Considering finally moving into my first apartment, soliciting some advice/perspective. (how much, lawyers)
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Hello everyone. I'm not sure if this is a good place for a general advice post like this, but it went ignored on the other board I frequent, so it couldn't hurt I suppose.
I just turned 30 last month, and feel like I'm at a crossroads. I want to move into my first apartment by myself, but I'm sort of freaking out about failure. I feel like I got a late start to life, and while I know that 30 is just a number, and it's all relative, I've sort of lagged behind where I thought I'd be in my life at this point. People in their 30's seemed so much more adult when I was a kid (though to be fair, I feel like a lot of that has to do with the economy).
For some background, I live in northeastern New Jersey, which is a notoriously overly-expensive area, and I've been living with a roommate/s for the past 4 years. They're my best friends, but I'm starting to feel like I'm outgrowing the communal living situation. Having to share the bathroom/kitchen with other people, is starting to wear thin, and now some small children moved into the room above me, so it may be about that time to move on. I just recently found a steal of an apartment through a friend, and I think that I could make it work, but it's sort of terrifying to me. I make a pretty modest salary for the area (50k), have a relatively stable tech job, and could manage to save (the apparently recommended) %20 of my monthly paycheck after all expenses, if I budget and live frugally. I also have about 6 months of emergency money saved up, to start. Where I live right now is very comfortable from a financial standpoint, and I don't want for anything. That being the case, I am starting to get a bit tired of
That all being said, and the issue of the reason for my post, is that I could see myself comfortably living like this until my mid-30's, when the landlord said they're moving in/taking the house back. Is this a good opportunity to throw myself into a completely financially independent living situation? I've felt like a man-child with a comfortable safety net for my entire adult life, and I'm terrified of living a (financially) worry-free life, where I may just get dumped into this situation anyway at 35 or so, without any of the tools/experience I would need to live completely independently. If you guys were in my shoes at 30, would you try and 'grow up' now, or is that just some stupid notion that I have in my head, brought up by an artificial timeline? Would you rather just sit tight (especially during a pandemic) and keep a comfortable situation going? I don't know if the money I'd save from my communal living situation is worth the kick in the ass that the experience of flying completely solo would give me. If I'm finally trying to get my life together, wouldn't this be a good first step?
A large source of my anxiety about this decision revolves around not having a nest-egg anymore. I've always taken great comfort in my savings, but since that's all been predicated on having low living expenses, I've never had to deal with money in a way that would put me out on the street if something went wrong, as far as funds were concerned. A 6 month emergency fund could dry up very quickly under the right circumstances. Is this how everyone feels before they take that plunge? The potential prospect of living paycheck-to-paycheck is almost unbearable to think about.
I would really appreciate some advice from people who have been in a similar situation. I've been really in my head lately about things that I think I need to do to officially feel like an adult, and I'm honestly just scared (in an existential sense). And of course, I'd by lying if I said that some of these feelings weren't brought on by me wanting to be a viable partner for women (I know that opinions on having 3 housemates in your 30's are completely subjective and that everyone's individual opinion is equally as valid, but for me personally, I'm starting to feel like women will see that as a red flag) .
Sorry if this is all a bit scatterbrained - I've never really externalized these exact thoughts in text before.
Any advice or perspective from people with way more life experience than myself would really be great.
At your age, I actually did have my own apartment in a cool part of NYC (though it was cheaper then) and my salary was pretty decent, actually not that much less than I make now (my age is mid 40s).
But I was concerned about what I had done up to that age, etc.
The honest reality is a two-fold kind of irony...
-30 is ridiculously young and the world is still open to you becoming or doing most things. Many of these avenues will be closed off to you in 10-15 years.
-Ironically though, no age is more concerned with upward mobility and 'what have you done thus far in life' than people in their early 30s.
Like this is an example of something I actually heard from a couple of early 30ish year olds at a coffee shop ... "Jen is a makeup artist now for [this movie company]." Other guy ... "Well, she's 32 years old, she gotta have done something by now."
That kind of thinking/pressure only will hamper your future. Actually being a makeup artist sounds cool, but the point is a lot of young people that age put pressure on themselves to make a certain amount of $ and have a degree of independence, maybe even own their own place. Building something... being competitive with other people the same age.
Those years should really be spent IMHO figuring out what you want from life ... how much does $ to you, what kind of a job/career is the best fit for your personality based on the jobs you've worked, etc, etc. That is most important so that by the time you hit 40 ... you can have it sorted out, because major age discrimination will kick in then.
Like when I was 28, I had ideas of going to law school, a ridiculous idea that had no basis beyond ... lawyers are respected and they can make good $. I really didn't have much good guidance in my life, I hope you can do better. But if I were you, I'd escape from the mentality of keeping up with the Joneses right now.
The other side of the irony is that once people get into their 40s and 50s, less people really care about status and 'what you've done' as much as they're struggling with the weight of their jobs, and typically time balance with their family, and the remaining balance of their lifespan. Everybody is so busy with their life that they care less about what other people are up to and have done.
