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Jealousy of friends that a mate has is a sign of a much deeper problem. If someone needs that much assurance that they are the person that their mate loves means that they have self-confidence issues, and no relationship in the world is going to fix that. I believe that unless someone has done something to breach trust, that they should be trusted - each person is an individual. Just because one person has cheated in the past is not an indicator that the next person is going to cheat.
When I first met my husband, my friends were mostly male, and his mostly female. Now we have a group of great friends all together that are both male and female, because my friends became his, and vice versa.
If someone demands that their SO stops having friends because of their own insecurity issues, that's a huge red flag, and a huge problem.
*deposits two cents in the box, steps off of soap box and walks away*
I don't believe men can be friends with women, either. From disappointed personal experience. Thought I had male friends, but the strangest thing, when I got married, boom, never heard from any of them ever again!
Back in high school I had a girlfriend I really liked and thought we were really close and she started walking home from her school with a 'male freind' and she tells me it's nothing and asks me if I trust her bla bla bla so having no prior experience with this sort of thing and also feeling secure with our relationship I say 'nah, it don't worry me' which it didn't. To make a long stoy short it wasn't long beore I was out a girlfriend and the 'male friend' became her NEW boyfriend -- DOH!
Am I the only one that feels trust is earned and not just given? Even people I thought that earned my trust, in the end, it didn't work out.
Trust is something I work hard to gain from people, and I hold it close, and expect someone to work for it.
Personal experience, politicians, scandals, its all over the place, and when there are studies that 50% of married couples are cheating, it makes it that much harder.
Actually, in the beginning of our relationship, my SO thought that even though my longtime friend was gay, he was secretly pining for me all those years. There was some jealousy and insecurity there at first, but I knew he would get past that... and he did! It was totally worth it in our case, but if the guy shows signs of being possessive, FORGET IT.
I agree with nowitsshowtime.
IMO people who complain about their SO being jealous, are the ones hiding something. If you really care about your SO, you change your behavior.
Or, it could be that the person has no reason for the SO to be jealous - and the SO is a controlling jerk. Anyone who tries to control what friends I can and cannot have can find the door.
Nope - I'm saying that my SO has a problem if they are jealous of all of my friends - and yes - maybe it's a sign that it's not the right SO for me, if my world does not completely revolve around them. That being said - as I said - my husband and I have been pretty happily married for 12 1/2 years. We've been together for 13 1/2. My friends and family came with me. So did his. Luckily, we all get along just fine. My friends became his friends. His friends became mine.
Anyone who was not accepting of the fact that I had friends before the relationship, and that I would continue to have friends through the relationship, I was not going to have a relationship with for very long.
ANYONE who would tell ANYONE to give up their friends for them is the one with the problem.
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