I worked in the city for about a hundred years. I wasn't in the same position as you, because I did have relatives--my mother was my daycare, and that's why I moved back to my hometown (Midland Park). But I worked with other mothers and I knew other working mothers in town, and the choices they made varied. One woman I worked with who had two girls and lived in Oakland had a live-in nanny. Another made arrangements with a SAHM she knew who she paid to take care of her children after school.
There are commercial daycare places that are outside of people's homes, but in my town there was also a mother and daughter who did daycare from the mother's house. They were licensed or certified or whatever you had to be (not sure what the requirements are) and took care of kids of different ages. My friend's toddler son went there for a while, and because this place was near the elementary school, they had a batch of kids who came after school.
I am sure there are such places sprinkled throughout the NYC commuting area. You just have to find them in the specific town to which you may move.
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