Single mom needs Christmas help in South Jersey... (Burlington, Englishtown: appointed, wedding)

[nicolem]

Great posts by zas and Alex. You guys rock!

[monack]

I think what it comes down to is expectations.

I am lucky that I am part of a family where gift giving was never considered that big of a deal. And my parents brought me up in a way that made me value family over gifts. I think it was helpful that we're Jewish- and from an early age my father basically explained to me that Chanukah is not the real gift giving holiday for the Jews anyway - and that it was built up to be more than it was because of Christmas. The last time I recall getting a Chanukah present was when I was 12, and that was only because my parents felt bad because I was in the hospital getting knee surgery.

Luckily, my husband feels the same way. We do get things for each other, but when the mood strikes us, and do not limit it to hallmark-deemed occasions. I look at families that stretch themselves to the point of bankrupcy over the holidays, and I feel blessed. Blessed because I never had to do that....

[nat_at772]

Originally Posted by zas

I went to catholic school so I know the story behind Christmas so I do like the overall holiday but kids today think Christmas is a second birthday.. I have seen parents that can not afford everyday living things go into debt because they do not want to disappoint their kids... are you serious at age 11 I would have never put my parent through some of things that some kids ask for.. playstation 3($399), laptops($500), Iphone, blackberry, sidekick...then you look at some of these kids grade it is a joke buy your kids some books. I my son is 2 and he has more books then toys and pick up books all the time to read. I see friends go crazy with alot of toys that the kids donot want and this christmas the number of toys will double again because it is the season....

I agree with some of what you said. I have a cousin who probably spends $500-$700 every year buying gifts for her 2 kids. Most of that stuff is lost by March. BUT at the same time when I was 11, I would have been pissed if I didn't have a bundle of presents under the tree lucky for me the things I wanted were usually cheap. Think the most expensive thing I ever asked for was a gold Mickey Mouse watch that played music. Or if I got something a little pricey, my mom would balance it out by getting me a bunch of little gifts too - books, bubble bath, scented lotions, just so it would LOOK like I had a lot

I guess the amount of stuff kids expect is set up by the parents. My mom used to make me donate some of my old toys to a local orphanage every year. When I was younger, she told me that I had too many toys and if I didn't give some away - I wouldn't have room for news ones. Gotta love the gimmicks of parenting

[deb8997]

i hear ya. im about ready to take my 11 year old daughter to a soup kitchen to help or go and deliver gifts to sick children in the hospital. i mean the things she's asking for are crazy(gucci or some other stupid name brand bag,holister and abercrombie and fitch gift cards)ha that would be the day. she'll be lucky enough if i could afford a tree this year.

[Roselvr]

Originally Posted by natalayjones

I agree with some of what you said. I have a cousin who probably spends $500-$700 every year buying gifts for her 2 kids. Most of that stuff is lost by March. BUT at the same time when I was 11, I would have been pissed if I didn't have a bundle of presents under the tree lucky for me the things I wanted were usually cheap. Think the most expensive thing I ever asked for was a gold Mickey Mouse watch that played music. Or if I got something a little pricey, my mom would balance it out by getting me a bunch of little gifts too - books, bubble bath, scented lotions, just so it would LOOK like I had a lot

I guess the amount of stuff kids expect is set up by the parents. My mom used to make me donate some of my old toys to a local orphanage every year. When I was younger, she told me that I had too many toys and if I didn't give some away - I wouldn't have room for news ones. Gotta love the gimmicks of parenting

I try to make every holiday count.
Birthday's (July & September) both got school clothes plus something they wanted. If the item was a big ticket item, I would talk to family to see if they wanted to participate. Most gave $20, that $20 adds up so they were able to get 1 decent gift from everyone instead of having crap they won't use.

If they really don't need anything, I will redo their bedding & curtains

Christmas - boots, new undies, socks. Winter coat, pants, warm shirts. If I'm lucky, I can find some spring clothes to give as well.

