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Old 08-13-2020, 03:09 PM
 
Location: on the wind
23,084 posts, read 18,482,017 times
Reputation: 74701

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kiru View Post
Agreed. When things aren’t all sunshine and roses it’s best to have something to document what the person wanted after they passed.
My Dad's will included some very specific language I know was intended to put a stop to one child's tendency to ride roughshod over everyone else. He designated me to act as his executor (gee, thanks Dad!? ). I'm sure the quarrelsome one wanted to be in charge of everything due to the fact she was "better" than everyone else. When that didn't happen she was insulted, but couldn't do much about it. She gave it a try anyway. At least until the probate attorney I engaged declined to hear her neverending complaints. Sure, being the executor was a lot of work and an emotional hassle, but remembering that his wishes were honored and the estate settled as he directed (which was very fair) always makes me feel pretty good about it.

Last edited by Parnassia; 08-13-2020 at 03:17 PM..
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Old 08-13-2020, 03:17 PM
 
854 posts, read 1,329,412 times
Reputation: 1651
Quote:
Originally Posted by Parnassia View Post
My Dad's will included some very specific language I know was intended to put a stop to one child's tendency to ride roughshod over everyone else. He designated me instead (gee, thanks Dad!? ). I'm sure she wanted to be in charge of everything due to the fact she was "better" than everyone else. When that didn't happen she was insulted, but couldn't do much about it. She gave it a try anyway. At least until the probate attorney I engaged declined to hear her neverending complaints. Sure, being the executor was a lot of work and a hassle, but remembering that his wishes were honored and the estate settled as he directed (which was very fair) always makes me feel pretty good about it.
Yeah that’s what it comes down to. The executor/administrator should be the person who will follow the deceased person’s wishes. Glad it worked out for your family!
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Old 08-13-2020, 04:07 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
32,849 posts, read 36,161,804 times
Reputation: 43630
Quote:
Originally Posted by CaptainNJ View Post
it is sad that a parent would be in a position like that. i hope that when the time comes i will not have any issue with both my daughters splitting things equally.
You can do more than hope.
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Old 08-13-2020, 05:34 PM
 
Location: Bergen County, NJ
4,017 posts, read 3,587,338 times
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Well, luckily for me my dad left me nothing of monetary value and all me and my siblings had to do was split the funeral costs. My condolences to you guys who have had to fight for your inheritance.
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Old 08-14-2020, 07:40 AM
 
Location: NJ
31,771 posts, read 40,584,943 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gerania View Post
You can do more than hope.
well, i wasnt going to say anything because then it would be seen as criticizing parents who have problem children and im not looking to get into that argument. i dont just hope, i do everything i can to raise my girls to be great people and to show them how much i love them every day. so far i can say that they are amazing people but they are only 10 and 6 so we are still early in the process.
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Old 08-15-2020, 11:44 PM
 
Location: NYC
16,061 posts, read 26,694,582 times
Reputation: 24848
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wells5 View Post
How many pages was the will and did it have trust provisions?
Honestly I couldn’t tell you how many pages. We have trust provisions for the children (now adults) a financial power of attorney and medical power of attorney.
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Old 08-18-2020, 12:12 PM
 
349 posts, read 268,378 times
Reputation: 644
Quote:
Originally Posted by BillCashman View Post
Anyone who has a large portfolio with a lot of cash should start giving their money away now.

Several years ago I saw one of those financial advisors giving advice on TV. He asked "What good is giving your heirs money after you are dead?"

Leaving your heirs money after you die doesn't give you much pleasure. Giving them the money NOW would make you feel much better. They may be on hard times and could use the money now instead of waiting 5, 10 or maybe longer for you to die. They could use the money now to pay off bills, mortgages, college expenses, auto loans, etc.

Every Christmas I give my heirs the money they would have received after my death. They understand my thinking and greatly appreciate the gesture. I can afford to give it away and I feel better knowing that I am helping them now.

This advice doesn't work for everyone, but if you can afford to do it----Do it now.
This is super nice of you, but I disagree about giving it all away before you are dead. Just remember that God Forbid you get sick... you would need that money for yourself and you may not have any left to pay for essential health care expenses etc. When people are old they will always need money for in-home nurse care, cleaning ladies, transportation & housing expenses, vacations, meals, clothing, entertainment etc. The expenses never stop but the money does. So just remember you need to keep money for yourself too so that you can live off of it and save for the time being for your own self instead of giving it all away before your time. The family can fend for themselves and should learn how to make it on their own two feet without your help. You should enjoy all the money yourself during retirement while your still here and living. Whatever you leave them behind in a will is a gift. It's not about giving yourself pleasure of what you leave them, I find that to be a bit strange rather you'll be leaving behind your legacy. I never believed in an early inheritance but I am all for giving reasonable gifts to relatives.

Last edited by possibleyou; 08-18-2020 at 12:31 PM..
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Old 08-18-2020, 12:44 PM
 
Location: NJ
31,771 posts, read 40,584,943 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by possibleyou View Post
This is super nice of you, but I disagree about giving it all away before you are dead. Just remember that God Forbid you get sick... you would need that money for yourself and you may not have any left to pay for essential health care expenses etc. When people are old they will always need money for in-home nurse care, cleaning ladies, transportation & housing expenses, vacations, meals, clothing, entertainment etc. The expenses never stop but the money does. So just remember you need to keep money for yourself too so that you can live off of it and save for the time being for your own self instead of giving it all away before your time. The family can fend for themselves and should learn how to make it on their own two feet without your help. You should enjoy all the money yourself during retirement while your still here and living. Whatever you leave them behind in a will is a gift. It's not about giving yourself pleasure of what you leave them, I find that to be a bit strange rather you'll be leaving behind your legacy. I never believed in an early inheritance but I am all for giving reasonable gifts to relatives.
you could die at the age of 80-90 and leave an inheritance for a 60-70 year old. so now instead of your own child enjoying it, its the grandchildren that will likely see most of the benefit.

i started estate planning the minute i felt i was earning enough to. the goal is for my children to be very comfortable by the time they finish grad school.
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Old 08-18-2020, 06:18 PM
 
349 posts, read 268,378 times
Reputation: 644
Quote:
Originally Posted by CaptainNJ View Post
you could die at the age of 80-90 and leave an inheritance for a 60-70 year old. so now instead of your own child enjoying it, its the grandchildren that will likely see most of the benefit.

i started estate planning the minute i felt i was earning enough to. the goal is for my children to be very comfortable by the time they finish grad school.
Well there is nothing wrong with that. Atleast it stays in the family. Your children should be set at that old age and wouldnt need it any way, most would actually prefer to see it being passed down to the grandchildren any way.
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Old 08-18-2020, 06:46 PM
 
Location: NJ
31,771 posts, read 40,584,943 times
Reputation: 24590
Quote:
Originally Posted by possibleyou View Post
Well there is nothing wrong with that. Atleast it stays in the family. Your children should be set at that old age and wouldnt need it any way, most would actually prefer to see it being passed down to the grandchildren any way.
it seems kind of strange to skip over your children in favor of your grandchildren. They are the ones that you raised and look at for you. Also, they should be looking out for their own kids.
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