Just do it man. This is not even an irreversible decision. If it gets too unbearable (it won’t) you could always go back to living with roommates. If you have 6 months of living expenses saved up, you’re in better shoes than most. I understand your apprehension being that this is your first time doing this. But from someone who has been on his own since 19, trust me, you will just figure it out. Good luck to you. It’s definitely better bringing a girl home with no roommates around.
If you can go to med school, law school, or get a PhD in a science or/and possibly an MBA if its a top-tier business school, I would do this now. Also, sign up to be an astronaut or the space force. If you still have the energy, see if you can do the wall street hustle and make it rain money. If not, stay home to buy property when the NJ market is not as hot, build up your savings, start a roth ira, have a diversified portfolio. You can't buy property in NJ right now because NYC and philly people are leaving the cities of bad mayors like deblasio kenney, blm riots, and the pandemic. No point in staying the city if the can't enjoy the amenities and everything is closed.
Don't buy material crap you don't need. Food, shelter, water, and the internet. Take classes on being self sufficient or stuff that's useful like programming, farming, survival, home repair, and hunting. Master Land, sea, air, and possibly space.
I'd also start doing ashtanga yoga for your mental and physical well being.
Don't waste your money on alcohol since you'll be at home and all the bars will be closed until 2022.
As for women, that depends on how much game and money you have and possibly how good looking you are depending on the attractiveness on the woman. In the age of #metoo, you are better off finding a surrogate mother for having children and going to legal brothels in nevada if fapping is not enough. I guess they have sex robots now but they probably take metrics and send it to russia, china, and the feds like an iRobot.
Alexander the great conquered the world at 26. Time and free radicals are against you. You could die tomorrow. Do everything physically possible where you need to risks and your knees could give out like skydiving.
Make sure you have your will and advance directives set up with an attorney. Also, get a criminal lawyer, just in case, because you never know.
If you can go to med school, law school, or get a PhD in a science or/and possibly an MBA if its a top-tier business school, I would do this now. Also, sign up to be an astronaut or the space force. If you still have the energy, see if you can do the wall street hustle and make it rain money. If not, stay home to buy property when the NJ market is not as hot, build up your savings, start a roth ira, have a diversified portfolio. You can't buy property in NJ right now because NYC and philly people are leaving the cities of bad mayors like deblasio kenney, blm riots, and the pandemic. No point in staying the city if the can't enjoy the amenities and everything is closed.
Don't buy material crap you don't need. Food, shelter, water, and the internet. Take classes on being self sufficient or stuff that's useful like programming, farming, survival, home repair, and hunting. Master Land, sea, air, and possibly space.
I'd also start doing ashtanga yoga for your mental and physical well being.
Don't waste your money on alcohol since you'll be at home and all the bars will be closed until 2022.
As for women, that depends on how much game and money you have and possibly how good looking you are depending on the attractiveness on the woman. In the age of #metoo, you are better off finding a surrogate mother for having children and going to legal brothels in nevada if fapping is not enough. I guess they have sex robots now but they probably take metrics and send it to russia, china, and the feds like an iRobot.
Alexander the great conquered the world at 26. Time and free radicals are against you. You could die tomorrow. Do everything physically possible where you need to risks and your knees could give out like skydiving.
Make sure you have your will and advance directives set up with an attorney. Also, get a criminal lawyer, just in case, because you never know.
Just do it man. This is not even an irreversible decision. If it gets too unbearable (it won’t) you could always go back to living with roommates. If you have 6 months of living expenses saved up, you’re in better shoes than most. I understand your apprehension being that this is your first time doing this. But from someone who has been on his own since 19, trust me, you will just figure it out. Good luck to you. It’s definitely better bringing a girl home with no roommates around.
I think this is very good advice in general. Yes it would be great to just make the decision and have it all go perfectly together. It's always good to remember though that it's not like you are jumping off to the point of no return. Maybe you will get your own place, manage fine, but decide you prefer living with other people. You can go back to that. If you feel the time is not right for you at the present time, you can do it later. Other opportunities will always come up; just not the identical ones.
I get how you feel, I was more or less in the same boat 8 years ago.
I say go for it, you seem to have given enough thought to the financial part and there will never be a 100% secure situation. 30yo and still living with roommates is not at all unusual for the times we live, so I wouldn't give this any more thought.
Not having a safety net is terriffing at first, until it becomes normal. Like someone else said, you could always go back to living with someone else.
It will help you grow up in ways you can't even imagine. That is the big plus.
GOOD LUCK!
It's scary at first. I was 30 when I first moved into my own place. All of those fears will go away once you get into your routine. The main thing is to get a place that fits your budget, and you can cover all your bills. With what you described it sounds like you can. Just live frugally and you'll be fine. Trust me. You will love the peace of mind.
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