Each kid gets a big ticket gift ($200 max usually) - I use this time to roll in any computer upgrades (sales) or a new TV or stereo.

I don't really track how much I spend but do buy everything on sale.

Both of my kids had birthdays & Christmas's where their "father" didn't get them anything, not even a card. While I know Christmas isn't about the gifts, tell that to a broken hearted child.

We do clean out clothes that don't fit, donate gloves/hats to schools and go through toys when they were young enough to have toys. They didn't get new until they got rid of old.

Every year we usually find someone to give a Christmas to, whether it's a few kids, soldier in Iraq or a friend.

[FlyersFan]

Originally Posted by Alex07860

I totally agree. For the life of me I can't comprehend where in the parental manual does it state "Must buy most expensive Gifts for child, so child feels validated and his/her feelings are not hurt". Sometimes keeping them healthy, food & clothing and a roof over their heads is more important. It's not a question of can you afford it, it's a question of over indulgance and pampering little johnny & little Megan's every wants and desires. Why not teach them the value of hard work and sacrificy so and the true meaning of the holidays which is not by the way how much money you spend on gifts. In case some of you forgot...Christmas is to celebrate the birth of Chirst.

Its hard to believe that I'm reading this ? There is no question of whats "more" important....of course keeping them healthy and providing a roof, food and clothing is the most important. I hate to inform you but as a parent thats your absolute minimal obligation and responsibility. Fulfilling your minimum requirements as a parent by providing a roof, medical needs, food and heat is expected and isn't something to tout as an accomplishment or tossed in your childs face that they should somehow feel indebted to you for. If you truly think that providing these minimal obligations are acceptable in your eyes then perhaps you shouldn't have had children ? Maybe its just me but this kind of talk sure makes it sound like there are a few here who have inner unresolved anger issues for whatever past cause and are taking them out on innocent children. Children learn by example....watching their parents and how they live their lives.....if you live your life as a role model they will be well equipped to better understand the meaning of hard work and sacrifice. Life as an adult is filled with sacrifice....foring them to learn this fact at an early age gives them a bitter outlook. Acting the role of Scrooge at Christmas to teach a child the meaning of hard work and sacrifice isn't going to teach a child much except disappointment.

[monack]

Originally Posted by FlyersFan

Its hard to believe that I'm reading this ? There is no question of whats "more" important....of course keeping them healthy and providing a roof, food and clothing is the most important. I hate to inform you but as a parent thats your absolute minimal obligation and responsibility. Fulfilling your minimum requirements as a parent by providing a roof, medical needs, food and heat is expected and isn't something to tout as an accomplishment or tossed in your childs face that they should somehow feel indebted to you for. If you truly think that providing these minimal obligations are acceptable in your eyes then perhaps you shouldn't have had children ? Maybe its just me but this kind of talk sure makes it sound like there are a few here who have inner unresolved anger issues for whatever past cause and are taking them out on innocent children. Children learn by example....watching their parents and how they live their lives.....if you live your life as a role model they will be well equipped to better understand the meaning of hard work and sacrifice. Life as an adult is filled with sacrifice....foring them to learn this fact at an early age gives them a bitter outlook. Acting the role of Scrooge at Christmas to teach a child the meaning of hard work and sacrifice isn't going to teach a child much except disappointment.

But teaching the child from an early age that there is more to life than getting presents at holiday time could teach them to be more generous adults, and make them realize that the holidays are about more than just getting presents.

i'm not saying that the OP should do this. I don't think that anyone is really saying that the OP should do this. But I think it's more about a parenting philosophy than anything else.

[Alex07860]

Originally Posted by FlyersFan

Its hard to believe that I'm reading this ? There is no question of whats "more" important....of course keeping them healthy and providing a roof, food and clothing is the most important. I hate to inform you but as a parent thats your absolute minimal obligation and responsibility. Fulfilling your minimum requirements as a parent by providing a roof, medical needs, food and heat is expected and isn't something to tout as an accomplishment or tossed in your childs face that they should somehow feel indebted to you for. If you truly think that providing these minimal obligations are acceptable in your eyes then perhaps you shouldn't have had children ? Maybe its just me but this kind of talk sure makes it sound like there are a few here who have inner unresolved anger issues for whatever past cause and are taking them out on innocent children. Children learn by example....watching their parents and how they live their lives.....if you live your life as a role model they will be well equipped to better understand the meaning of hard work and sacrifice. Life as an adult is filled with sacrifice....foring them to learn this fact at an early age gives them a bitter outlook. Acting the role of Scrooge at Christmas to teach a child the meaning of hard work and sacrifice isn't going to teach a child much except disappointment.

Boy, the point went right over your head, talk about over analyzing it.
Ok, Einstein, follow me for a sec...ready?

It's not about being Scrooge, or that what as a parent we SHOULD know what our parental responsabilities are, and it's not even about not getting them ANY gift, but teaching them that the spirit of the holidays (Christmas, Hanukah*sp or Quanza) is not about the gifts or how much are you going to spend on them or that if they don't get any gifts then the holidays are ruined. I was merely pointing out that there are many parents out there who have to make tough decisions, specially those who have lost their jobs, or their homes and altough it would be nice to give the children a holiday gift sometimes as parents for whatever circumstances life has thrown at us, choices have to be made and sometimes those choices are not been able to buy them gifts because perhaps they have to pay the electric bill, or heating bill, or groceries.

Perhaps you should be the one doing a little soul searching if you think when a parent has to make a choice like that you'd think the parent is asking for payback or acknowledgement or throwing it in a child's face.

Ok, I've made my peace.

Shalom, Happy Hanukah, Quanza, Merry Christmas, Ramadan or any other holiday I may have forgotten or misspelled.

Thank you for your cooperation.

[tandcookies]

Originally Posted by Alex07860

Boy, the point went right over your head, talk about over analyzing it.
Ok, Einstein, follow me for a sec...ready?

It's not about being Scrooge, or that what as a parent we SHOULD know what our parental responsabilities are, and it's not even about not getting them ANY gift, but teaching them that the spirit of the holidays (Christmas, Hanukah*sp or Quanza) is not about the gifts or how much are you going to spend on them or that if they don't get any gifts then the holidays are ruined. I was merely pointing out that there are many parents out there who have to make tough decisions, specially those who have lost their jobs, or their homes and altough it would be nice to give the children a holiday gift sometimes as parents for whatever circumstances life has thrown at us, choices have to be made and sometimes those choices are not been able to buy them gifts because perhaps they have to pay the electric bill, or heating bill, or groceries.

Perhaps you should be the one doing a little soul searching if you think when a parent has to make a choice like that you'd think the parent is asking for payback or acknowledgement or throwing it in a child's face.

Ok, I've made my peace.

Shalom, Happy Hanukah, Quanza, Merry Christmas, Ramadan or any other holiday I may have forgotten or misspelled.

Thank you for your cooperation.

---
Good points... I am Catholic and from a large family. I have wonderful Christmas memories but not from getting an abundance of gifts. We got gifts but not the over the top stuff that many friends got then and what you see today.

I'll be in the minority but hey Christmas isn't MY birthday.... Why should there be a huge focus on presents for me??? I buy presents for family and friends but it is under control and we enjoy the day as it is meant holy and then of course enjoying our time together.

My niece and nephew live in a very affluent area and have learned from an early age that Santa has lots of children in this world to bring gifts to so they are allowed to ask for one big thing from him and their stocking stuff. Of course they get more than that plus have grandparents and aunts and uncles but you get the idea.

My sister then focuses on charity... giving to the poor or phone cards for soldiers....

Did I say enough of how proud I am of the values she is instilling?

[tandcookies]

This thread kind of got off track but wanted to tell the OP to contact her local churches. Our church is collecting gift cards and then giving them to the parents to buy what the children want.